what i am afraid of
It is also referred to as thanatophobia (fear of death), and is distinguished from necrophobia, which is a specific fear of dead or dying persons and/or things (i.e. others who are dead or dying, not one's own death or dying).
Death is one of my biggest fears in life, for the simple fact that i don’t want to be in eternal darkness forever. I am afraid of not only dying but dying painfully. I want there to be no torturing pain that I have to endure. I also do not want to miss out on anything in life that the future may bring. This fear began a while after my father passed. I sometimes was prevented from sleeping, in fear that I might not wake up. I also fear that I will get the same disease that he had. My dad had a disease that attacked all of his internal organs, which sadly in his case, was very painful. This made me feel as though I had to do things to stay healthy, for example: I used to drink water in excess amounts until I got sick to try and stay healthy.
One time I came very close to my fear. I had to have a very serious spinal surgery that lasted six hours in total. I was so afraid of being put to sleep, but I faced that fear for the benefit of my body.
I have now realized that everyone has to die someday and I am not as scared about it, but there will always be a little of fear in my heart.