Primal Leadership

Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 7 - The Motivation to Change

The First Discovery: The Ideal Self - Where the change Begins

  • Connecting with our dreams brings on our passion, new energy and excitement about life.

  • Uncovering your ideal self - the person that you would like to be in life and work - is the key to begin change.

  • To ensure a true lasting change requires a strong commitment to a future vision of oneself


  • ( Imagine yourself ten, fifteen years from now?
  • Where would you like to be?
  • What would you like to be doing?)

  • This kind of exercise, the envisioning of the ideal future is a very powerful way to connect with real possibilities for a change in our lives - gives us a motivating hope.

The "Ought" versus the Ideal

  • It is important to be yourself and not fall into the pattern, or routine, or someone else's expectations.

  • Don't lose sight of your dreams due to a pressure from life responsibilities ( mortgage, college bills, certain life style...).

  • The gap between the Real and the Ideal self may lead to a lack of motivation, apathy or rebellion.

No Vision, No Passion

  • True leadership development is much more than "career planning", it begins with a holistic vision of one's life.

  • To achieve improved business performance, leaders need to be emotionally engaged in self-development, what really matters to them.

  • Making a dream become a reality is motivating and inspiring.

  • Younger generation has a more balanced view of life and work than the older generation, they are less willing to make the sacrifices that their parents did.

  • Values play an important role in uncovering and understanding the ideal self but values can change over time ( events such as marriage, health issues, birth of a child, job related events, will influence our values)

  • Person's philosophy is much more enduring. Understanding your own philosophy
    can help you determine your values ( "family" example)

Philosophy - How People Determine Value

Three most common philosophies that drive each person’s actions, thoughts and feelings are: pragmatic, intellectual and humanistic.

  • Pragmatic

– usefulness determines the worth of the idea, effort, person or an organization,
- they rank high in self – management
- pace-setting leadership style

  • Intellectual

- desire to understand people, things and the world,

- rely on logic in decision making,

- visionary leadership style, the vision must be reasonable

  • Humanistic

- committed to human values, family and close friends,

- loyalty is valued over mastery of a job or skill,

- every person is important, social awareness

- democratic, affiliative or coaching leadership style

The Ever-Changing Ideal

  • As life goes on, our career and educations grows, our dreams and aspirations change

  • Often that change results in new career or philanthropy ( Peter Lynch - " I've done well, now I want to do good")

  • Our ideal self image and personal vision of what we truly want brings on passion, motivation and inspiration.

  • To be able to identify our ideal self image, one must have a great deal of self-awareness

  • To be a resonant leader of an organization the vision must be shared with others, to lead them in the same direction. ( Napoleon - " A leader is a dealer in hope" )

  • Additionally, a leader must be aware of the realities around them.

The Second Discovery: The Real Self, or Are You a Boiling Frog?

Big image

Activity - The "Logan Test"

- Do you wake up each morning excited about the day?
- Do you laugh as much as you did in the past?
- Are you still having fun in your personal life?
- Are you still having fun in work?

The answers to these questions will help you determine if you have fallen into the boiling frog syndrome...

The Elusive Real Self

  • Knowing who you are as a leader begins with recognition of your talents and passion.

  • The process can be difficult and it requires well developed self-awareness.

  • For most part we are looking into clouded mirror - and when we finally can see clearly , we may not like who we became.

  • The human psyche or the ego-defense mechanism shields us from information that may undermine our self- perception , sometimes leading to self - delusion.

Vital Lies

  • Self delusion can be both positive and negative; leaders tend to be more optimistic, full of enthusiasm and energy but often tend to ignore the difficult realities.

  • If leaders hold extremely high standards for themselves , they will underrate their performance or contributions

  • Others usually see the leader and their actions more clearly

  • Best way to correct any distortions in our self-perception is to receive feedback ( remember the CEO disease?

The Problem with" Being Nice"

  • Often it makes people uncomfortable to give a true feedback on someone's behavior

  • Rather than providing constructive, productive criticism, they go out of their ways to "be nice"

  • Observations become inaccurate and useless ( disservice to the person being observed)

  • One recommendation was to make feedback non-evaluative so the the recipients will accept it easier ( MIT study proved it ineffective)

  • Most people would rather know the true version, not the diluted one.

Getting to the Truth

  • Leaders use their self-awareness and empathy to understand their own behavior and to see how others react to them

  • It is crucial to seek both positive and negative feedback

  • Negative feedback has promoted person's growth and effectiveness.

  • Feedback should be gathered from many different people , bosses, peers and subordinates ( 360 - degree evaluation) to receive multiple perspective of your behavior and and more complete image.

  • Most people when they receive feedback tend to focus on what they are doing wrong and trying to fix it. These are also the same leaders who have a low-self-confidance and don't believe in their success

Completing the Second Discovery

  • First Discovery promotes self learning and finding your ideal self image, your strengths.

  • Second Discovery focuses on reality - how you see yourself and how others see you, it focuses on recognizing your leadership strengths and gaps, the real and the ideal

  • Self - awareness of what one needs to develop or to work on and what they can keep is the key to accepting change

  • Focusing only on gaps, ignoring to recognize people's success and abilities is depressing and demotivating , it may interrupt or even stop the possibility of change.