French Revolution Risotto

Manuel Tabares

An perfect dish for an imperfect monarchy.

(Warning you may lose your head over this dish)
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Yields enough Risotto for a 1 (one) revolution

1) 10,000,000 angry peons (Can be found In the Third Estate Whole Foods)

2) 10,000 landowners (Can be substituted by aristocrats)

3) 1 Useless king

4) 1 Greedy queen

5) 100% Taxes ( powdered)

6) Pinch of Salt

7) 2/3 Cups Diced Yellow Onion

8) 1 (one) liter of white wine

9) Guillotine
10) 1 cup of Assembly of the States.

11) 1 cup Aboro rice.

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1) Separate the aristocrats and the peons as they tend to not mix well. Take the king and queen and put then in a bowl to isolate them from the problems of the peons.

2) Put the peons in low-income jobs and sprinkle 100% of taxes over them. Add salt.

3) Now, mix the aristocrats with the 2/3 cups of diced onion.

4) Pour the white wine over the king and queen and let it sit for 10-20 minutes.

5) Pour the peons into a pan and pour the aboro rice.

6) Cook for 3 minutes. Add the aristocrats.

7) Pour the panicked king and queen into the pan along with the assembly of the states.

8) Simmer for 12 years. And finally add the guillotine.

9) Cool for 3 minutes and serve with a drop of lemon.

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French Onion Risotto Recipe by A Cook | (n.d.). Retrieved March 27, 2015, from

French Revolution | 1787-1799. (n.d.). Retrieved March 27, 2015, from