Better Together Communicator
The Rockwall ISD Community "Better Together" Newsletter
February 19, 2019
Seeing Others: The Art of Understanding
This week's reference point for your communication with kids, teachers, and friends.
When we go into the schools to introduce our students to the Better Together Mindset, we are championing our students to better understand and manage their emotions, reactions, and relationships. Our focus is supported by research-based understandings for strong social-emotional health as demonstrated by an individual’s optimism, empathy, grit, communication and composure. By capitalizing upon the safe relationships RISD educators create in our classrooms and our schools, we introduce the Better Together Mindset by focusing on the students’ self-regulation and their awareness of self, particularly what each student would say is his or her gift. We believe each of us has several gifts—talents or skills that are unique to each individual—and so we begin by asking the kids to think about what they would say is their greatest gift. This is the first step on our journey.
Asking each member of any group to share his or her greatest gift is always met by a few who utter shyly, “I don’t know,” and even, “I don’t have one.” You see, through time, several of us have been told or made to feel that our gift doesn’t matter or that our gift is not as important as another’s. Some of us have even been told that our gift “is stupid,” and still others have simply never been made to feel like anything we do is special or “gift-worthy.” As we begin our work with kids, the more we do to create a safe, engaging space, the more eager the kids become to share their gifts. One thing we do to help break down any last barriers or to help kids to really think about what could be their greatest gift is to ask them to consider the following:
- Think about a time when you were the proudest.
- Think about a time when you were the most confident.
- Think about a time when you were the most fulfilled.
Try it yourself right now—we’ll wait for you! Give yourself a nice peaceful moment and think back to a time when you were the proudest you’ve ever been in your life. Think about how you felt at that moment—the electricity you felt inside. . . . Take another peaceful moment and think back to a time when you were the most confident you’ve ever been—a time when you felt like you could take on the world. . . . Then give yourself yet another peaceful moment to think about a time when you were completely fulfilled. Where were you? Who was with you?
Do any of these moments speak to some of your talents? Are any suggestive of your greatest gift?
So now that we have you in a reflective mood, let's have you think back again to your youth. But now we're going to ask you, the adults, to think about something we don't ask the kids to focus on in our work with them: your greatest mistake. If you were to think back to your younger days, early to mid-adolescence, think of some of the mistakes you made as you tried to work your way through the world. Some of these mistakes may come racing back to you--perhaps a big mistake you've had to relive in your mind throughout your life. Or maybe you can think of a mistake you made in your adolescence that very few people know about you--maybe something only a few closest friends or family members know about you. Don't worry, we're not going to make you tell anyone, but what youthful mistake did you recall?
Got one? Okay, now ask yourself this: Aren't you glad there weren't cell phones around back then? Aren't you glad there was no such thing as social media back then?
Our kids are struggling each day to find themselves--to really discover who they are--while navigating a world far different and far more complex than the world we parents had to negotiate during our adolescence. Even worse, our kids run the risk of every tiny mistake being exploited for a whole community to see, forever captured on video with people from around the country, if not even the world, weighing in with their opinion regardless of any contextual understanding.
Somewhere along the way, between our own adolescence and that of our children, we lost a step at what Stephen Covey taught us in his concept of "Seeking First to Understand." We're quick with a quip, manic to mock, and rabid to rail at the first sign of another's mistake. . . and even another's misfortune. Worse still, in the same breath we adults call for bully-free schools, we fail to notice that we have forgotten how to model for our children bully-free communities.
Throughout the fall semester we engaged our kids and our entire community in a conversation about the Better Together Mindset in which each of us is challenged to become more aware of ourselves. Once our self-awareness is fully materialized, we can then gain a better understanding of others. As we closed out our fall semester, we asked our community to take these concepts for self-discovery and utilize them as tools to “See Others” by recognizing and celebrating the gifts of everyone around our community. As we begin our spring semester, we ask each member of our community—students and adults—to continue acknowledging and uplifting one another’s gifts as we also explore better ways to understand one another, to seek common ground, and to celebrate the benefits of our collective strength.
Our children will inherit the world we have created for them, so it is vital that they possess the skills and resourcefulness to effectively manage the weight they will feel when they are on their own. We often assume our children have our same viewpoints, opinions, interests, and goals, but part of helping our children to grow is encouraging them to discover their own voice--academically and socially. So what inner voice do we want our children to hear? What do you want your child's voice to tell him/her to do? Certainly we all desire for our kids to be academically strong, but a very smart kid with poor character is a dangerous mix.
Questions for Parents and Kids to Utilize to Connect
In each Better Together Communicator, we include questions for utilizing with your kids at dinner, in the car, during family time, etc. to help nurture the Better Together Mindset in your family. In addition to the questions below, seek out opportunities to make genuine connections as a family by having technology-free evenings at least one night a week where you play games together, eat dinner as a family, or engage in outside activities. As you do, utilize one of the topics provided in the Better Together Communicator for family discussions.
Past and present Communicators can be found here: https://www.rockwallisd.com/Page/12918