Satan-Wood
The World's greatest family experience
Styx come sail away
Welcome To Satan-Wood!
Hello, and welcome to Satan-Wood; your go to destination for endless family fun!
Here at Satan-Wood, we offer tons of awesome attractions throughout our 66-acre park from roller coasters to Ferris Wheels, to fine dining and luxury lodgings. Come, stay with us a while and see what you think!
Come Check Out these Awesome Attractions
The Phlegethon Lazy River Ride
This Lazy River is as fun as it is Gross! Grab a swimsuit, a tube, and GO!
We also offer boat rentals so you can go and explore the whole circle at your leisure.
The Great Barrier Roller Coaster
Strap in and hold on! This is the fastest roller coaster that we can illegally build!
The Satan Eye
The only Ferris Wheel on this side of Hell, the Satan Eye stands at a remarkable, fear-inducing height of 666 ft. It has 42 air-conditioned passenger capsules that can carry up to 38 people.
Horseriding
Here at Satan-Wood, we offer extensive riding trails and fields. All our our Centaurs are pure-bred, so you can be sure that you are riding the best beast in the land!
Archery
In the Wood of Suicides, we offer a vast archery field, full with targets near and far. You do not have to be experienced, one of our trained, park-employed archery instructors with teach you how to shoot with deadly accuracy.
The Great Barrier Diving Adventure
Come and explore the depths of the Phlegethon river, to the edges of the Great Barrier! The Great Barrier diving wall is the finest of its kind in Hell.
Food and Drink
Geryon's Grill
Come, relax, and enjoy a slow-cooked meal from one of our several professional chefs! Don't forget about Minotaur Monday's: kids eat free!
Beelzebub's Beach Bar
Located on out hot, sandy beaches, Beezlebub's Beach Bar is the perfect spot for a quick drink or a small snack after you've been enjoying the red water of the Phlegethon River all day!
El Diablo
Our most luxurious dining option, El Diablo offers legendary cuisine from throughout the Underworld. Reservations are required.
Transportation
Air Tranport
All transportation to and from the resort with be provided by Virgil International Airlines. There is one airport located in the area: Geryon International Airport.
Minorails
Transportation within the resort its provided by our patented train system, Minorails. This monorail runs throughout the resort, taking you wherever you need to go with record speed.
Beezlebus
For those with Siderodromophobia, we provide a 100% land-based bus service known as Beezlebus. Just call our hotline at 1-666-HEL-LBUS and we'll pick you up. Our buses are also located at each hotel and there is a bus station located at the airport.
Lodging
Once you are finished having fun, kick back and relax in one of our many fabulous lodging options.
The Inferno Condos
If you don't have the largest of pockets, don't worry, Satan-Wood offers a low cost hotel option: The Inferno Condos. The Inferno Condos offer all the basic amenities you will need on your trip, including an exceptionally good heating system!
The Cabins in the Woods
For those families who might be a little more outdoorsy, our log cabins, located directly in the Woods of Suicides are perfect for the most adventurous group. Trails lead to and from each cabin, and snake deeper and deeper into the woods.
The Paradiso Hotel
Located on the hot sandy beaches of Circle 7, this hotel offers impeccable views and great room service for an affordable price. Our most luxury hotel option, the Paradiso Hotel is sure to make even the most unhappy family have a fantastic time.
Special Events
Come join us this month for our fantastic collection of shows, performances, and events!
Beginning March 10, we have spectacular shows and concerts every night for the next week!
Below is a list of all of these events and where they are being held. Get your tickets now, before they're all sold out.
Event Information
The Simony Choir
The Underworld-renowned Simony Choir will be performing under the direction of the legendary Pope Nicholas III.
When?
Monday, Mar 10, 2014, 09:00 PM
Where?
The Red River Amphitheatre
Carmina Burana ~ O Fortuna | Carl Orff ~ André Rieu
Event Information
The City of Dis Philharmonic
When?
Tuesday, Mar 11, 2014, 08:45 PM
Where?
The Red River Amphitheatre
Event Information
The Malebolge Jazz Ensemble
When?
Wednesday, Mar 12, 2014, 09:30 PM
Where?
The Red River Amphitheatre
Event Information
The Phantom of the Gods: Presented by the Phlegethon Actors Guild
When?
Thursday, Mar 13, 2014, 09:00 PM
Where?
The Apollyon Theatre
Event Information
Criss Devil
When?
Friday, Mar 14, 2014, 06:30 PM
Where?
The Apollyon Theatre
Event Information
The Divine Comedy Troupe
When?
Saturday, Mar 15, 2014, 09:00 PM
Where?
The Apollyon Theatre
Event Information
The Final Concert
Come see the final performance in a week of spectacular events! The first performance is the Malebolge Jazz Ensemble, followed by the combined Simony Choir and City of Dis Philharmonic. After the final performance, fireworks will be launched from atop Geryon's Mountain for all to see. Come join us for a spectacular evening!
When?
Sunday, Mar 16, 2014, 08:45 PM
Where?
The Red River Amphitheatre
Satan's Vacation Destination
Feel free to contact us at any time!
Email: theundead@SVD.com
Website: SVD.com
Location: 666 Boulevard, Circle 7, Hell, the Underworld
Phone: 666-740-5691
Twitter: @SVDhellcation