Did I Break It?

Grandmas Boy(DDR Scene)

What Does High Score Mean?

In case I haven't told you 100 times I won this week (beat it Chuck)...I did. I'm not gonna say Matt Asiata is the greatest free agent pickup this millennium, but I don't think anyone would blame me if I did. All it took was me completely ignoring the tv, my phone and football in general to enjoy a nice day of golfing. And it was totally fun and I wasn't constantly wondering what my team was doing and I shot super awesome....or I shot a 120, sober, with anxiety so bad my stomach cramped, while Jess' family embarrassed me up and down the golf course*. Either way TDS was vanquished (beat it Chuck) and Dr. Commish of Late Night, first of his name and heir to to Powerdome is advancing to the final.

Oren was able to outlast Durso in a pillow-fight for the chance to be Late Night's first repeat champion. 114-100?!? What an embarrassment! I can't imagine how poor Charlie felt watching the two of you drooling on each other and trying to hump doorknobs all weekend. Charlie put up a solid 157 only to be smacked by my powervein (beat it Chuck). I think he summed up his feelings best in a text message....


Atta boy Charlie. Go down swinging.

The most interesting part of the pillowfight of Late Night was the 2 week lead-up: the tempting of the fantasy gods, the gamesmanship and the text chain. OH MY GOD the neverending text chain. If you're not a part of this...consider yourself lucky. Long story short in week 14 Joey sat a bunch of his players so that Dan would win and eliminate Pete from the playoffs. This made Pete and Oren...non-plussed to say the least. Something about two Jews getting screwed by a big bald white dude just screams Late Night intrigue to me. I smell a sitcom...or a porn.

Anywho after forsaking the fantasy gods that let Joey dominate the league all season, he got his comeuppance with BY FAR his lowest showing of the season, and had to watch Oren pass him easily with a measly 114. The amount, voracity and pure anger in the resulting shit talk was very enjoyable from the outside. I can't wait to see what caper the fantasy gods have for us this week, and the resulting text chain hilarity.

* - In my defense the Ukiah course is probably the hardest I've ever played, and the pins were in tournament position (read: one of the other guys 6-putted on a hole, he has a 14 handicap). Shutup Ged.

Changing of the Guard

Brown and Cobb have officially been removed from the Late Night big boys' club emails, and have been set out to pasture in Tier II.
We welcome in two new faces to the show - Mrs. Dr. Commish herself Jess Saksen and "seriously that midget is a cop" Spencer Mountain.

Jess is a girl (gross) who has tasted only success in 2 years of fantasy football and has a rude fucking awakening starting in June. YEAH JESS TIER I SEASON STARTS IN JUNE CHAMPIONS PAY THE PRICEEE!!11737337 WORK IS NEVER OVER. I fully expect Vaginal Hubris to fill up the mandatory Title IX spot next year as incapably as Lacey did. Jess has Jamaal Charles of week 15 penetration fame to thank for her spot in the championship, which helped VH obliterate the previous Late Night empire scoring record with 229 throbbing points.

Spencer was a dominant manager all season racking up a 10-4 record despite having a terrible pun-based name. Kibbles and Vick is (are?) centered around Peyton and a seemingly impossible stable of WRs - Crabtree, VJax and Golden make up his BENCH WRs. Unfair man. Spencer is also a relative newcomer to fantasy but his moves in pretend football are nearly as good as his ones on the dancefloor. He may have a shot at Tier I contention.
You suck Spenser


That's right no fruity shit this week, let's get down to business. There is only one matchup this week that means anything, and thus will be only one prediction, so let's take our time and make it last

The fantasy gods are cruel but just, and will give as much as they take (Matt not included). Last week they clearly smiled on me by dropping Asiata in my lap, all praise be to the gods. We'll see who draws their favor this week....

As a Packer fan the prospect of not having Rodgers this week is disappointing. As a My Money fan I'm pretty excited about it. I don't think Kirk Cousins delivers the goods on the big stage against a bitter rival. Manning? Yeah he'll probably go for thirty. Foles has a decent matchup and Rivers has a winnable matchup, but nothing on the line in a possible emotional letdown game. I give Oren a slight edge here.

Decker, like all Denver receivers, is hit or miss, if Manning locks in it could be a long day for the 'fish. Torrey ad Boldin are both heading in the wrong direction production-wise and Torrey has a tough mathchup. Hartline is a bum but Buffalo can't stop anybody. AJ Green has all the makings of a huge game and could really go off this week. Crabtree looks on his way back to the #1 passing option for Crapernick. Michael Floyd has the worst matchup...possible...but without Fitz and likely behind he will draw a ton of targets. My fourth WR is still up in the air but will definitely be a bum. I think the Catfish dominate here.

DeMarco Murray should be on fire for the Jiz. Blount? Nope. Who is E. Baker?!? Mendenhall will be a mess and may be replaced by Sproles who won't be much better. Lacy is a bellcow and will be touching the rock all day. Even injured, AP is matchup-proof. I think the Catfish win this category by a small margin.

High upside vs low upside. I'd take Edelmann over Thomas this week. +1 O-town, circle takes the square


I'm unsure which D I'll be using, but playing against the possibility of epic Eli derpfaces is daunting. I like Oren here by a nose. The preceding sentence was not a jew joke.


You read it here first, I got JC coming through for the 136-126 dub. Praise be.