Anxiety in Children

resources for a parent november 2014

Here is a list of books that may be helpful as a start. Perhaps some are in your school library.

Anxiety in kids - for parents

When to be concerned about anxiety in children

Most children have fears or worries of some kind. If you’re concerned about your child, the following tips might help you decide whether you need to seek professional help.

  • Ask yourself the following question: Is my child’s anxiety stopping him from doing things he wants to do? Is it interfering with his friendships, schoolwork or family life? If the answer is ‘yes’, consider seeking professional help.
  • Compare your child’s behaviour with other children of the same age. For example, it’s common for most children to experience separation fears when going to preschool or school for the first time, but far less common over the age of eight years. If your child’s behaviour is very different from that of other children, consider professional help.
  • Consider how severe your child’s reaction is. If she’s extremely distressed and hard to settle when you leave her, for example, think seriously about professional help.

Severe anxiety can impact on children’s health and happiness. Some anxious children will grow out of their fears, but others will keep having trouble with anxiety unless they get professional help.

Finding professional help and treatment

You can seek professional information and advice from several sources:

  • your child’s school counsellor
  • your child’s GP or paediatrician (who might refer you to a child psychologist)
  • your local children’s health or community health centre
from Child Mind Institute

Parenting Tips for Anxious Kids

  • Expectations of your child
It's important that you have the same expectations of your anxious child that you would of another child (to go to birthday parties, make decisions, talk to adults). However, understand that the pace will need to be slower and there is a process involved in meeting this end goal. You can help your child break down big tasks into smaller steps that your child can accomplish (first go to the party with your child and agree to stay as long as your child is interacting with others, next time stay for the first half hour). You can help role-play or act out possible ways your child could handle a difficult situation. Saying it out loud makes kids more confident and more likely to try the strategy when your child is alone.
  • Build your child's personal strength
It's important to praise your child for facing challenges, trying something new or brave behavior. Some children like big loud exuberant praises, others like a quiet pat on the back. There is a lot you can do to help build your child's competence. Search to find avenues where your child can show he is good at something (music, art, sports). Also be sure your child has jobs around the house that show your child is contributing to the family.
  • Letting your child learn to do things on his/her own
While tempting, it is best not to take over or do it for your child. While this might help your child feel better right now, the message your child is getting is that you don't believe your child can do it. Then your child will start to think the same way about him or herself. Try not to get caught continually reassuring your child that everything will be okay. Teach your child to answer his/her own questions and provide the reassurance him/herself. You can model how you think through and respond to your child's questions.
  • Helping your child handle his own feelings
It is okay to let your child experience some anxiety. Your child needs to know that anxiety is not dangerous but something your child can cope with. You can let your child know all feelings are okay and it is all right to say what you feel. Anxious children sometimes have a hard time expressing strong emotions like anger or sadness because they are afraid people will be angry with them. It's okay to take time for yourself even if your child wants to be with you at all times. You are modeling for your child that everyone needs some time to themselves.
  • Passing on your fears
Try to keep your fears to yourself and as best you can present a positive or at least neutral description of a situation. Let them know that it is safe to explore. It is not helpful to laugh or minimize your child's fear. But humor does help one deal with the world, so show your child how to laugh at life's absurdities and mistakes.
  • Working together as parents
It is important to work with your spouse to have an agreed upon way of handling your child's anxiety that you both feel comfortable with. It is very important that one parent not be "too easy" because the other parent "pushes your child too much." This is very confusing for your child who does not know what to count on.
  • Consequences
Don't confuse anxiety with other types of inappropriate behavior. It is very important to set both expectations and have limits and consequences for inappropriate behavior. Parents who have reasonable expectations of their children and clear and consistent limits and consequences for behavior along with love and acceptance have the most competent, self confident and happy children.
from The Children's and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety.

classroom accommodations for early years

Although anxiety does not necessarily impact a child's academic abilities, it can affect their ability to learn. Parents and teachers can work together to help a child succeed in the classroom. There are a number of ways teachers can make the school day easier and less stressful for a child with anxiety:

  • Create a safe place for the child to go when anxiety symptoms are high or during stressful times. This may be the nurses office or a staff members office. Establish rules for the use of the safeîplace. These rules should include items such as, the student must inform the teacher they need a few minutes to calm down, and a set time limit.
  • Be aware of physical symptoms of anxiety and provide activities to distract the child. Calming activities, such as, reading or listening to music may help to alleviate some of the physical symptoms and allow a child to return to class work after a period of time.
  • Allow a few minutes at the beginning of the day for the child to transition into the school day. Additional transitional periods might be necessary for other times when routine is disrupted. This can be providing five to ten minutes for the child to prepare their papers and school supplies or simply a few minutes for the child to sit quietly before the school day begins. If the time before school is difficult for the child, it may be beneficial for them to either enter the classroom a few minutes before or a few minutes after the rest of the class arrives.
  • Talk to the student about what interventions they would find helpful. Having the student discuss strategies may help them to be involved in reducing their anxiety symptoms. This also provides the child an opportunity to talk about situations that cause anxiety symptoms as well as for them to be more aware of their symptoms.
  • Teach the child relaxation techniques they can do at school, such as deep breathing exercises. Talk with parents about the techniques used at home and try to incorporate them into the classroom.
  • For children avoiding school because of anxiety, offer suggestions such as coming to school for a shorter day. The longer the child avoids going to school, the more difficult it is for them to return. Allowing them to come to school for shorter periods will give them a chance to face their fears but may make it easier if they know they will be able to return home at lunchtime.
  • Use small group activities throughout the day. Children with anxiety may be better able to cope with small groups of a few students rather than large classroom study. Have the class break into small groups to complete class work to encourage participation.
  • Reward effort by a student with anxiety. When a child shows effort or is able to control their anxiety symptoms through interventions, let them know you have noticed and are proud of their efforts.
  • Create group activities that role-play appropriate behaviors. Teach young children what to do in specific situations. This can help all students learn how to handle situations such as anger management, stress reduction, test anxiety. Providing instruction to the entire class will decrease the focus on the child with anxiety.
  • Decrease situations that induce stress. Teachers can restructure assignments to decrease the amount of stress for a student. For example, instead of having a child stand in front of the class to read a report, find creative ways to complete reports. Allow students to make posters or record presentations at home on a tape recorder.
  • Discuss anxiety symptoms privately with the student. Never single out a child or call attention to their anxiety in front of the class. This can cause humiliation or embarrassment and increase anxiety symptoms.
  • Discuss alternative ways of handling situations. Talk to the student after an anxiety attack about how the situation could have been different or what strategies could have been used (by both the student and the teacher) to make the situation better.
  • Find books that address children with anxiety. Incorporate these books into reading curriculum. This not only helps the child with anxiety to feel better about their anxiety but also can help the other students in the class be more understanding of the condition.
  • Teach positive self-talk to the entire class. Helping children to be aware of the negative way they talk to themselves, such as the use of ìI canítî and help them to develop a more positive way of talking to themselves.
  • Post the daily routine in the classroom and let students know in advance any changes in the schedule. Letting students know exactly what is expected will help lessen anxiety. For a student with anxiety, a sudden change can cause a panic attack. Knowing in advance what the day will be like will help in transitions.
  • Help students break assignments down into smaller segments. This can help to decrease feeling overwhelmed by large assignments and help a student work on each section.
  • Play soothing music during down time. Many times playing soft music can help children to calm down and can relieve stress. During quiet activities or seatwork, use soothing music.
  • Incorporate exercise into the school day. Stop lessons for a few minutes or do stretching exercises in between lessons. This can help reduce stress.
  • Use computerized reading programs. Allowing children time to work on their own rather than in a large group can reduce stress and anxiety.
  • Discuss what sections of a book will be read aloud with a student before calling on them to read. If reading aloud in the class causes stress and anxiety, plan ahead of time and let a student practice a small selection the night before.
  • Use a cool down pass. Create two small cards - one for the student and one for the teacher - that are passes to leave the classroom for a drink, to calm down or to talk to a safe person. If the teacher notices the child becoming anxious and agitated, she can place it on the students desk, signalling it is okay to get up and leave the classroom for a little while. The student can also place a card on the teachers desk and then leave
  • Designate a safe person the student can talk to when anxious. This could be the school nurse, a resource teacher, the librarian. It should be someone who is understanding and provides a calming presence.
  • Appoint a lunch/recess buddy. This is especially important for social anxiety, when children feel isolated and rejected. Use buddies during lunch, recess and other unstructured activities to alleviate feelings of anxiety during these times. This can be an older student mentor or a classmate.
  • Signal, such as clapping hands, before giving directions or instructions to the class
  • During field trips, assure that the student is placed in a group that will be supportive, such as the teacher's group or with parents who understand anxiety disorders

Fun Friends for Parents

friends for life parent program

http://www.friendsparentprogram.comThe online was developed for parents by parents in partnership with the FORCE Society For Kids' Mental Health and the BC Ministry of Children and Family Development. Our goal is to educate parents about the FRIENDS program that is being delivered in BC classrooms and equipping them with parent-friendly tools and information to practice FRIENDS together at home. ages 4 -7 and 9 - 13

Friends Parent Program - downloadable resources!

Here is a complete list of all the downloadable documents on the website - you can print these off and use them at home with your child.

heart-mind online

Heart-Mind Online is an interactive and intuitive online learning resource for anyone who cares for and about children. The collection of resources builds capacity in individuals and communities to support the Heart-Mind well-being of children, and promote the development of competencies related to their social and emotional development. Children today face a very challenging environment in a highly competitive world. An increase in poverty, stress and bullying have resulted in mental health problems, lower happiness and decreased empathy in children. The target audiences for Heart-Mind Online want children to feel safe, to be happy, and to flourish.This website was developed by the Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education."


If you want to read further, activities forother students.

These are the 5 domains as defined by this site. Activities for home and school are provided.

Secure and calm describes the ability to take part in daily activities and approach new situations without being overwhelmed with worries, sadness or anxiety. To be secure and calm also means being able to cope with stress and pressure, and to bounce back from difficulties. It is an inner capacity for well-being.
Getting along with others is the ability to form positive and healthy relationships with peers and adults. Children with better abilities to regulate their emotions and behaviours have more friends and experience more positive playtime with their peers.
Being alert and engaged is the ability to manage and direct one's own feelings, thoughts and emotions. In general, the ability to be 'present' and to exercise self-control.
Being compassionate and kind is closely related to empathy. While empathy refers more generally to the ability to take the perspective of and to feel the emotions of another person, compassion goes one step further. Compassion includes the desire to take actions that will alleviate another person’s distress.
Managing conflict effectively is about creating an atmosphere where violence and aggression are not likely. To resolve conflict means using empathy, problem-solving skills, understanding other points of view and coming up with ways to make things right in a fair way. Peace is more than the absence of conflict and violence. It is recognizing and acting on the worth of self, others and our interconnectedness as humans.

Below are questions and answers and an audio from Dr. Lynn Miller, a specialist in the field of child anxiety from the University of British Columbia

Children lower anxiety, stress and fear/Stress Free Kids

linda campbell

school counsellor

anxiety in young children