Bouganville is Lit
The Redskins Cometh
When the nefarious redskins landed on our humble little island, we were defenseless to their fiery fire. The official cause of their surprise flaming is unknown, but witnesses report that they were on the lookout for a "Pip." We urge anyone with any information about this missing person to come forward..
Malaria is the Next Dab
Without new medicine coming in to the island, we are defenseless to the diseases malaria. It is carried by mosquitos, and we have no medicine to make us immune. So far, 2 poor little babies have died.
Goat thief on Loose
Recently the towns prized goat has been snatched up by a helicopter. The whereabouts of this milk machine are unknown. Please come forward if you have any information regarding it.