How to Bunbury
by Jamilah Evans
What is Bunburying?
The Simple Bunburying Necessities
There are some basic necessities that one might need if they desire to bunbury. These are necessary because you don't want to accidentally run into someone you know, and have them recognize you.
For a false identity, you may need:
- a new name, personality, set of interests or hobbies, and a new look
- a different house/location
- a different cellular device
- a different mode of transportation
- a new line of work or an excuse for being unemployed
- a different set of friends from your original identity
While You Were Bunburying
While bunburying, many things could go wrong. This list of possibilities would hopefully help to avoid those problems.
Things to avoid/Possible problems whilst bunburying:
- giving away any information about the other identity
- running into an acquaintance that either the original identity or the double identity has
- unknowingly letting someone bunbury off of your bunburying (a huge mess of sorts)
- confusing one identity with the other (perhaps taking a friend back to the wrong place, for example)
- calling someone by the wrong name because that could make them suspicious
You're ready for the thrill of bunburying to cease. What do you do now? How do you end it?
- If worse comes to worst, have a passport on hand to leave the country or a place to escape to where no one knows you.
- If everything goes correctly, remember that "to tell one lie, you have to tell two," so never stop lying afterwards.
- If you want to take the "honesty" route (bit too late now), know that it will be very hard for the person to trust you and/or like you after the fact.
- If you're scared about how the person will react, an option could be to repulse them in every way imaginable so that they would never want to speak with you again.
- If you tell them the truth and all goes well, go ahead and move on with your life and never bunbury again.
Some Top-Notch Bunburyist:
The pen name of the author of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
A singer who had "the best of both worlds."
The Blue Spirit
Zuko, a firebender from the TV show Avatar: The Last Airbender, had a double identity as The Blue Spirit for selfish ambition but later for selfless acts.
CAUTION: bunbarying may be very stressful and/or lead to several health problems concerning stress. side effects may include: frequent sweating, mildly intense migraines, minor heart attacks or strokes, and death.
Frequently Asked Questions
---There are several options to choose from if the metaphorical curtain was to be drawn. Firstly, you could beg everyone affected by the bunburying for their forgiveness. If that doesn't work, you could dissociate yourself with the victims of your bunburying and find relationships elsewhere. Thirdly, as always an option, you could leave the city/state/country where you are currently residing.
2. What if the bunburyist identity gets stolen?
---First of all, that's just sad. Second of all, that could be the opportunity to rid yourself of that identity! Congratulations! You aren't a complete failure after all.
3. What if people like the double identity more than your actual identity?
---Well, do whatever your heart tells you... just kidding, that's terrible advice. Keep the double identity.