A Wall Unforgiven
Always be true to who you are.
" Thump, thump, thump." It was a constant beat, almost like a drum, that seemed to ring in little Elif's ear as the night drowned on. A voice made of flowers and honey whispered,
"Run, my Elif! I will always love you!"
She stirred with a start..
I sprinted like a cheetah chasing pray, I was now in an ice invested climate.There was 1 photo that looked as though it was holding dust, it shown like 1000 fireflies in the sliver of moonlight that was allowed past the heavy duty metal blinds. The bed stand was about 5 in. long, only enough to let 1 half of a disintegrated bottle full of room temperature water.
" Mother! They've done it! They've taken our freedom! Your dream!" I carefully peeled the covers down only to find a pillow with flowers of vibrant blue, purple, and pink. It could not be, I refuse to believe it! Mother would never betray us like this!
I glanced at the window only to find my dad looking as if his face bad blended in with the the colorless world outside our colorless life, all color drained from his face no trace of any existing happiness. Outside the little bed side window was the thing that was made of dreams that would never come true, all the deaths, all the injustice. All the hue that had brimmed the sky seemed to have been drained from the face if ex.
"Dad!" I whispered, he tore his eyes off the window and at me, I was embraced in a hug. "Leif, I'm so sorry....." he whispered in a hoarse voice.That sorry in many ways, a lot I didn't know about.
I'm 2 years older, now I am 14, living in prison. East Berlin.
"Yes Lennox?" I whispered into the darkness of our bedroom.
" Where did you go?"
"Lennox, I just got up to get a glass of water.You need to go back to bed!" I said, with only half my brain on.
" Bbbbut it's dark!" he stuttered.
"Just, come sleep in my bed." I said pushing his matted, dusty brown teddy bear, Fuzzy, to the other side of the bed.
"Run!" A familiar female voice whispered...
I awoke with a start. Lennox was lying next to me eyes closed, with a train of drool leading to my pillow. The clock on my bedside flared in blood red letters 12:02 am. All I could think was cold macaroni. I scrambled down the cherry wood steps. I strolled into our electricfiying cold tile made my feet numb as I entered the kitchen. I grabbed the silky silver handle of our pitch black crock pot.
The frigid, yolk yellow, arched tubes that looked like they were covered in snail slime, yet tasted saucy filled my bear growling tummy.
Then 2 beach ball sized bright green eyes popped out at me and startled my very well being.
I dropped it.
All I heard was faint crying, almost a whispered.
How could I have been so cluless? A brother with autisum and Lyme disease! How could I have been so..so...
A man with a face that seemed as if all lifehad drained out of it rounded the corner. He carefully, with a straight face, picked up sobbing Lennox and climbed the cherry wood steps.
Walking to School
"Okay, last night, I wanted a midnight snack. Of course I wanted cold macaroni. So, I got that crockpot my dad uses out..."
"Your dad makes macaroni in a crockpot?" asked Zoë, she had always been interested in my dad's strange cooking habits.
"Yes! Back to the topic!" I snapped. Zoë had the tendency to interupt people, so you had to be firm or you would be there all day.
"Well, then I see these enormous eyes pop out at me! I was so startled that I dropped the crockpot. Lennox was crying on the floor. Then Dad came down and scooped him off the floor, not one word to me!"
"What happened this morning?" Zoë asked, her eyes full of curiosity.
"Lennox didn't come down for breakfast on Dad's back like a monkey like normal. Dad didn't talk, but that isn't out of the ordinary. But he left the house, with us in it, before Ms. G got there!"
Dad always waits and makes sure that someone is watching Lennox. He can't walk for very long because he has Lyme disease, which makes his muscles weak. (What is weird about Lyme disease is that it comes from a deer tick). Lennox also has autism, which makes him scream like a fire alarm at times. Dad spends half his salary on Lennox's tutor, Ms. G, just because of this reason.
"Her name is Miss G. Dad has trusted her with Lennox since they met (after mom left). Apearently they had known eachother since collage."
