Better Together Communicator
The Rockwall ISD Community "Better Together" Newsletter
Building Resiliency Through Risk and Failure
This week's reference point for your communication with kids, teachers, and friends.
A man once said to the famous violinist, Itzhak Perlman, “You know Mr. Perlman, I would give my whole life to be able to play the violin like you.”
Perlman, we are told, smiled at the man and said, “I did.”
Michael Jordan reflected upon his career and success and said, “I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot ... and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed."
A musician and a basketball player, both artists in their own right, but each of them extremely well known for their gift. By their own testament, though, neither flourished merely because they were born with a talent. They grappled with the adversity of trying something new, sticking with it, developing and honing their gift, trusting their gift, and ultimately sharing their gift to the enjoyment of others.
So here is the million-dollar question. . . When was the last time you tried to do something for the very first time?
When we think about it, as adults, many of our hardest tests are behind us. How many of us would want to go give another try at adolescence? Been there, done that, right? Our kids, though, are asked to do something for the very first time every day, all throughout the day. Be it a math problem, a test on new material, dealing with a breakup, making a new friend, making a healthy choice, losing a loved one. . . our kids find themselves coping with new experiences all the time.
How comfortable are you allowing your child to try new things on his or her own? How comfortable are you allowing your child to fail?
Thomas Edison reportedly made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts inventing the light bulb. When he was asked how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied, "I didn’t fail, I found 1,000 ways that won’t work."
So in the course of all the new challenges our kids face on a daily basis, how often do they find themselves facing failure? The kid playing video games, how many times will that kid “fail” during the mission of the game? How about the kid who goes skateboarding, skiing, or playing a sport? Even Michael Jordan said he missed more than 9,000 shots. How many times a day will a kid fall down, get an answer wrong, or make the wrong decision . . . quite likely in front of others, if not even in front of best friends? But how many times will that kid get back up and try it again?
The reality is, learning cannot occur without opportunities to make mistakes, to reflect upon what needs to be done differently, and then to try something new. Taking a risk—grappling with difficulty—provides so much information about what a person doesn’t know, what they haven’t yet mastered, or where a person needs to focus to hone his or her gift. Taking a risk, testing a hypothesis, working through difficulty, and experiencing the adversity of a failed attempt are all part of the learning cycle. So when a child doesn’t feel supported taking a healthy risk, or when a child is afraid to fail—for whatever reason—it can actually negatively impact their learning.
So how do we foster healthy risk-taking in our classrooms and in our homes? How do we provide opportunities for our kids to develop confidence exploring new ideas, testing new hypotheses, meeting new people, or experiencing new worlds? It starts with us, the adults in their lives who encourage a growth mindset by helping our kids to see that they can improve at almost anything through effort. It starts with us championing the mindset in our kids that failure is not final; it is feedback. It starts with us assuring our kids that we will always love them, no matter what, and helping them re-frame whatever led to their initial failure. It starts with us helping our kids to accept constructive criticism by being open to critical feedback that is based upon trust and respect.
So, do you remember the million-dollar question? When was the last time you tried to do something for the very first time?
With respect to the growth of our youth, maybe the more important question is, how can we try to "do something new" when our kids are taking healthy risks and grappling with failure? Consider these ideas for helping to develop resilient young adults:
- Celebrate perseverance: Inspire, empower, and equip kids when they feel defeated. Encourage kids through any difficulty. Praise effort along the way. Be genuine and growth-minded.
- Share your mistakes: You don’t have all the answers. Don’t pretend you that you always did.
- Allow for choices: Life is all about choices, isn’t it? Help your kids develop discernment by allowing them to make choices—and then allow them to experience the consequences, positive or negative.
- Allow for second chances (and third, and fourth. . .): Don’t be a pushover, but don’t ever give up on a kid.
And always remember the paradox of adolescence: Your kids may make it abundantly clear that they don’t want to hear any of this from you, but in reality, they’d be crushed if they didn’t hear any of this from you.
The Family Circle
Ideas for utilizing the Better Together mindset with your kids at dinner, in the car, during family time, etc. to help nurture the concepts shared in our schools.
As you discuss these questions as a family, challenge yourselves to come up with some of your own questions centered around these same themes:
Man Time, Man Talk
Resources from dads for dads, uncles, grandfathers, and male mentors.
Whether a child is in elementary, middle, or high school, our children need steady, engaged listeners and guides. This section is provided to help the men in our community have meaningful conversations with our kids, and we are championing all male role models in our community to consider ways they can set aside regular time to engage with the kids in their lives--young or old—even if just once a week. The following questions come from a book titled, Questions for My Father, by Vincent Staniforth, and are intended for men of any age to reflect upon in an open dialogue. After all, we are Better Together!
