Hot Ice Best 2014: A Year in Review
Nothing to see here
- I went to Europe
- Pete got drunk
- Charlie didn't party
- Claude Giroux showed his NeonDion colors
- The Sharks won the Stanley Cup
I should also mention that Mike and I won a gigantic shiny first place trophy in a South Lake Tahoe tournament. I was of course the tournament leader in goals, assists, points, and sportsmanship. Mike took hella shots because of this. I was sober the whole time and felt great afterward.
1st Place - NeonDion PewpMachine
2nd Place - Hot Ice Beast
3rd Place - THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW
For all you other losers:
Championship week matchups
The Bridesmaid: There Can Only Be One (NeonDion 9, Beast 4):
2013: Baseball Bonerland (Baseball) - 2nd Place
2014: Late Night (Football) - 2nd Place
2014: Hot Ice Best (Hockey) - 2nd Place
That is three consecutive second place finishes, spanning every major fantasy sport. Please donate to my Kickstarter so I may commission a second place trophy in the likeness of Mike. Yes he will be naked. Mike may be laughing all the way to the bank, but when he gets there the teller is going to inform him that his winnings are actually joint-owned by him and Jess, and that "their" money is being syphoned off into a slush fund dedicated to remodeling the kitchen, which Mike will obviously do all by himself while Jess shuffles boxes around in the living room CANASSAAAAAAAA.
Anyway, back to the matchup. I forget how most of it went down, but I can tell you that Pete caught Mike on his moon blood, and if there's one thing Pete has nailed down, it's sniffing out late nite prey. Jeff Carter? Average to above-average all season, then Dr. Dunkles when it counts? Sure! That could be said for a couple of Pete's unsuspecting players, but to his credit he wins the Bob Seger award for Night Moves. Pete put in the man-hours to study the science of what he wanted to do, and made pretty much all the right moves at calculated times. Fuck your spreadsheets nerd. Mike, much like I, was all but dead in the water starting early in the week. He's also a bridesmaid.
Blah Blah Blah (ELBOWS 11, 'NADOs 1):
Summer with Ziggly
Pete's got a real jam-packed schedule for the summer, so don't hold your breath on any further ZIggly pix. What he should've done, if he weren't such a dumb idiot, is bring it on our roady (which we are currently on) to Iowa. But if he's not interested in the American Tour de Zigglois, so be it. Take a shot pussy. Then fire a bottle rocket up my ass.
**Other notable news**
The Cat's Meow: A Cat Story
Autodrafting Charlie huffed and puffed and then fell asleep at 830pm
OH MY GOD CHRIS FINALLY LETS SOMEONE DISCOVER HIS BACK COUNTRY
MOTHAFUCKIN DRAFT CHALLENGE Y'ALL!!!!
You'll notice that Pete's section is the shortest.
Alright bonerboiz, I'm out.
Fuckin taste me,