Week 23: Valar Bonurghulis

All peens must die

Ur all hella dumm

The results are out - Hot Ice's 2014 "MVP" for most LOTNs this season goes to Pat "I'm pretty good at shutting up" Casey, with 24. The LOTN remains a rather subjective statistic, and is clearly not indicative of Hot Ice Success as indicated by Pat's astonishing, and predictable, departure from Hot Ice grace. Not as astonishing as Brian's though amirite lolz.

The rest of us finished:

NeonDion PewpMachine: 20

Zamboners: 19

Joan Smoothers: 19


The Cat's Meow: 14

Dangleberry Droplets: 14


Hot Ice Beast: 9

Lamorneus Power: 7

Of course Saksen weasels into the playoffs with only 9 LOTNs the entire year. BLOOMBERG KNOWS NO LOTN.

Lines of the Night

Monday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 1g, 2a, 8pim, 1ppp, 25sog, 63fw, 11hit, 6blk

Tuesday: Joan Smoothers: 2g, 4a, -3, 7pim, 2ppp, 21sog, 22fw, 21hit, 7blk, 1.51gaa, 62sv, .954sv%, 1sho

Wednesday: Joan Smoothers: 1a, +2, 6sog, 5fw, 3hit, 8blk

Thursday: Hot Ice Beast: 5g, 6a, +11, 8pim, 3ppp, 32sog, 28fw, 13hit, 10blk, 4.08gaa, 27sv, .871sv%

Friday: Joan Smoothers: 4g, 3a, +5, 10pim, 1ppp, 30sog, 6fw, 19hit, 10blk

Saturday: Hot Ice Beast: 4g, 5a, +1, 4pim, 4ppp, 24sog, 18fw, 12hit, 5blk

Sunday: Hot Ice Beast: 5g, 4a, +9, 6pim, 2ppp, 25sog, 47fw, 4hit, 3blk

Let's Play a Game

It's called: "Who would Ged have crushed during his bye week?"

I’ll cut to the chase as is Hot Ice tradition as of late, and let you know that I would’ve put cases on all y’all punk asses with an extra-saucy line of

23g, 21a, -6, 44pim, 16ppp, 161sog, 179fw, 89hit, 44blk, 3.00gaa, 158sv, .897sv%

In case you were wondering how you would fare against the regular season’s most implosive manager:

Vs. Hot Ice Beast: 10-2

You're fuckin out!

Vs. Joan Smoothers: 7-6

You're fuckin out!

Vs. NeonDion PewpMachine: 9-3

You're definitely fuckin out!

Vs. CatPasey: 8-4

You're fuckin out!


I'm out

Of playoffs

As of this Sunday night

Week 23 Matchups

Brian snap chats victory beer en route to sun (Beast 7, Joan 6):

If it weren’t for Icharus-filled moments like Brian's Sunday pre-victory beer snap chat, then I wouldn't feel so bad about never making it past the semis in fantasy sports. Saksen ties Pete for this week's WWW award, as his Chris Neil pickup, while not delivering the PIMs, delivered the sog to oust Brian from his ivory tower. It may be true that the Olympics crippled Brian's chances of Ziggly glory, but the fantasy hubris crippled his shot at playing for third place glory (or maybe first? Probably third.).

I happened to come across some videos of Brian during Sunday's home stretch:

Desean Jackson's Blunder, what a Bonehead
Guy on bike loses race funny
Team celebrates too early and loses with buzzer - Incredible
A bike race leader forgot to run last lap!

Pete bitches and moans....then wins (Neon 6, Pasey 6):

Early in the week Pete wouldn't shut up about how many more players Pat had per day than him, then lo and behold, he sneaks away with the win by the hairs of his peeny peen peen. This battle went right down to the wire, with Pete sealing the deal on Sunday with the 3 goals he needed to force the tiebreaker. And yes, two of those goals came from waiver pickup Kyle Turris. How Hattonian. Lil Baby Gaby Landeskog has somehow been a force for the PewpMachine, as he contributed with 3g, 2a, 16sog for the week. TJ Sochi led Pat's team with 4g, 2a, 12sog, but Pat just couldn't hold on to goals or blocks.

As usual, Pat was silent throughout the entire matchup. See you next year?

Week 23 Awards

Golden Boner: Hot Ice Beast, NeonDion PewpMachine

Waiver Wire Wizard: NeonDion PewpMachine, Hot Ice Beast

Icharus: Joan Smoothers

Week 24 Predictions

It's another late Dish, so..whatever.

THAT IS NOT A Pewp: There are three things guaranteed in life:

  1. Death
  2. Taxes
  3. Pete beating me in the playoffs

Pewp 8, Elbows 4

BeastNADO: This one seems mighty close still, but I think Saksen can pull it off. Austin, much like me, is suffering from BWR sydrome. My case is chronic, however. Bridesmaid 7, SHARP 5

Piss off,