A Modest Proposal to Dress Code

For preventing trouble for schools

By Graham Walker and Troy Williams

The Problem

OMG, I went to the mall the other day and I totally saw the cutest skirt from Wet Seal, nice and short just the way I like it! Then I remembered that I couldn't get it cause the staff at school would have a hissy-fit! I don't know why everybody wants to like cause trouble over dress code. The teachers are always hating on us. We totally spend more time arguing over who's right, the students or the teachers. Now my mom is mad because I don't learn like anything and everybody knows the only two reasons you go to school is to learn but mostly to meet cute boys. There shouldn't be a problem if you can do both. Everyone should like come together to figure this thing out because it is keeping me from enjoying my gossip and boy talk with my ladies. They try to say that wearing certain clothes causes fights and stuff because of gangs but it isn't like I'm going to get shot or something. They also tried to tell me what I wear is inappropriate and causes problems but it isn't my fault I can wear clothes better than the teachers can.

The solution

My plan that like has us take away the dress code completely and have us come to school wear as little we want. We don’t have to worry about getting into trouble with my teachers because I’m showing too much boob or something stupid like that and we would have less distraction from teachers because they think my mini skirt is too short, I mean come on its only 12 inches above my knee. Like the best part is that if we want too we could totally just go to school completely naked. I know what you’re thinking like us girls will totally cause the boys to be distracted all day, but after a while those perverts will stop drooling and totally get used to the naked body and there would like totally be no more distraction or we could totally have theme days like Hawaiian day where us girls wear grass skirts and coconut bras and if that doesn't work we could have painted on clothes day were we paint on fake clothes that would like totally be like awesome. I would finally be able to attract that cute guy in math because I can wear clothes think don’t look ugly on me but who am I kidding? I make everything look good.

The Plan

Instead of having dress code we could just wear whatever the heck we want without getting in trouble, I mean the whole point of dress code is because people aren't comfortable with their bodies, that shouldn't be taken out on me! It would like keep Hollister from having to sell so much clothes or they wouldn't have to even sell clothes anymore which would totally like mess up my shopping everyday but then I could have lots of money to spend on make up and tanning instead. Every person would learn to be happy with their bodies the way they are. Then teachers wouldn't have to whine every day. If everyone wore as little as possible we would all get used to it and be comfy! After all this is America right? Land of the free and home of the brave or something like that, that's what my hot boyfriend says anyway, whatever. Then me and my friends would feel free to wear these less clothes. My dad is always saying I am spoiled but he only lets me use two of his credit cards, my friend Stacey has three, so unfair! If we didn't have dress code we could be as independent as we want, that's what they're supposed to teach us anyway.

The advantages

There are like so many advantages to this plan. For one it takes care of the problems in class that totally stop me from napping or talking to boys. It also saves like a ton of money for the school, they wouldn't have to hire people to like totally stalk me, like can you say get a life? Plus we’d get into school dances faster because teachers wouldn't have to measure our dresses. It like also saves poor people money too because they wouldn't have to spend a ton of money on clothes when they can just go naked and that's way more comfy! It like also totally helps the environment because not as many clothes need to be made then all those people with signs wouldn't have to say like save the trees or whatever. Lastly, because we as teens can express ourselves as much as we want. We can voice our opinions more and show off our bodies like a piece of art.


The teachers are always jealous of me wearing whatever I want but it's not my fault my hot bod is too much for them to handle. They wanted us to have a convention or get together or something between students and teachers to keep both sides happy. They wanted to all like talk it out and come to an agreement or something so we both get what we want but what sense does that make? I'm always right. Like they are totally just mad I wear clothes better, they said if I promise to cover up, they could let students wear hats, but eww! Hats are ugly anyhow. I know that sometimes people get in trouble for the little drawings on their shirts and teachers think we could wear shirts of Obama or other politicians to show our beliefs, but my belief is that's stupid. Like don't get me wrong I love Obama and black people, I even had a friend who was black in Kindergarten once. My teachers said if this couldn't all be agreed on we could just all go to wearing the same thing like khaki's and polo shirts, but those are so last month. You wouldn't catch me wearing them that's for sure!


Okay so like in the end all we as teenagers really want is the freedom to do what we want and since at home our parents like totally run our lives and at school we have all these stupid rules I think we would be more accepting if we like had no dress code. We were given the right to do what we want when we were born so like why take that away from us besides it is hard for the teachers to enforce. Having our own style helps us feel like we have more power and stuff because we are like totally hit with rules we have to follow, if teachers gave us a no dress code policy we could wear whatever we want, whenever we want. I mean it would totally like completely stop any fights teachers and students have over dress code and completely help us save time and like learn more in class.