JCHS STUDENT SUPPORT & RESOURCES
HELLO...
IT SEEMS THAT THESE DAYS PRESENT EVEN MORE CHALLENGES IN FINDING BALANCE BETWEEN FAMILY, FRIENDS, SPORTS/ACTIVITIES, JOBS AND ACADEMICS. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S NOW POSSIBLE - THANKS TO GOOGLE CLASSROOM & SOCIAL MEDIA -- TO KEEP ALL OF THESE THINGS GOING 24/7.
THE INSPIRATION BEHIND THIS NEWSLETTER IS TO SHARE SOME RESOURCES WITH YOU AND REFLECT BACK TO THE JCHS COMMUNITY THE EXAMPLES OF STRENGTH & RESILIENCY THAT SO MANY OF YOU DISPLAY - EVEN WHEN IT GETS TOUGH. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT GETS TOUGH.
ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE MY JOB AS A COUNSELOR IS THAT I LEARN SOMETHING NEW FROM THE PEOPLE I TALK TO EVERY SINGLE DAY. IT'S A PRIVILEGE TO GET TO SIT WITH STUDENTS, ASK QUESTIONS AND LISTEN. MY JOB GROWS ME, AS A LEARNER AND AS A PERSON.
INTERESTED IN WRITING AN ARTICLE ABOUT A TOPIC THAT OTHERS IN OUR COMMUNITY MIGHT BENEFIT FROM? HAVE SOME IDEAS OF RESOURCES THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE? PLEASE EMAIL ME AT MCUNNINGHAM@CWCBOE.ORG. I'D LOVE TO INCLUDE STUDENT SUBMISSIONS!
THANKS FOR READING THIS FAR DOWN. SCROLL THROUGH AND ENJOY.
Ms. Mary Cunningham, EdM, LPC
Student Assistance Counselor
973-228-6981, ext. 4029
Holiday Stress
LINKS & RESOURCES
NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST
Holiday Stress? Might Not Just Be Your Imagination...
The truth is - for many people, the holidays can be VERY challenging.
This Thanksgiving was especially so for me and my family. It was our first holiday without my mom, who passed away about a month ago. She was always a huge part of this celebration - and we worked hard to acknowledge the loss while continuing to celebrate her life and the holiday.
Where is the "how-to" manual for this?
Over the years, as a counselor, I've listened to and witnessed many strong, creative people (some of them children and teens) who have coped with major loss while continuing to celebrate and embrace life. I'll never forget hearing of a seventeen year old high school basketball star who died by suicide two weeks before Thanksgiving - a devastating loss for an entire community. His mother organized a balloon-release in honor of her son on the morning of Thanksgiving - giving all of the friends an opportunity to gather & grieve. Then, she cooked a full dinner for her family - urging everyone to "feel the love" and celebrate the holiday.
Sometimes, when we are grieving, we need to give ourselves and each other permission to laugh, play and celebrate.
It so helps to realize that most people on planet earth are not living in a Hallmark commercial. The loss of a loved one is not the only challenge people face around the holidays. Many people experience a huge disconnect between the images that are constantly fed to us through the media (social and consumer) about the "perfect" holiday, and the reality of their lives. Scroll through Instagram or Facebook - and see picture after picture of "smiling happy people holding hands" (for REM soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYOKMUTTDdA)
The fact is, this is just not everyone's truth.
Even gathering with extended family for enforced celebration can be emotionally draining for some. Teens, who often experience being "frozen" in time - may be viewed in the eyes of some adults as about 2-3 years younger and less mature than they are. (I'm well over 40, so when people assume I'm five years younger, that's a compliment! But if you're sixteen and the relative you see twice a year talks to you like you're still 13, that can get very weary.)
Teens are often working to discover and become their true selves; it can be hard for extended family and friends to keep up and shift gears with the changes. To be fair, the holidays are often difficult for one-on-one catch up.
Feeling a bit out of sync at a family gathering may be one of the milder consequences. Much worse is when teens feel (or are) compelled to keep major aspects of themselves (like sexual orientation, intended college major or deeply-held political views) under wraps because it feels safer to white-knuckle it and try to blend in with the family.
Sometimes, social media can actually help - if used for the right reasons. Many teens keep connected with friends and family with whom they can be authentic - to keep supported during the holidays.
We may hold an unspoken expectation that our family members should be the people we have the most in common with and feel most accepted by. This may or may not be true; but either way - it doesn't mean that we don't love them or vice versa.
What about starting a conversation that helps acknowledge the typical "scenes" that happen in most families at the holidays - but don't make it into the Hallmark commercial on TV?
BTW, did you hear about Thanksgiving Bingo? This could be a great stress-buster or conversation-starter at your next family gathering. Check it out: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jenlewis/thanksgiving-bingo-for-your-functionally-dysfunctional-famil?utm_term=.gtZqZZQDe#.nhrWKK5Pg
Maybe you can play a round with the cousins. The older folks may even want to join in and have a few laughs at their own - and possibly your -- expense.
