Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 7 - The Motivation to Change
The First Discovery: The Ideal Self - Where the change Begins
- Connecting with our dreams brings on our passion, new energy and excitement about life.
- Uncovering your ideal self - the person that you would like to be in life and work - is the key to begin change.
- To ensure a true lasting change requires a strong commitment to a future vision of oneself
- ( Imagine yourself ten, fifteen years from now?
- Where would you like to be?
- What would you like to be doing?)
- This kind of exercise, the envisioning of the ideal future is a very powerful way to connect with real possibilities for a change in our lives - gives us a motivating hope.
The "Ought" versus the Ideal
- It is important to be yourself and not fall into the pattern, or routine, or someone else's expectations.
- Don't lose sight of your dreams due to a pressure from life responsibilities ( mortgage, college bills, certain life style...).
- The gap between the Real and the Ideal self may lead to a lack of motivation, apathy or rebellion.
No Vision, No Passion
- True leadership development is much more than "career planning", it begins with a holistic vision of one's life.
- To achieve improved business performance, leaders need to be emotionally engaged in self-development, what really matters to them.
- Making a dream become a reality is motivating and inspiring.
- Younger generation has a more balanced view of life and work than the older generation, they are less willing to make the sacrifices that their parents did.
- Values play an important role in uncovering and understanding the ideal self but values can change over time ( events such as marriage, health issues, birth of a child, job related events, will influence our values)
- Person's philosophy is much more enduring. Understanding your own philosophy
can help you determine your values ( "family" example)
Philosophy - How People Determine Value
– usefulness determines the worth of the idea, effort, person or an organization,
- they rank high in self – management
- pace-setting leadership style
- desire to understand people, things and the world,
- rely on logic in decision making,
- visionary leadership style, the vision must be reasonable
- committed to human values, family and close friends,
- loyalty is valued over mastery of a job or skill,
- every person is important, social awareness
- democratic, affiliative or coaching leadership style
The Ever-Changing Ideal
- As life goes on, our career and educations grows, our dreams and aspirations change
- Often that change results in new career or philanthropy ( Peter Lynch - " I've done well, now I want to do good")
- Our ideal self image and personal vision of what we truly want brings on passion, motivation and inspiration.
- To be able to identify our ideal self image, one must have a great deal of self-awareness
- To be a resonant leader of an organization the vision must be shared with others, to lead them in the same direction. ( Napoleon - " A leader is a dealer in hope" )
- Additionally, a leader must be aware of the realities around them.
The Second Discovery: The Real Self, or Are You a Boiling Frog?
Activity - The "Logan Test"
- Do you wake up each morning excited about the day?
- Do you laugh as much as you did in the past?
- Are you still having fun in your personal life?
- Are you still having fun in work?
The answers to these questions will help you determine if you have fallen into the boiling frog syndrome...
The Elusive Real Self
- Knowing who you are as a leader begins with recognition of your talents and passion.
- The process can be difficult and it requires well developed self-awareness.
- For most part we are looking into clouded mirror - and when we finally can see clearly , we may not like who we became.
- The human psyche or the ego-defense mechanism shields us from information that may undermine our self- perception , sometimes leading to self - delusion.
- Self delusion can be both positive and negative; leaders tend to be more optimistic, full of enthusiasm and energy but often tend to ignore the difficult realities.
- If leaders hold extremely high standards for themselves , they will underrate their performance or contributions
- Others usually see the leader and their actions more clearly
- Best way to correct any distortions in our self-perception is to receive feedback ( remember the CEO disease?
The Problem with" Being Nice"
- Often it makes people uncomfortable to give a true feedback on someone's behavior
- Rather than providing constructive, productive criticism, they go out of their ways to "be nice"
- Observations become inaccurate and useless ( disservice to the person being observed)
- One recommendation was to make feedback non-evaluative so the the recipients will accept it easier ( MIT study proved it ineffective)
- Most people would rather know the true version, not the diluted one.
Getting to the Truth
- Leaders use their self-awareness and empathy to understand their own behavior and to see how others react to them
- It is crucial to seek both positive and negative feedback
- Negative feedback has promoted person's growth and effectiveness.
- Feedback should be gathered from many different people , bosses, peers and subordinates ( 360 - degree evaluation) to receive multiple perspective of your behavior and and more complete image.
- Most people when they receive feedback tend to focus on what they are doing wrong and trying to fix it. These are also the same leaders who have a low-self-confidance and don't believe in their success
Completing the Second Discovery
- First Discovery promotes self learning and finding your ideal self image, your strengths.
- Second Discovery focuses on reality - how you see yourself and how others see you, it focuses on recognizing your leadership strengths and gaps, the real and the ideal
- Self - awareness of what one needs to develop or to work on and what they can keep is the key to accepting change
- Focusing only on gaps, ignoring to recognize people's success and abilities is depressing and demotivating , it may interrupt or even stop the possibility of change.