Revising Thesis Statements & MPTS

The Great Gatsby, Research Paper, and More!

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Can You Identify the Thesis Statement in the Following Paragraph?

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Research Paper Topic for Revision: 1920s Technological Advancements That Entertainment Field

Following is an example of a Rough Draft Thesis Statement That Works:

Topic:

1920s technological advances, and how they revolutionized the entertainment field.


Thesis - Great!:

Many of the distinctive features that define American culture today emerged in the 1920s and are, in large part, due to the expansion of the entertainment field.



Q: Why does this Thesis Statement work?

A: This Thesis works, because it:


  • Makes an interesting, debatable, persuasive point.
  • It is not conventional wisdom.
  • Others may disagree with some or all of the main points


Main Point Topic Sentences - Rough Draft Version:

MPTS#1:

The 1920s was a decade flourished with timeless works of literature that greatly enhanced the culture then, and continue to influence American society today.


Why Revise - and what to keep?


  • "a decade flourished with" sounds a bit wordy / flowery - let's rephrase
  • But it's good point, so we'll keep the main idea
  • Does MPTS#1 support the Thesis? Check!



Revision:

The 1920s ushered-in a new era of influential literature that, while mirroring the innovative culture of the time, continues to be a global influence on literature, today.


Examples that go with this MPTS:

EX#1: The Great Gatsby (we just finished in this class)

EX#2: Winnie-the-Pooh

EX#3: Their Eyes Were Watching God (we are reading in this class)

The Great Gatsby

Thesis Statements:


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MPTS#1:

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MPTS#2:

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MPTS#3:

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Annotated Bibliography

Thesis Statements:


Original:


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MPTS#1:

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MPTS#2:

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MPTS#3:

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5 Weak Words You Should Avoid in Your Writing

...and what to use, instead. By Andrea Ayres - Blog Post - 5 August 2014

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