SMS: Conspiracy Day
We bring you the most popular conspiracy theories of SMS.
We all know and love our home-away-from-home, dear Shawnee Mission South. With its innocent green and gold bedecking the halls and Rocky the Raider's paper-mache visage greeting students as they head toward the front doors, South seems like any other high school (if not superior to its fellows). But what do we really know about the secrets that lie in the walls, beneath the floors, and even behind our favorite teachers' eyes? Today I present to you a few of the most popular conspiracy theories from Shawnee Mission South.
Nothing Greater than a Gator
Rocky the Raider has graced every pep assembly and sports game and appeared on many school flags and spirit wear. However, the beloved mascot's regular mysterious disappearances have led to several rumors, one of the most prevalent being the speculation of what really lies under the suit. After extensive research, the team here at the SMS newsletter has decided that (mostly because it fit the title) the most likely explanation is that Rocky's true self is a large alligator that makes its home in the SMESL for most of its days. We also suspect Rocky's true form contributes to the suspicious lack of his famed steed. (In simpler terms, we think Rocky's horse became Rocky's dinner.)
Pep, Please
Admit it, we've all had the thought at one point or another: What's the deal with pep assemblies? How come the entire school, once squeezed into one room and led in a couple of chants, ends up on their feet, stomping and repeatedly spelling R-A-I-D-E-R-S? Don't get me wrong, I love South as much as the next guy. But I know for sure that I never feel as much school spirit as I do in a crowded room filled with megaphones and pom-poms. Several sources can confirm the same experience. After much investigation and deliberation, the council reached a conclusion: It has to be medically induced. A colorless, odorless gas quietly spreads through the room (via the cheerleaders' pom-poms, of course) and, when combined with school song, colors, and the phrase, "Make some noise!", can cause a mind-melting whirlwind of pep that students become temporarily lost in. Side effects include the sudden desire to attend football games and join a team sport.
Forks for Lunch
It's safe to say every student has passed the floor-to-ceiling grate in the art hallway and thought nothing of it. And why should we? It's just a vent for....what is it a vent for? Does anyone know? A classic South tale speaks of a fearsome beast that has made its home behind the dusty slats. It feeds on lost pencils and plastic silverware from the cafeteria.. The custodial team's secret and sacred duty is to constantly fight the monster and save our school from a fork-free existence. But every once in a while, there will be a slip-up and the monster (who, let's face it, has nothing but time on its hands) will attempt to carry out an extremely elaborate escape plan. This is the true cause of all tornado, fire, and lock-down drills. During these times, travel in groups.
et tu, Dixon?
The privileged few who chose to study the ancient (and undeniably alive) language of Latin are familiar with South's tried and true Latin teacher Mr. Dixon. Many have passed through his classroom and emerged with a bountiful knowledge of Roman culture and the roots of the English language lodged firmly in their heads. But how much does Mr. Dixon truly let on? Rumors have swirled through the halls for months of a surprise takeover of South on the very last day of the 2015-16 school year. Instead of the usual sense of freedom and summer plans flowing through the air, three lbs. of bees (raised in Dixon's very own backyard) will make their debut and ultimately their home in our beloved school's hallways. The Latin teacher and his dutiful students will oversee a complete transformation of South into the world's first bee-exclusive spa and vacation resort. Of course, there's been no confirmation of the plans (that we know of), but suggested preparation include insect repellent, long sleeves, and befriending a Latin student.
Contact Us!
Email: smsconspiracy@mail.com
Website: http://smsouthnews.com
Location: 5800 W 107th St, Overland Park, KS, United States
Phone: 913-993-7500