Hot Ice Best 2013

A Year in Review

I apologize for the incredible tardiness of this year-ending Dish, but I really dragged my feet with the trophy and seeing as this is pretty much a trophy presentation Dish, well here you go. Anyway, it's been written since June so I'm keeping it that way:


To everyone who won their Championship Matchup in the 2013 inaugural Hot Ice Best Fantasy Hockey League, please step forward.

Not so fast Pete.

It is with utmost disrespect and contempt that I crown our first Hot Ice Best champion....Matthew "Catboi" Brown of team The Cat's Meow. Look how fucking smug he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's show him what he's won. After a long wait, I present to all of you....


Wait, who is that on the centerpiece?? Is that Joe Thornton holding court over Le Coup?! It certainly is!! WASSUUPPPP!!!!

In some circles it is already being referred to as Le Coup du Zigglois. In any case, I'm sure Britt won't allow it in their house because it doesn't match the Walmart decor.

Our hubris-soaked feline friend will enjoy one of his nine lifetimes of bragging rights, and more importantly a summer with Lord Ziggly. Which brings me to our newest installment of the Hot Ice Best franchise: A Summer with Ziggly. Matt, you are charged with periodically providing pictures with you and Lord Ziggly's Cup over the course of the summer. I don't care what you do with it, as long as a) you don't break it, and b) you always remember that I deflowered it first (which, yes, automatically implies that it's more sexually experienced than Britt).

So, take it on hikes with Joey, brag about it to your brother even though he has ten that are bigger, and most importantly DRINK MY PISS OUT OF IT YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Our Championship match was less than overwhelming, especially considering I should have been in Pete's place. To be honest I forget how it went.

In our third place game, I squeaked through by the hairs on my peeny peen peen as an eleventh hour Marc Methot addition gave me the blocks I needed to vanquish Charlie. Praise be his excellence in all his glory Marc Methot.

And now....we await the second installment of Hot Ice Best. The Preseason Dish is in your inbox as we speak, and it is time-sensitive. So get your hand off your vulva and check it out.

Suck a dick you silly bitches,