Words To Live By

Advice From A Teen To A Middle Aged Person

By Kourtney Stoppel

So, a kid telling adults what to do? Yeah, that’s a thing now. Weird, right?

Anywho, I’m here to give y’all some advice about looking through the kid’s eyes and general wisdom that I’ve gathered in all of my Fifteen years of living. I know, I must be a certified genius at this point! ...The sarcasm is strong with this one.

Anywho, you want my sagely advice for some reason, so I won’t disappoint! ...Not that my words of wisdom will be wise but moreso that I’ll actually give advice. ...Honestly explaining it kills the joke. Moving on! Inspiration!

First one is a bigge (at least for parents of open minded children) that you should take to heart;

If your kid starts watching anime or reading Manga, it’s probably not gonna be a phase and depending on what they read or watch they’ll get more openminded. However if your child refuses to eat anything but Ramen and Pocki and ends every sentence with ‘Desu’ then your child needs professional help right away. Don’t ask.

Secondly, remember that when you’re in a bad mood, your child has a good chance of catching that bad mood and infecting more people with general unhappiness all day, so try and keep a smile even when you feel like tearing your hair out.

Thirdly, make sure not to pressure your kid into joining a youth group or a sports team, especially if your reasoning is ‘Because I did it when I was your age.’ This is a really bad move in parenting.

Never answer a question with ‘Because I told you so.’ Just don’t.

Numeral May The Fourth Be With You, if your kid is weird, accept it. They got their weirdness from you and frankly it’s probably a lot more fun to have a weird kid.

Number five, to quote a song from a children’s movie;

“A machine is like a child, it’ll work if you respect it. When it’s happy it will hum, or break down when you neglect it.”

Number Six, Make sure that you teach them how to tie their shoes properly. I’m 15 and I don’t know how to properly tie my shoes without trapping my feet.

Lucky Sevens, make sure your kid knows how to properly handwrite. I have chicken scratch handwriting because I never learned the proper way when I was a kid.

Magic 8th ball; should you ever write a note to your child in cursive? If you actually have an 8 Ball it probably said no and if it didn’t that 8 ball is an idiot.

Ninety Niner, make sure your kid doesn’t develop a Hoarders; Buried Alive-eske room. The best solution to not having a messy floor is to make sure the only floor exposed is the walkway.

The big One Oh, if your child sounds like they’re on drugs, they’re probably just tired or forgot to actually take their drugs. (the Prescription kind, don’t do drugs kids, stop it get some help, other drug awareness stuffs...)

Number Eleven, if you have a tomboy child, never EVER force them into a dress, it’s like trying to put a rabid Chihuahua into a tutu. It’s not not gonna work.

Number twelve, don’t bring your child to an all you can eat buffet until they actually learn self control. Just don’t.

Numeral XIII, try and have a pet for your child, preferably a mammal, if you can afford it. It will make them grow up a lot happier. ...Until the animal dies. I’m not doing myself any favors here.

Number Xion, cherish your child’s innocence as long as you can.

And finally, Number fifteen. Actual advice.

Keep an eye on you child when they become a teenager, because as soon as that hits is when depressions happen most often. You want to be there for you child when that happens. Don’t tell them ‘I understand’, just comfort them. Let them know you love them.

And with that serious note, I bid you Adieu!