Partnering With Our Schools
Information about how RISD staff members are utilizing the Better Together mindset in our schools.
RISD’s Student Services staff members have been busy presenting Better Together information to campuses and departments throughout the district. Since the last newsletter, we returned to Pullen Elementary to present our second Booster Lesson to sixth-grade students and to discuss their school-wide leadership. We also presented an introduction to the Better Together Mindset to RISD's site-based committee, DEIC. On the secondary level, we will be going out to both RHS and HHS to meet with student leaders to discuss how the Better Together Mindset can set core standards for fans at all RISD events.
Last Friday night was the I-30 Classic, rivalry week for Rockwall HS vs. Heath HS in both football and volleyball. RHS took the victory in football this year while HHS won on the court in volleyball, and students and staff throughout the district cheered on their favorite teams while still celebrating the Better Together Mindset.
Better Together Mentors, Champions, and Kids Giving Thanks
Utley Middle School First Five Time
October is National Bullying Prevention and Awareness Month, and Utley Middle School students utilized their "First Five" time to focus on making someone's day by sending letters of thanks to adults who made a difference in their lives. Utley spends the first five minutes of each day giving their students time to reflect--a great Mindfulness technique--and their writing prompts during "First Five" utilize positive reflective questions. We're proud of Utley for incorporating the Better Together Mindset into their academic day!
Connecting With The Community
Information about upcoming and past Better Together events that parents and our community might want to enjoy with our kids.
Please note that this is not an exhaustive list; it is intended to serve merely as a reminder of some RISD events happening in our district over the next two weeks that families and community members can enjoy together.
10/18 – Reinhardt Elementary 4th Grade Music Program, 6:00 PM, Dobbs Cafe
10/18, 19, 20 – “Harvey” (school play), 7:00 PM, RHS Main Stage Theatre
10/18 & 19 – “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe” (school play), 7:00 PM, Utley MS Cafe
10/18 – Nebbie Williams Elementary 2nd Grade Music Program, 7:00 PM, Nebbie Cafe
10/19 – Football – (Breast Cancer Awareness Night) Heath HS vs. Longview, 7:30 PM, Wilkerson-Sanders Stadium. Free admission for breast cancer survivors. Please contact April Guest: 972-771-0605.
10/19 – Volleyball – RHHS vs Longview, 6:30 PM, RHHS Gym
10/20 – Elementary Robotics Tournament, 8:00 AM-4:00 PM, Dr. Gene Burton College & Career Academy
10/23 – Volleyball – RHHS vs Tyler Lee, 6:30 PM, RHHS Gym
10/26 – Volleyball – RHHS vs Highland Park, 6:30 PM, RHHS Gym
10/23 – Rockwall HS Orchestra Fall Concert, 7:00 PM, RHS PAC
10/23 – Amy Parks Heath Elementary 5th Grade Music Program, “Dig It”, 7:00 PM, APHE Cafe
10/24 – Utley MS Orchestra Fall Concert, 7:00 PM, RHS PAC
10/25 – Lyon Elementary 1st Grade Program, “Cows in the Kitchen”, 6:30 PM, LLES Cafe
10/25 – Cullins Elementary 4th Grade Music Program, 6:30 PM, Cullins Gym
10/25 – Jones Elementary 3rd Grade Music Program, 7:00 PM, Jones Cafe
10/25, 26 – “A Canterbury Tale from the Wife of Bath” (school play), 7:00 PM, Cain MS Cafe
10/26 – Football – RHS vs Tyler Lee (Senior Night), 7:30 PM, Wilkerson-Sanders Stadium
10/27 – Hays Elementary 5k and Fun Run, 8:30 AM, Celia Hays Elementary
10/28 – Dr. Gene Burton College & Career Academy Dedication Ceremony, 1:30 PM
10/29 – Williams MS Band Spooktacular Concert, 7:00 PM, RHS PAC
10/30 – Dyslexia Parent Education Night, 6:00-7:30 PM, Dr. Gene Burton College & Career Academy
10/30 – Dobbs Elementary 5th Grade and Choir Program, 7:00 PM, Dobbs Cafe
11/2 – RHS Theatre Spotlight Students Written Show, 7:00 PM, RHS Main Stage Theatre
11/9 – Football – RHHS vs North Mesquite (Senior Night), 7:30 PM, Wilkerson-Sanders Stadium