From the Desk of Mrs. Brush
March 2021
We're All in This Together!
This month's newsletter is all about YOU!
This month, we're featuring strategies to help you in managing behavior, opportunities to connect with other parents, and ways to get "live" support from some of our district psychologists as well.
You are your child's first teacher, their best advocate, and a full partner in their learning here at school. The JC PPS team, as well as the district team, are here to support you as you navigate the waters of having a student with learning differences.
If there are topics you want to hear more about, please let us know. Don't hesitate to reach out to any of us with questions, concerns, or support!
Best always,
Brenda Brush and your JC PPS Team
How to Manage Challenging Behaviors
Collaborating with your Child to Reduce Power Struggles and Challenging Behavior Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model provides an effective approach to solving parent-child conflicts. Dr. Greene is a renowned clinical psychologist who presented to the Greenwich Public Schools community in December 2020. There are three types of responses to a child’s negative behavior: Plan A: Adult imposes his/her will and demands compliance. Often involves punishment. Plan B: Adult and child solve the problem collaboratively. Plan C: The problem is ignored or set aside for now (e.g. the expectation is removed). One of the core tenets of Dr. Greene’s philosophy is “KIDS DO WELL IF THEY CAN, NOT IF THEY WANT TO.” Kids do not like getting in trouble and they do not like failing. Dr. Greene strongly believes children’s behavior should not be interpreted as manipulative, lazy, or attention-seeking. Behavior is just a signal that the child is stuck and lacks the skills at the moment to solve the problem. Common lagging skills include flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving. “IT IS NOT WILL, IT’S SKILL” - Why is Plan B is the only plan that works. Challenging behavior happens when a child lacks the skills to execute the demand/expectation being placed on them. The goal of collaboration is to identify the problems causing the behavior, rather than focus on the behavior itself. What about punishment? Dr. Greene says punishment is ok, but if you don’t solve the underlying problem, your child will not be any better at meeting the expectation in the future. Plan B - Steps: Step 1: Gather information about the problem situation from the child’s perspective. Find out why they are getting stuck. This is the empathy stage - parents need to listen and be genuinely curious about what their child has to say. **Don’t attempt to solve problems yet. Step 2: Express your concerns from the parent's perspective. Speak calmly and respectfully. What specifically is problematic about this behavior. **Don’t attempt to solve problems yet. Step 3: Collaborate on a solution together that is mutual (and realistic). Your concerns and your child’s concerns both need to be addressed. Ask your child how they think the problem could be solved - you might be surprised by their ideas! Once you settle on a solution, agree that if it is not effective after a solid trial period, you will meet again to discuss other options. For more specific guidance on having this conversation see p. 27-37: https://www.livesinthebalance.org/sites/default/files/2017%20Full%20Day%20Version%203.pdf Dr. Greene’s podcast: https://www.livesinthebalance.org/pycc-radio-program-and-listening-library Dr. Greene’s website: https://www.livesinthebalance.org/
Of course, feel free to reach out to Dr. Melmed or Ms. Peters with questions!
Listening Community
We understand that the special education process can lead to many thoughts and feelings. Beginning in September 2019, the Listening Community was created to provide you with a place to feel heard and a place for you to support each other through the special education process, a place for parents of children with special needs. The Listening Community operates in 6-week cycles, but parents are welcome to join at any time.
Alsu Khalitova, one of our very own JC parents, is a parent facilitator in the group. In her own words, here is what she has to say about participation in the Listening Community:
The "Oxygen Mask" rule - Participation in the Listening Partners Group from the Parent Perspective.
"We as parents tend to forget about ourselves while taking care of our kids. When we fly on planes, we always hear the rule of putting the oxygen mask first on ourselves and then on our kids. This rule should be applied in our everyday life: if we can’t breathe how would we be able to take care of our kids and monitor their vitals.
The Listening group is a place where parents can think of themselves, care about themselves, taking a deep breath, making a stop in a continuous laundry way of thinking which is very common for parents, especially nowadays. The community is a possibility to listen to other parents who may have the same kind of problems and rhetorical or practical questions in the presence of facilitators. If you wish to share your ideas, thoughts and reflections you are more than welcome.
I started attending Listening Community meetings last academic year when my son entered Kindergarten. I wasn’t meant to be part of the group as it had been created for preschool parents, but Sabrina Motta, a Speech and Language pathologist from the Intake group, invited me and I happily joined the group as I longed for some meaningful conversations. Since my children became schoolers, I have had an idea that there is a great need for parents’ education provided by school.
There were several sessions, the meetings were held one in the morning and one in the evening, so that parents had a chance to attend either one of them.
Being part of a Listening Community was important for me. First of all, I could talk to and listen to adults; second, when saying something or listening to other parents’ experiences I was able to visualize if not existing problems, at least the happenings, thus I could stop and reflect. To my mind, it is a much-needed opportunity to be heard by yourself (when you articulate something that’s the moment when you hear and understand yourself) and also to be heard by the people who are in the same kind of situations.
Also, I understood the basics of mindfulness. My eldest son has always been talking about mindfulness lessons they were having at school, and I wondered what mindfulness was.
The actual program is open to all parents of children with special needs, I was invited to be a part of the group as a parent facilitator.
I strongly recommend other parents to pay attention to Listening Community and to start attending these meetings."
For more information about the Listening Community and upcoming meetings, click below or reach out to our district social worker, Kristen Mulhearn, at kristen_mulhearn@greenwich.k12.ct.us
Parent Support Live
Click the button below for more information and the link to join the chats.
District PPS Parent Newsletter
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Mrs. Brenda Brush
Email: brenda_brush@greenwich.k12.ct.us
Website: www.greenwichschools.org/jcs
Location: 180 East Elm Street, Greenwich, CT, USA
Phone: (203) 869-1896
Twitter: @jcasstprincipal