"What!? Something is not right! Its detective time!"
She pulled a royal blue, first class,magnifying glass out of her pocket, then gave me a wink.
It wad the best time of that day.
I launched the inquisition.
"So why did dad leave us before Lennox's tutor got here?" I asked pacing back and forth across the blacktop court.
"Maybe he needed some fresh air," Zoë suggested. I know my dad and he never goes outside by choice. But I didn't want to shoot her down like a Stasi officer.
" Possibly. Did he go to the grocery?"
"No. That doesn't Lennox's tutor do that?"
"You're right," What did my father go and do. He might have wanted some alone time. He has been distant since Mother left.
Since Mother left...
Since Mother left!
Zoë! It has to do with Mother! He misses Mother!" I exclaimed. "He wants her back! Wait. He wants her back."
The world froze.
The sun was staring into my eyes as my world went black.
Then was back.
"Elif, what's wrong?"
"I... I figured it out. Dad is trying to leave... to get us freedom,"
"Run... Run... RUN!" The pillow was calling to me, and I followed the sound it was making, only because my mind was already asleep.
Then my dream came to life.
"Run, Elif. Run, don't stop!" The voice was as conventional as the warm touch of a mother.
Then, in a split second, I had a look back to what seemed like a million years ago.
"I'm not leaving you. I'm just..." How did I know those words? Mother?
"Lennox, what are you doing up it's 2:17 in the morning,"
As he climbed into my bed with Fuzzy, I thought about why my Mother was telling me to run.
"Elif, if Mommy loved us, why did she leave us?"
I wasn't prepared for that.
I could tell another question had bloomed in his mind.
"Do I really have a mommy?"
"Lennox... you do... she's just gone,"
"Where did she go?"
"Lennox, it's 2:20. Don't worry about it now. Go to sleep."
As his eyes drifted away, a tear rolled down my face.
"I'm asking myself the same thing. Where did Mommy go?"
Why did she leave?
What was so important that she had to leave her 12 year old daughter, 2 year old, autistic, Lyme disease-stricken son with her silent husband? She was the support.
Dad had always been a quiet man. But since Mother left, he is a zombie. We always read To Kill A Mockingbird together before bed. He had an exclusive voice for each character. Ilove Scout. She is my favorite character. Dad always said that I was unique when I went through a phase and I answered to nothing but Scout. I wasn't reading it when I was two, but Dad talked about it constantly.
Now, he doesn't even say my real name ever since Mother left. Except when he told me he was sorry. Two years ago. He barely even talks to me.
But Mother's leaving wasn't his fault.
It's not like he made her leave.
I brought my fingers together to bring together my tender skin.
Not a dream.
"Zoe? Did you see that?" I couldn't say exactly what, because of the Stasi watch towers.
As I turned, I had a glimpse of Zoe's face, which looked like she was the innocent person who got stunned by a Stasi soldier.
"You saw it too?" I questioned. Zoe nodded her head endlessly.
A million inquiries danced through my head. What was that? Who was shot? Why were they shot?
My heart was a circus and it was the dancing elephant act.
Why was Zoe so hurt? Did she have a better view?
"Zoe, c'mon. We need to get home," I whispered as I noticed that my fingers had turned into worms.
I wanted to be alone. By myself. I wanted to scream. Call for help. But I couldn't. It would cause too much of a ruckus and I would get myself killed.
That's when I realized something.
I would rather die than live in East Berlin.
"I...um...have to go to Andersen's. To get something. Bleu cheese. For macaroni." I told Zoe. I heard what I thought was a "yeah" but it might have been "no". Zoe wasn't the quiet type, but I could understand why she had gone mute.
I walked toward 5th, straight towards Andersen's, but I was going to go through the alley way to 10th, where I live.
I walked into the alley way entrance, where you can see the lantern from all the way on 10th, it's that straight forward.
Instead, I got a mouthful of garbage.
"What?" I said as I pulled a brown banana peel out of my mouth.