Or... maybe not. Depends upon your family's particular dynamics. And sense of humor.
Now for full disclosure: How did I learn about Thanksgiving Bingo? A teen relative celebrating at my own home began to suddenly (& apropos of nothing) fist-pump the air; he had just won Thanksgiving Bingo before anyone in his friend-group. They were playing together on Instagram. So I "outed" him & made him read aloud his 5 across to the whole family in exchange for his turkey dinner. We were in hysterics. He totally deserved the win!
Lastly - I'd like to share some links to a few on-line articles/resources that talk about how to de-stress and maintain healthy expectations during the holiday seasons. Remember - how we think has a huge impact on how we feel. Sometimes, our thinking is the only thing we can fully control and manage ourselves.
#1. Lisa Athan of Griefspeaks - one of the best websites for people coping with loss of any kind. Tons of links, advice, resources and information. Not specific to the holidays - but great for everyone - whether you've suffered a loss or know someone else who has.
#2. This article on Huffington Post is pretty simple - a visual montage of photos touching on the specific issues that often cause stress for teens during the holiday. Take a moment to scroll through and get some validation ....
#3. Are you dealing with a break-up? With a friend or a sig other? This article by therapist Sherri Meyers talks about how the holidays can be especially challenging...
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheri-meyers/breakup_b_1726268.html
#4. Here is a good article from Psychology Today that focuses on how inflated, unreal expectations can be at the source of stress and depression this time of year. It offers advice on how to recognize and "re-set" these.
#5. LGBTQ teens & young adults may have specific stressors at holiday gatherings. This article gives some strong validation and practical advice for navigating: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201411/lgbt-and-heading-home-the-holidays
RESOURCE HIGHLIGHT: Comfort-Zone Camp
RESOURCE HIGHLIGHT
Comfort-Zone Camp
https://www.comfortzonecamp.org/campers
There are many JCHS students who have, over the course of their lives, suffered the loss of a sibling, parent or immediate family member.
Still - - these students are in a minority in regard to their age group. Most high school students have not yet experienced the death of an immediate family member. So if this happens during your formative years (under age 25), it can be difficult to connect with other peers who have shared this experience.
Comfort-Zone Camp was started by Lynne Hughes, the author of You Are Not Alone, a bereavement book for teens. Lynne lost both of her parents before she reached adulthood; losing a parent or sibling at an early age is undeniably one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through.
Comfort-Zone Camp is about all the things that a regular camp experience foster: fun, community and authenticity. The only difference is that all the kids (age 5-25) have suffered a loss of an immediate family member. The camps occur over a long weekend in several locations throughout the year - all free of charge. Here is description from the site:
About Comfort Zone Camp
Comfort Zone Camp is a nonprofit 501(c)3 bereavement organization that transforms the lives of children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, or primary caregiver. Our programs are free of charge and include confidence building activities and age-based support groups that break the emotional isolation grief often brings. Comfort Zone's programs are offered to children ages 5-25, and their families for the family programs. Held year-round across the country, our primary locations are California, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Virginia (HQ). We also partner with organizations to serve their local or specific communities through our Partnership and Community by Design Programs.
It does not matter how long ago the loss occurred. In fact, Comfort-Zone encourages campers to come at least a year after the loss.
In addition to attending, there are many opportunities to get involved as a buddy (for a child camper) or volunteer.
If you think that this is an organization that you might benefit from -- or give back to -- please check it out! See me if you'd like help getting connected - but the site is terrific. It even has videos, applications -- everything you need.
MS. CUNNINGHAM'S WEBSITE
Please visit my site for more information and resources!
Random Inspiration....
Is nicotine safe if it's inhaled/ingested through devices versus cigarettes? How safe?
What are the risks related to smoking/ingesting marijuana? What about synthetic versions of marijuana?
Nicotine and marijuana are illegal in every state for minors. But everyone needs to stay informed and aware of the risks - especially during adolescence.
DO YOUR RESEARCH & MAKE INFORMED CHOICES!
- Here is a (fairly) non-partisan site that gives straight facts regarding drugs, including marijuana, salvia, synthetic THC and nicotine: https://teens.drugabuse.gov/
- Think you're well-informed already? Take this on-line quiz and test your Drug IQ! You may be surprised by some of the answers!
https://teens.drugabuse.gov/quiz/national-drug-alcohol-facts-week/take-iq- challenge/2016
- Ten Reasons To Quit Smoking Weed: (a blog site, former daily smoker) https://www.howtoquitsmokingweedhelp.com/10-reasons-to-stop-smoking-weed/
- Ten Reasons (scientific!) Not To Vape:
About Me
Email: mcunningham@cwcboe.org
Website: https://www.cwcboe.org/Domain/133
Location: West Caldwell, NJ, United States
Phone: 973-228-6981