The Dance with Illness
From Annelies & Conduit for Change, LLC
Deep Breath to Enlightenment
Hello Dear Ones,
Wow, what a shocker to weigh out life through a knock down fight (or shall I say, dance) with illness. One day a bad cold, the next-- acute pneumonia, needing oxygen treatments. It's been a very tough and enlightening road for me recently.
As a child I dealt often with a simple cold that would slip into bronchitis then pneumonia because I had allergies and asthma so complications easily ensued. I had not been in hospital strapped to an oxygen tank since childhood but found myself in the same physicians office I often was in-- doing the same childhood dance. Breath in, breath out. Tears streaming down my face. Will I be able to take the next breath..? What did I do to cause this great suffering on me and my loved ones? (AH- the blame game...)
As you can imagine, I was frightened. I saw my transitioned dad, distant family, a shaman all in my fevery dreams. My life flashed before my eyes. I told my sweetheart, Greg, where the will and important documents were. It was that kind of experience.
And yet, I found a fantastic kind of solace in slowing down to a breath's pace. All of life as still as a single breath. I watched the world through closed eyes, through the gentle hands of my physicians, my lover, my mother, through carefully prepared homemade meals from friends and family. As I regain strength and breath to see the world, hear more around me, place more words in a sentence-- I am reminded of the gentle blessings of simplicity. We do not need much. And life is so very fragile and all at once, also resilient.
I am better each day. Still too weak to move swiftly, even folding laundry wears me out. But I am brighter today, I feel brighter. So, in light of where I am and where you are in relation to me- I am grateful. I am deeply and humbly grateful to make a living that enables me to keep my clients cootie-free via technology and phone calls, a career that enables me to use my brilliant mind and heart verses manual labor exposed to toxic chemicals (as I did for too many years doing hair). I am humbly grateful to have systems in place that enable me to continue to make an income and to keep up with the commitments I've made to beautiful people like you.
As I continue to serve my clients, I'll most likely keep my days lighter and request only call sessions verses face-to-face sessions, till I'm back on my feet. I'll be better and better. Although I can imagine I may be a bit winded on occasion, kindly be patient. I may let you all talk more than usual. Lucky you. ;)
A Snail's Gift of Slow Healing
One of my greatest mentors, teacher and friend, Dianne Connelley, co-founder of the Tai Sophia Institute and author, wrote in her book All Sickness is Homesickness, "For the most part in this Western culture we hold our symptoms as opposed to our health. They are "bad"... ought to be fought, not embraced. Our relationships to our symptoms are debilitating and dis-empowering to ourselves. For the most part, our conversations with our symptoms are fights and so our victories turn out clever, but not very powerful or creative. Perhaps an appropriate question here is, what is possible?"
As I see the constant up-ending we all are experiencing culturally, economically, environmentally, politically (the list goes on).. We have a choice on how to 'see' and move with our symptoms. Consider it. Consider this dance of what's broken as not broken at all but a creative investigation reaching for breath.