I swerved around to the almost deserted sidewalk.
"What? Frau Kirsberg?" As I looked around the alien street and saw a short and stout woman, watering her flowers.
Wilted, but there.
I took another look around.
Flowers were all over the place. Droopy and sad, but there.
How? Flowers were against the law unless they provided food or medicine.
This was the most intimidating thing I had ever seen.
Other than the Wall.
That, forever and always, will be the most intimidating thing I have ever seen.
As I looked at the flowers, my hands vibrated. My face was under a heat lamp. It was too much. All of it.
This is what East Berlin has done to me and all of its citizens.
Beautiful things are scary.
So I ran.
All the way to Andersen's.
I bought that bleu cheese.
I walked down those same gloomy, gray trails that I, for some strange reason, missed.
This is what East Berlin has done to me.
Now I have to change that.
He used to be fun. He used to make us laugh about everything. We used to sing this silly song before Lennox was born when we ate ice cream...
I just got a brain freeze, it really froze me. I lost my poor cherry, when somebody sneezed... Ah choo!
His favorite part was the very end. For some reason, every time we sang the song, he actually sneezed.
We lost all of that magic when Mother left. It was like all of our lives were lost.
Put on hold.
When she left, there was no such thing as happiness.
We've gone 790 days, 18,960 hours, and 1,137,600 minutes without Mother. Sometimes I wonder if she misses us as much as we miss her. Our unsaid longing for her has turned into something normal.
I don't think it will ever be the same again.
"Elif! Get away from here now!"
"Mother! I can't! I'm not leaving you!"
"Elif! The tunnel is about to collapse!
Just then, I saw Oma.
Then an ear-piercing gunshot and she disappeared.
I forced myself not to get up.
I look over to find Mother. She's in searing pain. She's... crying. She loved Oma.
We all did.
I couldn't watch anymore.
I shot out of bed.
I had to see.
I saw it.
Lips as red as blood.
Hair as white as snow.
On the floor.
"Oma! You're okay!"
"Oh, yes Elif, I've never been better!" She said this with a bit of worry, but more chuckling than a chicken.
"How are you?"
"I've got to go, Oma."
"Okay! Love you!"
Then I woke up from that dream. The dream made no sense. Oma lived on the very edge of East Berlin, and because my father had lost the will to live, he never wants to take the trip.
I love my Oma, but she's a little... eccentric? Strange? All out bananas? Well, in this case, all of the above.
But she makes the most amazing macaroni and cheese ever (because it's not made in a Crock-Pot) and makes us mittens in the frigid winter.
But why was she, of all things on my mind, in my dream?
I have always sneaked peeks at people using vivid spray paints of wet green, yellow, pink, and blue to make life-sized graffiti. Some vibrant spirals and bulleyes that would have killed you if your eyelashes leaned in towards our side were constant.
How could our two Berlins be so close when our worlds are so alternate?
We both stood there, pretending to talk about summer plans while catching glimpses of West Berlin. Guards were eyeing us suspiciously, so we sat and played marbles.
My favorite royal purple marble, complete with white claw marks that my mother gave to me was in the center.
My alluring marble had flown and landed.
In West Berlin.
"What are you doing?" he roared as though he was a ferocious grizzly bear.
"Wwwe... were just.... playing mmmarbles... ssir," Zoe said, as meek as a mouse in front of a fox.
A woman in a silk lime green dress with hair as dark as coal picked up my pitch perfect marble. She turned, as if to see who had lost it, then looked me in the eye.
I know who she is.
"Excuse me, officer," The woman said in a voice made of syrup, "I found this marble rolling on the ground. Is it that little girl's?" We stood, frozen in her bravery.
"Yes. She is a careless child. She shall be punished exceedingly. You shall leave now." the officer said in a voice made of bee stingers.
But the woman stood there like a 100 year old tree who planted its roots 50 feet deep.
"Shouldn't the young girl have her marble back?" she asked in a false voice
The officer, clearly irked, responded, "That will not be