Meir Ezra Blog
Meir Ezra: Looking for Love?
When you fall in love, it seems like your love will last forever. So you get married. You want a permanent feeling of love. Yet sooner or later, it happens . . . no more spark.
Perhaps a marriage counselor tells you to take a weekend trip together. So you give it a try and you feel a little spark again. But once you get back to your routine, the honeymoon is over again.
Maybe you try a drug or some wine to make your marriage better. If it helps, it is only temporary and then it feels worse. Besides that, you don't want to depend on a chemical for a good marriage.
So couples give up. They either endure their apathetic, unhappy or stormy relationship, or they get divorced.
Most people have the wrong idea about marriage. They think you can just sit back and enjoy it, like a good movie. Unfortunately, a marriage does not exist just because you had a nice wedding ceremony. A family does not exist just because you have children. You need to create it.
"It's very easy to break down a family because there is no relationship in a family except a pretended relationship."
"Now, I'm not saying that marriage is a false relationship. It isn't. In this society and time, a family is the closest knit, self-perpetuating, self-protecting unit and is necessary economically and otherwise to the society the way it's rigged at this present time."
"The relationship, basically, is a postulated* relationship."
"And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist!"
-- L. Ron Hubbard (*Postulated: Something you create or decide is true.)
For example, to have a beautiful flower garden, you need to remove weeds, fertilize and water the plants, plant new flowers and more. If you do not constantly create or postulate the flower garden, it dies. A marriage is the same way.
If you and your spouse are postulating your family and marriage, the spark comes back. You find all the love you desire. Nothing can ruin it.
Example: "He seduced my wife and ruined my marriage" is another way of saying, "I ignored my marriage for two years, so she found someone who wanted to create a relationship with her."
Example: "He's a pig. He ignores me, drinks beer and watches television all night" really means, "I'm not making our marriage very joyful."
Example: "She won't be as affectionate as she was on our honeymoon" is the same thing as saying, "I've stopped being romantic like I was on our honeymoon."
If you build a desk, it sits there for years and years. You only need to create it once. If a marriage worked the same way, you could just create it and enjoy it for years and years. However, it does not work that way.
A happy marriage is a living, breathing, dynamic relationship. It helps you accomplish your goals and live a healthier, longer life. It requires constant creation by all parties to succeed.
The first, most effective way to create your marriage or other relationship is to decide to do so. Just postulate it into existence! If your desire to create a wonderful marriage is strong, you will think of dozens of ways you can create it. Examples:
1. Make an effort to make your spouse laugh several times each day.
2. Agree on goals you can work on together.
3. Praise each of his or her accomplishments.
4. Keep your body, breath and teeth clean.
5. Give small gifts and surprises.
6. If one of you is out of town, talk by telephone at least once each day.
7. Find new ways to help your spouse.
8. Keep yourself healthy with good diet and exercise.
9. Always be willing to listen.
10. Agree on the most pleasurable experiences you can enjoy together and do them.
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