JHCS Quill

February 14, 2022

Four-Part Apology

When an apology is necessary, we suggest the Four-Part Apology. This technique allows the person to look beyond the actual incident to the consequences of behavior. By defining those consequences and choosing a different behavior, both individuals remain thoughtful and supportive rather than angry or defensive. If you and your child practice this tool with each other, apologies will be easier and more meaningful.

Acknowledge - Take responsibility for your actions and behaviors. Use "I" statements.

Example: "I acknowledge that I changed our plans about babysitting without checking in with you, and I only told you at the last minute."

Apologize - Acknowledge the cost to others. If unaware of cost, ask.

Example: "I apologize for not respecting you and for not checking in with you before changing my plans. I know it was hard for you to give up the plans you made with your friends because I needed you to babysit."

Make it right - Deal with the consequences of behavior. Ask the person, "is there anything I can do to make it right?"

Example: "I want to do something to help maintain our relationship. What canI do to make it right?"

Recommit - Make a commitment to appropriate behavior Commit to not having the same behavior again.

Example: "I agree to always respect you and to always check in with you before making any plans that involve you."

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Message From Our School Counselor

Hi families,

With our world being turbulent and constantly changing and the effects of the Coivd-19 pandemic lingering, it has been a drain on our families. We are all trying to move through each day. Apathy is a word that seems to be lacking for many in society. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines apathy as "the feeling of not having much emotion or interest." This does not mean that we are apathetic to all things, but our emotional priorities have changed. As we come down the home stretch to the end of the school year, there is looming in the future parent-teacher conferences, projects, graduations, transitions for our children and our families. It's an important reminder that the reason we work so hard is for our children to have future success. Work with your child's teacher, communicate, and keep them up to date on what is happening with your child so they can help in the most effective way for their academic success.

I read an article called ten ways to snap out of apathy. Here are some suggestions to help if you are feeling apathetic.

  1. Start with perspective

  2. Define the cause

  3. Change the things you can

  4. Create small and positive disturbances in your daily routine

  5. Create the mood you want to have

  6. List past joys

  7. Pick the low-hanging fruit - your answers may be right in front of you

  8. Pick one things to focus on

  9. Break it down

  10. Learn about habits

We all hit the potholes of life, and some are bigger and deeper than others. Recognizing, acknowledging, and working to steady a new course that will be a positive direction for you and your family will help you to start finding new pathways.

Best Wishes,

Sam Grabert


Ten ways to snap out of apathy


What causes apathy and how to deal with it


The curse of apathy: sources and solutions


When apathy is deadlier than Covid-19 - https://www.nature.com/articles/s43587-021-00030-wHi