The Tale Of The Dwarven Drug Lord

Copyright Of Burger King 2013

The Following Is A Story By Kristian Hollist Of 2013


The rain pours down as a lonely black van drives through the streets of Claymore, approaching Victoria Bitter's Bridge.

“We're approaching the bridge out of Claymore Sir” Said Tooheys

“Excellent, this was easier than expected. I thought your brother would have noticed us, he did not luckily.” Replied Jim Beam, Drug Lord of Airds

“Me and Midori are quite happy we didn't bump into em” said Cruiser interrupted the once private conversation.

“What is that? It looks like a child on the road!” exclaimed Jack Daniels, Son Of Jim Beam.

"We better pick it up and move out of the way, we don't want to deal with DOCs to..." said Tooheys.

The van slides slowly along the road then comes to a stop, with a metallic screech the door opens in front of the midget

"Argh! That's one ugly child!" exclaimed Jack

"Hey there sonny, do you want to buy some quality drugs for a low low price?" the child questioned

"Your not a child...Are you the?" Jack was cut off by the screeching of rubber, a stolen Interline bus comes sliding at a high speed on the bridge. A loud crash radiates from the bus as it collided with the van; the force of the crash sends the bus flying into the river below scattering the passengers. It was not a small child but Dazza, the Drug Lord of Claymore.

"He...Hello? Dad? Tooheys? Midori and Cruiser? Anybody?" Nobody answered Jack's call. A giant gap is left in the framework of the bridge.
"Where did the dwarf go? And the bus?" thought Jack

The freezing rain splashes on Jack’s Heads as he hopelessly tries to find a way to the river.

"Hey, Look, Listen, Hello?" said an unknown voice

"Who is there? Don't rob me I got connections!" exclaimed Jack

"I'm not going to hurt you! I'm a nice spirit called Navi!" said Navi

"A nice spirit, In Claymore?" questioned Jack

"Why yes, I ended up like this because I drunk to much spirits!" replied Navi

"Um, I don't think spirits work like..."

"Hush now, and look upon the nearest veranda!" interrupted Navi

A girl emerged from the two story housing commission unit, she takes off her hat and a lushes mullet emerges.

In no time Jack starts running towards the girl, his heart pounding as he sprints along the wet tarmac. The girl, who goes by the name of Shazza sees Jack running towards her unit and instantly falls in love.

"Gurl are you bad because you fell out of heaven." said Jack

"So smooth..." said Navi as he disappears into the void.

Meanwhile Tooheys and Jim Beam navigate the streets of Claymore try to find Jack.

"Jack! Are where are you?" yelled Jim.

"Hung on a second do you smell something?"Question Tooheys

"Hmm, why yes I do, it’s a 6 pack of extra dry!" exclaimed Jim'

"What are we waiting for? I haven't had a drink in minutes!" replied Tooheys

A large esky sits on the side of the road ripe for the picking; the cold air creates a mist around the esky as the twist caps of the beer pop out. Suddenly with a flash of light the esky starts rolling, Tooheys and Jim desperately chases after it as it leads them the Unit with Jack and Shazza in it.

As Tooheys and Jim chase there magical beer across town, a past partner of Dazza, Maliban finds Cruiser and Midori.

“Hello fellows, do I have a deal for you today.” Grouched Maliban

“Where did you come from mate?” replied Midori

“Unit 267, but down to the deal, I need you two to kill Dazza, the current drug lord of Claymore.” Asked Maliban

“Sure, but what’s in it for us?” replied Cruiser

“2000 dollars, each.” said Maliban.

“Where is this Dazza anyway?” questioned Midori

“Currently on Victoria Bitters Bridge!” exclaimed Midori

As dusk darkens the sky, Cruiser and Midori reach the bridge, the van has been repaired, and the rest of the passengers are on the bridge, in a peaceful fashion.

“Aren’t you and Dazza enemies? Asked Cruiser

“We were, but the money was just right!” replied Jim

A new found love bounded the drug lords together, Jack and Shazza kiss under red and blue lights as the police arrive to arrest Jim. They then hurried away in there van together, with a full dozen Police on their tail…