Things about my life

by: Courtney Brown

My story about Anxiety & Depression

A lot of people know that through my middle school years, I was more quiet and not very social outside of the few friends I had. My first 7th grade year, I was bullied. Most of the time I never told my parents, in fear of them going to the school and it only making matters worse. I blamed myself a lot of the times. The more it happened, the more it made me think that I wasn't good enough for anyone, including my family. It caused a lot of fights between my parents and I, and they never knew how to react because they really just never knew what was going on. I stopped doing my homework, I really just gave up, on everything. I ended up getting held back, my mom's choice. she wanted me to get away from the drama and have a fresh start. But that never happened until high school. You see, the next year the bullying wasn't happening on school grounds, but on the bus. My glasses were broke, a couple of my shirts got torn, and they were always just calling me these terrible names, some I can't repeat they were just so bad. I started having thoughts that maybe if I was just gone, everyone's lives would be better. I started with cutting. That is a sensitive subject. But I felt that the more I did it, and felt the pain on my wrist that the pain in my mind would just go away. When all it did was make it worse. I developed severe depression, I just didn't want to be here anymore. I also developed severe anxiety, and struggle with that to this day. I fear a lot of things. shame, being hurt, and going back to the place I was in, My mind. I went to therapy, and at first I was shy, and never really wanted to open up. At first he would ask me questions, sometimes I cried, sometimes I answered. You see, the more I went, the more I realized I was just solving my own problems, he was just there to listen. He was someone I trusted. And that felt amazing to have. It took time for me to recover. I have to take medicine to help, but at this point in my life, I can honestly say I am happy to be where I am, and I Courtney Renee brown am not letting anyone get in my way.
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My Family

So my family is just a little bit out of the ordinary. The reason I say that is because my grandpa is always telling me "there is never a dull moment in this family". And its very true. I could start before I had been born, but I'm going to start from when I was born. You see my mom was 6 months pregnant, when everything that was bad could happen did. My mom was driving to pick up my step sister when a drunk driver that was under the influence at .09 swerved and hit her. When she woke up there was a tire sitting right above her head. and she turned to her right to see a lady sitting there, when everything came to she heard the lady repeatedly asking her if she was pregnant. When my mom answered yes she seemed confused, so she asked the lady why. The lady responded very scared your in labor don't move. The ambulance had to cut her out of the car. When my dad showed up, they told him that they were leaving to head to the hospital, and that he could follow. About 2 hours latter I was born. I weighed 2 pounds and 13 ounces. They were telling my mom I had 5 days to live. So my mom would spend nights and days in the hospital just to spend time with me. on the fifth day my mom was visiting the area where they keep the babies. And when she was leaving to go back to her room, the nurse told her to wait that they wanted to check on me one more time before they took my mom back. My mom then described a maintenance looking guy probably mid 30's, saying he approached her. She says he asked " do you have a baby in there" my mom replying "yes" He handed her a gold coin saying that I was going to be okay. My mom turned around thinking she heard the nurse, then a second later when she turned back around to thank the man, he was gone. vanished. It was like he was never there. And no one in the hospital knew who my mom was talking about. My great grandma to this day tells my mom that it was my guardian angel. and to this day we still have that gold coin.
but my life doesn't stop there. I'm not going to continue on with my life stories, but if questionable about anything make sure to make a comment or email me. Even though my life and family may be a little crazy I couldn't ask for a better life. And never would.
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My Friends

You see, there is always someone in the world that you can call a friend. What makes them true friends is when they stick by your side through thick and thin. They don't lie to you. They are open. They tend to be the one's you share the most laughs with. They are always the people you can be yourself around. I am glad to say that I have a great group of those friends, and I wouldn't change them for the world. My first friend that I consider my sister would be Taegan Zianne Bledsoe. She has literally been with me through my whole life. We have known each other since birth. we got separated until age 6, and when she came to Delphi we clicked right away. we were in Mrs. Gasser's class and we both were a little socially awkward. I decided to say "hi". And that was the begging of our journey. We talk about everything, and spent every minute with each other. our first 7th grade year we were more distant from each other. But when we both got held back it brought our bondage really close. We became unbreakable, and never let anyone or any drama get between us. She was the person that helped me through all my issues, even though that was a lot put on her, being we were both the same age. She built me into the strong girl that i am today. For ninth grade she got pulled out and put into home school. It was a hard point for both of us. I remember the last day of summer school, I cried like a baby. But to this day every time we hang out, which isn't often, we cherish every moment.

Another person that is a very close friend of mine, is someone that hasn't been in my life forever. Her name is November Hunt. She came to Delphi in eighth grade. She didn't really hang out with me then, because of a couple people i was hanging out with. But now that we are in high school, she has helped me through so much. Her and I have almost every class together. In first hour we work a lot together, and I know if i ever need to get something off my chest I can go to her. She always seems to make my day better. She is a sweet and trustworthy girl. And I could never throw away our friendship.

Then I have one more girl. Her name is sharlette Brakota Mae. She is an absolute sweet heart. She hates drama, so she always helps me steer clear of it. She hasn't been here long. But she has defiantly shown me that a friendship doesn't matter about the years. It matters about who comes in your life and doesn't leave when time's get rough. She is funny and sweet, and even though she can be addicted to her phone at time's she tends to make the most memorable moments. We share much laughter, and we share very similar stories. Not all the same though. I know that she has my back and she knows that I always will have her's through the rough and through the fun.
This is what true friendship is about.

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The Inspiration behind Anna Clendening.

There are many different style's of music. I tend to love them all. The reason I say that is because there is always a different genera and for vocal purposes I think it is neat to see the different things people can do with their voices. My most listened to genera would have to be pop. There is an artist that hasn't been completely known yet. But her name is Anna clendening. She struggles with anxiety and depression, and writing and singing music helped her out so much. So I feel a strong connection. Her music has strong emotion behind it. And you can feel and hear the emotion in her voice. Even with her struggles she made it on to the x-factor, and did an amazing job. She is one of my biggest inspirations, and I just found her recently on YouTube. I really would love you to go check her out. She is amazing, and I'm sure you will love her as much as I do.
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My painting

So as you know from my first article, I went through a lot. Well during that I turned to new hobbies, dancing (which I taught myself), drawing, singing, and painting. Well painting was something that I had never been good at. But it is something that I very well enjoy now. One of my favorite things to do is to make quotes. The reason being is because most of the quotes I see have a very strong feeling to me. So I try different things to make work, and they tend to do just what I want. What I like most about painting is nothing is ever wrong. You can mess up, and still make it something beautiful. I like seeing how I create things myself, besides the quote. Because it shows me how creative I can be with a simple flick of my wrist. It is a neat thing to try. Because once you see how much you can do, you never want to stop, you want to continue to try and get better.
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I Found Myself | Anna Clendening
DIY Room decor: Galaxy diamond painting