The Electrostasis Cannon

Do you need protection against mutants? Then have no fear!

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Why You Are Receiving an Electrostasis Cannon (now on Day 6555)

Note: Release date is now Day 6555. We apologize for the inconvenience. Contact your nearest Structure of Science if you are certain you will need an Electrostasis Cannon before then.

The Electrostasis Cannon will remove all of your current fears of being attacked. It is the result of a collaboration between Sensik and Shiawik to create a painless disabling weapon that leaves its victims untouched.

Features of the Electrostasis Cannon include:

  • Disabling hostile creatures without mutilating them, allowing them to be used for research.

  • Only your enemies will be disabled, for the Cannon does not affect cockroaches.

  • Built with our beloved Sicily in mind, there are no negative effects to the environment. It merely creates water as exhaust.

  • The beasts it disables will only be immobilized and will feel no pain, thanks to the Shiawik scientists.

The Pledge of Existence: May all days be well, with the help of a fellow cockroach.

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