Timely Topic Tuesday ~Worry/Anxiety
Presented Jan. 12, 2021
What is anxiety or worry
Displayed many ways and with many faces. Worry and anxiety may be expressed as anger, defiance, difficulty focusing, sleep issues, etc.
What it looks like: mood swings, sleep changes, constant or excessive worrying, negative self-talk, avoidance of typically-liked activities, physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches, tired without cause)
What it feels like: Panic feels like being stuck on the tracks; anxiety is future-thinking and feels like being worried you may get stuck on the tracks
The Anxiety Cycle
3 Parts of Anxiety: the worry track is automatic for people with anxiety. Address by working from Head to Toe
- Thoughts (head): thoughts automatically occur and may be lies or mis-interpretations. Challenge those thoughts. Are they true? Is that a what-if?
- Feelings (Stomach): where and how do you feel the worry in your body. Once the feelings are identified, we can name it to tame it (identification removes much of the power and intensity)
- Behavior/Action (toes): What do we do with the anxiety? What can we do instead?
Anxiety from the Overactive Amygdala
How Worry Works:
- The amygdala in our brain filters thoughts and information.
- In calm, non-anxious brain, the amygdala senses "safe" and sends the information to the prefrontal cortex to process the information thoughtfully and rationally.
- In an anxious brain, the amygdala tends to run on high alert, responding more automatically with fight-flight-freeze, disabling the flow of information to the part of the brain that processes and applies reason and thoughtfulness to the information
- Many of the thoughts and perceptions that initially cross our minds may be lies or mis-perceptions. Allowing those thoughts to be critically examined removes their power.
Typical fear development
Infancy: stranger anxiety, loss of supports, loud noises
Early Childhood: separation anxiety, new/unfamiliar situations; real/imagined dangers
Elementary: real-world dangers (i.e., fires, storms, etc.)
Middle School: social acceptance, academic & athletic performance
High School: social acceptance, more focused on reflecting chosen identities, concern for larger world & future success.
Worry as the Internal Alarm
When your internal alarm is triggered:
- Can't tell real dangers from imaginary dangers
- Don't see the world as it is; instead, you see life through the filter of danger so everything looks dangerous.
We should help our kids look to the adult to be the 2nd Chicken
- "Can you look in my eyes and see if I'm afraid?"
- "I'm anxious too. I'm going to try some ways to shrink my anxiety. Would you like to do them with me?"
Where is it coming from? Why the increase?
Addressing Anxiety
Anxiety has been on the rise and is becoming quite common in youth. Unfortunately, there is no "cure" for anxiety: it will never go away, medications don't eliminate it, we can't always avoid it. Instead, we learn how anxiety impacts us and develop strategies to work through or sit through the discomfort.
Systemic Changes:
- Simplify Home & Relationships: reduce overwhelm, unpredictability, over-scheduling and the unfiltered world
- Increase Play: Grows the upstairs brain, which helps with problem-solving, self-regulation, and other executive functions; undirected play allows children to learn and develop many skills for navigating emotions, relationships, and conflicts.
What to Avoid:
- passing your anxieties onto your student
- enabling your student to escape situations
- dismiss your child's anxiety or worries
- provide false reassurances "everything will be fine"
What to Do:
- navigate your own anxiety first
- A connected child is a healthy child
- Keep it simple: filter out adult world, simplify, play, sleep, consistency
- validate feelings: "wow, that was really scary"
- label the emotion, label the reaction, give permission, listen: "I can see your heart is beating quickly and you're breathing fast. I can see you're getting nervous"
- name the worry thought: Challenge or change the thought. Don't shame for feeling worried
- identify and practice strategies when in calm state, so can begin using when feeling anxious or worried
Mind Jar
Circle of Control
Worry Monster
Some Strategies
- Research suggests cognitive-behavioral therapies and strategies are most successful. This includes psycho-education, teaching yourself about your anxiety, challenging thought patterns, and implementing behavior change.
- Schedule "worry time": instead of worrying all day long, try to limit worry thoughts to a specific time (not right before bedtime)
- Discuss the Circle of Control: no need to worry about what we can't control; focus on what can be controlled
- Create a Worry Box: write or draw your worried to pass along to the worry box so you don't have to carry.
- Blow It Away: Thinking about the worry, breathe in a cleansing breath, breathing in your favorite color; breathe out your worry, breathing out your least favorite color. Watch your worry float away.
- Mindfulness Strategies, including breathing and positive affirmations
- Yoga
- Breathing & Relaxation: relaxation is opposite of anxiety; progressive muscle relaxation, body scans, belly breathing
- Name the Worry Thought: Challenge or change the thought
- Identify and practice strategies when in calm state
- Grounding: brings thoughts to present (not future, where anxiety lives): name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste
- Positive Self-Talk & Positive Affirmation: "I can do hard things"
Additional Resources: Addressing Anxiety
Worry Warrior Video Lessons
Video lesson series on anxiety from school counselor. Check them out!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLl8YAZ_ezKNFELLp8KjMEmcn8A0YbKvRt
Manage Stress Through Mindfulness
https://www.nagc.org/sites/default/files/PHP_dec2017_Mindfulness-Kane.pdf
Anxiety Management begins at home
https://www.nagc.org/sites/default/files/Management%20of%20Anxiety-Mendaglio-PHP%20Summer%202016.pdf
Brain Breaks & Calm Corners
breathing exercises
('make copy' for your use)
Digital Breathing Boards
('make copy' for your use)
Digital Calm Corner
('make copy' for your use)
Picture Books and Work-Book Resources
The Kissing Hand : Audrey Penn
The Invisible String: Patrice Karst
The Rabbit Listened, by Cori Doerrfeld
Whimsy’s Heavy Things, by Julie Kraulis
You’ve Got Dragons, by Kathryn Cave
Scaredy Squirrel, by Melanie Watt
My Big Feelings and the Big Bad Virus by Emily Mosquedo (specific to Covid)Don't Feed The WorryBug by Andi Green
A Kids Book About Anxiety, by Ross Szabo
The Huge Bag of Worries: Virginia Ironside
What to do when my Worries Get too big: Kari Dunn Buron
What to do when you Worry Too much: Dawn Huebner
Wilma Jean, the Worry Machine, by Julia Cook
Reference Books about Anxiety/Worry
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety by Tamar Chansky, PhD
Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety: E. Lebowitz and H. Omer
Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: : Lyons, Lynn and Wilson
The Hurried Child: David Elkind
Anxiety-focused or related parenting books/resources:
Listen, by Patti Wipfler
Parenting from the Inside Out, by Daniel Siegel
Simplicity Parenting, by Kim Payne
The Opposite of Worry: The playful parenting approach to childhood anxieties and fears, by Lawrence J. Cohen