Late Night season-ending dish
Cuz Saksen won't do it
First off, stop with the texts already
1) All hail King Oren
Back-to-back champ makes Saksen go ass-to-ass
400 yds and 4 TDs for Peyton, including double trouble to Decker for two TDs. Add in two TDs each from Demarco Murray and Legarrette fucking Blount, and those four guys surpassed 100 and nearly outscored the Catfish all by themselves.
Then he went and spent all $300 of his winnings on a fancy seafood dinner like a boss.
2) Poor, poor Dr. Commish
Icarus flew high...a little too high
Saksen's seksis picked the worst week to have their worst week. Pierre Thomas? Goose egg. Phil Rivers? Single-digit turd. Only stalwarts AJ Green, Eddie "Don't Call Me Cobb" Lacy, and Nick Foles came to play.
As it became readily apparent that Mike was going to lose, and lose hard, he took to the bottle to comfort himself while berating us to take FaceTime shots with him. When no one initially bit, he decided to film himself taking four consecutive shots, then stared into his smartphone with the look of despair seen above.
Shortly afterward, I took him up on the FaceTime shot request and learned that Mrs. Commish was none too pleased to come home and find her husband shit-faced and near tears over his fantasy loss.
Saksen then went AWOL for the Sunday night game as leaguewide shit-talking commenced on the never-ending text chain. No one knew where he went, but this intrepid reporter was able to get ahold of surveillance video at Froggy's, where he evidently went to further drown his sorrows and antagonize the other patrons.
3) Hatton hangs hat in third
4) Tanks for nothing
5) Greg won conso, no one cares
6) Pete has most points, finishes sixth
7) I finished seventh, no one cares even less
Now I have a kid on the way due March 22...I'm definitely going to have to do the fantasy baseball draft in the delivery room. On the bright side, I might finally be able to stay up for the weekly waiverpalooza in Late Night next year while tending to a crying baby. #ChalupaBatman #LateNightChamp2026
8) Jon rounds out the 2014 returnees
9) Lacey loses Tier 1 privileges...
10) Matt the gutter cat
And I don't know this Spencer fellow, but Pete tells me he's a cop in Alameda. Just know that I'm a crime reporter that covers the Bay Area, so if anything interesting ever happens in Alameda (unlikely), then you have my email if you want to give me hot tipz. And if there's suddenly a spike in police brutality there once you've been cc'd in the never-ending text chain, I'll know it was youuuuuuuuuu.
P.S. Stop with the texts. Seriously.
P.P.S. Don't stop :-*