Inside my simple head

Darkest Thoughts

Feeling trapped in my own head

with sinister thoughts that cut through my heart,

I wonder when it will end.

The adults tell me it will get better in time

as if I don’t know that it will

I keep hope but the black fog causes

me to see unclearly .

I try my best to put on a good show

so no one will suspect the evils within.

They have been around ever since

middle school and each day they would grow stronger.

The monsters seem to come out the most

when I’m alone,but now something has changed .

Inside it is no longer only black

there is a seal of white to match the black.

Inside there is balance,joy within the sorrow

there is no longer a war going on, only small battles.

With time everything healed,no more knife stabs

no more hurt ,no more tears,no more half broken heart.

They happy times are coming along

little by little smiles and laughter growing

the grass is getting green and growing long .

From now on there will be nothing but growth

even in rough times,the light will always shine.
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My funeral

It is a regular school day , the day has past by fast as always i'm on my way to my see my students. Its an exciting day because I have to teach them a lesson and my mentor will be watching without helping as he is required to. Once I am done teaching it its time for me to go , I see good bye to them and they yell out “bye Marbella see you tomorrow.” I get on the bus we pick up the rest of them students in the different schools we get on the high way to go get something to eat. I hear a loud crashing noise , we hit something . Everyone is hurt but they will recover well , but I am not so lucky since I sit in the very first seat I got hurt pretty bad. I am awake I can't move at all can only talk , the doctors told my mom I maybe have an hour or so , she can’t help but cry instead of being strong . I tell her the doctor to call my brothers and sister only and they are they only ones who can enter the room besides my mom. They all get there and try to help my mom to calm down but I tell them to let her have her moment .

Thirty minutes pass by with a deadly silence , I finally tell them that I love them and that they will need to be strong , to take care of my mom and there kids . They start to burst into tears as do I. I thank them for letting my final moments be with the people that made me the happiest at one point back when everything was simple. As I finish I start to feel so weak and the feeling grows until I don't feel at all. They all stop breathing with me they start up again with such pain , but I don’t I can see them so sad and I wish i could take all that pain that I caused away.

I feel so helpless I can't even give them a hug to help ease the pain .The next day is my funeral it’s only my family as I request it . They are all in white as well , because I wanted them to celebrate the life I had rather than focus on the end of it. My family stands together as one something that has not been done in many years . They are holding hands which makes me feel what I think is happiness . The rest of the people that have the same last name as mine come to pay their respects they all gather around to sing one of my favorite songs , my dog is there as well so sad lying on the floor as if his dead to . My brother picks him up to comfort .

It should be that should be comforting him but I have to face the fact that it wasn’t . Everything has turned into nothing , I can’t feel anything or say anything . Im glad though that it was me who had to leave the world instead of any one else . I got to say goodbye to both my family and my students who brighten up my day like no one else . As I see the light to final take me away I hear some parking , its my dog Buddy he is so happy to see me as am I . It feels amazing to see a familiar face , I pick him up and hug him . I look over to see something else heading my way it's a man with curly hair , looks rather old yet so filled with life . He looks so familiar as well but there is no way I know him , he gets closer to where I can clearly see his face . Its my father , we hug I cry and so does he , I am grateful that even though I lost my life i get to meet him.
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Deciding that I wanted to try out teaching when I was a freshman was the best idea I could have made.When I first got to experience last year I had no idea what I was doing. My teacher was welcoming and so were my students . The little ones were ready to react to anything that came out of my mouth .They loved my dark fiery hair which was amusing to hear them talk about .

Throughout that year I didn’t do as much as I could have, but I got to help my teacher with his life problems. He let me in his world which I was honored to be a part of , helping him with his new chapter in life and helping make decisions as to where his new house was going to be. He was an open book with me hoping he would get the same treatment from me back. I never really let him know anything about me , just the basic favorite color , food , and hobby .

This year I had to get a new teacher , I thought teaching in middle school would suit me a lot better . I couldn’t have been more right , I love all my students now even sometimes they remind me of evil little Majin Boo’s . They give me such trouble when there is substitute but even then my love for them grows . There imperfections as students is what makes my job amusing . The way their heads hang low when it’s reading time makes me recall of the times I

too hated reading .

Teaching these pair of students brings me joy because even if I mess up on my lesson they bare with me and try to understand what it is that i'm trying to do . They taught me the value of being able to share knowledge with others and teaching was the best decision I ever made.

