Week 4: Show me your nessssstttt

IT IS SUITABLE

****IMPORTANT LEAGUE ISSUE CONCERNING THE WAIVER WIRE****

HOW HAS NO ONE ADDED #21 YET?!?!?!?!

In other news....

Welp, it's that time of the year again - early November; we all know what that means. Ryan - it's a good thing the other derelict managers in this league have given you a head start


Line of the Night

Monday: Dangleberry Droplets: 3g, 3a, +6, 17sog, 13fw, 9hit, 6blk, 3.00gaa, 22sv, .880sv%


Tuesday: Joan Smoothers: 3g, 5a, -1, 20pim, 1ppp, 29sog, 28fw, 16hit, 12blk, 1.00gaa, 26sv, .963sv%


Wednesday: Cat Pasey: 3g, 4a, +4, 2pim, 3ppp, 15sog, 12fw, 13hit, 5 blk, 2.88gaa, 17sv, .850sv%


Thursday: Cat Pasey: 3g, 2a, +2, 3ppp, 15sog, 26fw, 17hit, 2blk


Friday: Dangleberry Droplets: 5g, 5a, +2, 8pim, 3ppp, 18sog, 32fw, 14hit, 5blk, 1.46gaa, 56sv, .949sv%, 1sho


Saturday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 5g, 4a, -1, 8pim, 2ppp, 27sog, 52fw, 13hit, 6blk, 21sv, 1sho


Sunday:
Dangleberry Droplets: 2g, 4a, +3, 8pim, 1ppp, 17sog, 1fw, 7hit, 2.77gaa, 33sv, .917sv%

Week 4 Matchups

Happy Hour strikes back (ELBOWs 11, Malkin-g 1):

Mmmm blowout j of the week goes 2 miiii waSSSSUUUUPPPP. Austin and I were fighting like hot cocks all week but I finally pulled away on Sunday thanks to a marginally better line. I had some sassy WWW stats via Wideman - just enough to earn me blocks. Somehow I caught Anderson on a bad week and stole all goalie categories - praise be.


I really thought I screenshotted one of Austin's snap chats, but apparently I missed it. I'm sure you can all guess it though - a table of JD shotzzzz and beow with the caption that went something like "this might be why I'm losing this week..but I'm not sure". Well, Austin did sit 1g, 1a, +1, 2pim, 13sog, 8fw, 4hit, and 1blk on Friday between Stamkos and Vanek, but it clearly didn't matter as that would have made the matchup....10-2 (but very close to 8-2).

Just shut the fuck up Ryan ;p (Droplets 6, Cat's 5):

Another bittersweet matchup for the Hot Ice franchise - Ryan squeaks out another victory by the hairs of his peeny peen peen NO FUCKING WAY. The consolation: Catboi tallies another L and feels what it's like to lose in the 11th hour mmmmm so many lust moments.


I'll just cut to the important part: Sunday night - Matt did his hipster HF sleuthing and picked up rookie goalie Reto Berra vs the Hawks - highly aggressive but there was no other choice. Well, a shutout would've iced it for Matt, but a 2gaa game with no goals from Ryan also would've given him the victory. Well, Ryan had that doucher Patrick Kane going, which meant that after Berra got scored on once, the only thing that could have given Ryan the victory is if Kane scored. Wel........Kane scored. Of fucking course. I'm sure Ryan was giggling his hairless little butt off with a THC lollipop in his mouth for the celly Sunday night. BUT, let's not forget that Matt sat 1g, 1a, 4sog, 4fw, and 1blk on Monday evening. Sooo....poop's on you? Either way, Ryan is now 2-1-1, and both of his wins have either been handed to him unearned, or achieved through his rastafarian dark arts voodoo magic. Unbelievable.

Daem. (Beast 6, Pasey 5):

Another squeaker between Hot Ice's beauty and the beast combatants. It's always great when a close matchup can come down to +/- amirite?? PIMs tied, PPP within 1 - BE BETTER PAT. Pat's goalies completely pewpt the bed this week, with Bob being the chief pewper. Strangely, Pat was content with a 4.17gaa, 40sv, .800sv% goalie line, and didn't attempt the Addisonian goalie stream strategy. Probably because Brian had already swooped them all.

Ender's best players were Backstrom (3g, 1a) and Crosby (5a, 55fw), and got pretty consistent team-wide contributions otherwise. Which is ironic, because in our Monday night in-house game Mike was not all about contribution.


In the Battle of Flavor Country, Phillip Morris wins again (Joan 7, Fiber 6):

As predicted, this matchup came down to the goalies. Chris took 2/3, but Brian clawed his way to a victory in saves thanks to his goalie barrage tactixxxx. The only other close category was blocks, which Brian also eked out thanks to some defensive streaming (10 blocks streamed). Aaaand of course Brian got a shutout on Sunday. Reeeeaaaal Brownian of you, Brian.


Chris had some WWW as well, as he snagged a couple rare goals from original ELBOWs draft pick Paul Stastny.

Pete claims first victory from autopilot-at-large Charzy (PewpMachine 10, Bonerz 3):

Charlie pay me


Week 4 Awards

Domestication: Oh yea, we're back. Slamma jamma y'all!: The Cat's Meow:


Waiver Wire Wizardry: Joan Smoothers, Fiber Frenzy


Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: The Cat's Meow, Fiber Frenzy, Cat Pasey


Harken da Wahmberlamps: The Cat's Meow


Tight butthole: Dangleberry Droplets


Desk Pop: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW

Week 5 Predictions

ELBOW Frenzy: Considering Varlamov is too busy beating his girlfriend, I might have a chance at goalie stats. Otherwise I'm off to a decent start while Chris mismanages his team from somewhere out of town. ELBOWs 8, Fiber 5


Dead Dangles: Dead Dangles sounds like Ryan's game right now ;p Austin if you go rogue again and hand Ryan another undeserved victory I'm going to drive to SJ and hang you upside down by your dick. And then we'll take shots. Malkin-g 13, Droplets -2


Hot Ice Meowz: Mmmm, I'm gonna predict this victory based on the golfing odds between these two: Beast 8, Cat's 4


Pewp Smoothers: Pete is still pretty crippled, and although Brian has dropped off somewhat, I think he still has enough power to step over Pete's slovenly body whlie uttering something along the lines of 'beat it, hobo'. Joan 7, PewpMachine 5


Pasey Boner: Charlie is interestingly leading this matchup by a decent margin, but I don't see that happening for long. Pasey 8, Zamz 3








Happy merking,


G<3d