HMS Parent Newsletter: May, 2017
Things to talk to your kids about...
Hi Parents,
I'm coming to you today with some information regarding important conversations for you to have with your children regarding two tough topics: teen suicide and sexting. I know this is the last thing you want to think about right now and that you were hoping for a newsletter about exciting end-of-the-year events. Don't worry, that newsletter will come soon. But right now, I am writing to you as a mom, as these two topics are serious and urgent. We have to be talking to our kids at home. Frequently. Urgently. Realistically. Lovingly. Sternly. And we have to listen. We have to hear what is on their minds and in their hearts so that we can give them the tools they need. We are putting together a parent presentation regarding sexting, and we will be in touch soon with the date for that. In the meantime, please read the information below and talk to your child.
Sincerely,
Misty Scheuneman
Assistant Principal
(and mom of a middle schooler)
Topic 1: Suicide Prevention
Talking points:
- Kids need to know that if someone talks about or posts about wanting to commit suicide, they MUST reach out to an adult for help. Sometimes kids think they can talk their friend out of it, or they are scared to tell because they don't want their friend to be in trouble. We must give our kids the right response, which is to tell an adult. Here are some ways they can reach out for help:
- Tell a parent. If one is not IMMEDIATELY available, here are some more resources:
- 911 if anyone is in imminent danger (of course, in talking to my own child I would tell him to err on the side of calling 911.)
- Brickie Help Line: 942-TIPS (all hours)
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline (see corresponding photo)
Important to know:
Netflix has recently released a 13-hour series entitled 13 Reasons Why. This series graphically addresses themes of suicide, bullying, sexual assault, and drug use. Because of the strong content, it has spiked controversy in the media and among parents. Additionally, it has raised concern by some mental health experts that it may be romanticizing suicide and not focusing on the importance of seeking help from an adult. Our kids are talking about this series as well as the book it is based on. As parents, we need to be informed and well-versed so that WE can direct the conversation. This means that we need to know what our kids are watching and WE NEED TO WATCH IT BEFORE THEM OR WITH THEM. The seriousness of this drama is putting our children at risk. Please talk with your child regularly and monitor their social habits. Loving parents/guardians make all the difference. Please call us if you need assistance.
I can remember when I was in middle school and my mom wouldn't let me watch Pretty Woman. The content that our kids have access to now is much worse in my opinion, and so easy to get to. If I wanted to watch Pretty Woman, I could not just rent it from a video store at 12 years old. Our kids, however, can get just about anything on their devices... or their friends' devices. If you are certain your kids aren't watching things like this at home, don't think they're not watching it at sleepovers, etc.
Recently, a group of SCOH administrators, counselors, and teachers attended a community forum entitled "American Teens in Crisis." Here are a some important takeaways:
- Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in ages 10-24
Factors that help protect our kids from suicide:
- Contact with a caring adult
- Sense of connection or participation in school
- Positive self esteem and coping skills
- Access to care for mental health
Topic #2: Sexting
- receive an inappropriate image on his/her phone (and by inappropriate, I mean NUDE)
- be asked to send a "nude" by a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.
- be pressured to send a "nude"
- actually send a "nude"
Here are the implications of those things:
- Sending a "nude" typically results in a feeling of regret and helplessness and can even trigger suicidal thoughts depending on the circumstances (if the photo is spread around, etc.)
- Receiving a "nude" puts our kids in a tricky spot, as they need to now make a choice about what to do with the photo. Their likelihood of making the right choice is slim. This is where we come in. The right choice is to delete it immediately. The WORST THING THEY CAN DO IS SEND IT TO SOMEONE ELSE. This is distribution of child pornography. Please stress this. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.
Talking Points:
- Tell your child not to ask anyone to send them a "nude."
- Tell your child not to send "nudes."
- Check your child's phone regularly. (We will address this more during the parent presentation that we will schedule soon.)
- Tell your child if he/she receives a "nude" to delete it immediately.
- Tell your child that if he/she makes a bad choice, he/she can and should still come to an adult (home, school) for help. That sense of helplessness can set in, but it doesn't need to. We can help, especially when kids come to us early on.
A great resource:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
An article and video about sexting from Common Sense Media:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/talking-about-sexting
Notes from a recent workshop attended by SCOH administrators called "American Teens in Cristis":
- 15% of teens will send a nude or semi-nude pictures to someone they’ve never met.
- 22% of girls have reported sending a nude image, 18% of boys
- 11% of girls 13-16 years old have sent or received a sext.
- 55% of the people that receive a sext will share with others.
- Even kids sending sexts to other kids can be prosecuted for child pornography.
Snapchat:
- 60% of users fall between the ages of 13-24
- Using Snapchat for sexting is a widespread phenomena among teens looking for acceptance.
- The FBI warns parents that pedophiles are using Snapchat to solicit images from young teens. These photos are being sold in underground websites.
Some good news and encouragement for you:
YOUR KIDS WANT YOU TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM.
One of our teachers recently gave 102 students this question on a survey:
Given the following 2 options which would you choose?
-Spend the afternoon doing something fun with your parents/family
OR
-Go to the mall to go shopping with friends
65% of the kids chose to spend the afternoon with their parents/family.
I was honestly surprised by this. Even though I believe this is what they really want, I was surprised that they self-reported this. 65% is over half! We'll take it!
Parents, nothing beats quality time with your kids. I promise you this. It doesn't have to be a lot of time and it doesn't have to cost money. It just has to be time.