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Who I want to be

Working with others to help them mold into who they are and be able to make an impact in their lives is something I aspire for. Working with children is what I love to do because they are full of energy and they want to learn .

In the past two years I have done an internship where I have been able to work with 1st graders , 4th graders , and 7th graders . In the first year I learned that with younger children it takes more patience to get them to learn and understand clearly on what they are working on . Although it was challenge to work at the speed they needed it was helpful for me to understand that not all students learn the same way .

With the 4th graders I did my very first lesson ever , it was a challenge to come up with the actual activities I was going to make them too as well as to figure out how I should have grabbed and kept their attention . I had a well experience for my first lesson , I was nervous but once I saw how easy it was to talk to the kids and to get responses from them it made everything feel natural .

My second year I am working with older students who can be a even bigger challenge to handle . With working with them I have learned that with the right attitude you can get any student to want to learn . I have been enjoying with this age group because they ready to learn and have great class participation . Even though many tell me this is a difficult age to work with I have made some of my best steps in becoming a teacher .

These two years have made me want to become a teacher more than ever because I have learned I enjoy the environment that children can create and have seen I can make a difference in their lives once I gain even more experience .

The past and Future

In all the events that I have been through it has made a big impact in the way at look at life and the goals I have for my future as well. I have been changing my goals as the years have gone by but in the last four they have stayed the same. To where I know where I want to go to school, and what career I want to pursue in the

I wasn't always told that I was sassy up until my late years in elementary I was a completely different person than I am now . When I was in preschool I would get bullied every day . I use to go home crying to my mom telling her how this girl would hurt my feelings at school . My mom would tell me to stand up for myself and to not let my bully bother me . I did, and I ended up in the principal”s office with the bully and both of our mothers . The principal tried to suspend me but both my mom and our teacher explained that the girl had been bullying for a long time and that was the first time I had ever even done anything about it. We were both warned and ever since that day she never bullied me again. In elementary school I ended up getting bullied again .This time I told my teacher and she fixed the problem for me. Once that happened I learned how to stand up for myself and how to be confident in my own skin. In learning how to manage this I have become a much more happier person .

I want to go to the University of Texas at Austin because it is such a beautiful campus.It is big, and ever sense I took a tour there I feel inlove with it . The school has a nice environment,and that is really important to me . It offers the degree that I want to study in social work .Their housing is always something I like about the school because most of the rooms have a nice view . The campus is big but not that big , it's the perfect size to work with . Its right in the city of Austin so its easy to find a job around the school .

In the future I want to become a social worker, because they help people in need .I want to start helping people as much as possible and being a social worker would be one way to make that dream come true. I would also like to become a teacher to help children learn . Working with children would be very fun and interesting experience , I would go teach in Irving in the elementary or middle school I was taught in . One of my last top three goals is to always be a therapist, I have always been told that I give good advice . So what a better way to put that gift to work with helping even more people than just my friends . This has always been a career option for me because I can help anyone with their problems and it always fulfills my needs to help someone .

With saying all this I am a person that wants to help others and make this world a better place .With the bullying that happened to me I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I did . I want everyone to be happy and ready to move on with the next phase in life like me .

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Switching Roles

Job shadowing an administrator was a fun , and informal experience. It was interesting to see exactly what an administrator does other than to be monitoring students in the hallways.

Some of the duties the administration takes care of involve having meetings with the whole faculty to discuss plans to keep the school progressing. They also have to stay in constant communication with the faculty incase something unexpected happens.There work also revolves around the teachers. Their work supports the teachers by giving goals to reach so they can grow as educators. Also by giving them resources they can use in their classrooms when giving lessons.

An administrator's job with the student body is to support them with everything they do. From picking what teachers will be in the school , to keeping the school safe , and being on top of discipline. The administrators are focused in discipline because it can become a big distraction and not let students stay focused in school. With the roles in their jobs they do everything they can to make the students be successful and help support them. They come to all the games and cheer on their students so show they have school spirit.

I would consider this a job in my future because it is an interesting career choice. From being a teacher to being an administrator would be a big transition I want to make. It will be a great achievement in the educational career I want to take. Also one of the top titles to have in that type of career. I would like to become an administrator to be able to have an impact in a student's experience in a school over all . In conclusion to seeing how much the administrators do was something I was not expecting. They have to be able to multi task several different small jobs at once.
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