Ryan Family Updates

Too low brow for political bias.


Just when you thought Miley Cyrus was the most embarrassing person in the news this week, we're here with another Ryan family update.

Top Stories:

  • The Hardiman's will celebrate their one year wedding anniversary on October 20th! This means the 1 year deadline to get them a gift is fast approaching. Don't fret though, the editors at Ryan Family Updates have heard that the best gift of all is love and support. Unless it's their own wedding in which case the best gift is cash.
  • In an effort to "one up" Mary and Bob, Tommy and Sandy celebrated their 15 year wedding anniversary this summer. When asked the secret to such a long and happy marriage, uncle Tom replied "Huh? What? I have an anniversary this year?"
  • Meghan closed out an undefeated basketball season and recently started Cheerleading!
  • Mike is on level one-hundred-and-something in Candy Crush Saga. Auntie Kathy still can't get past level 29.
  • Barb went on a fantastic trip around Europe where she learned to pronounce "bruscetta" the correct way. Unfortunately she still hasn't learn to cook it the correct way.
  • Amy's dad, Richard, is doing well.
  • Kim and Mike are heading to a wedding outside of Ruston, VA on the weekend of October 19th. Publishing this in the family newsletter is the polite way of telling Dan & Amy to prepare for company.
  • Awkwardly enough, the editors of Ryan Family Updates just received a text message from uncle Dan indicating that they are planning to put their house on the market in September.
  • Sam has a birthday coming up on September 15th. He, too, prefers cash.
  • Ryan and Chris also have birthdays coming up in September. The editors regret to inform you that our fact-checkers did not supply accurate reporting as to the specific date of birth for either of the boys.
  • Richard and Barb share a birthday on September 27th. Ed is close on their heels with a birthday on October 18th.

Wedding updates

We're at a total of three engaged couples in the family and no confirmed premarital pregnancies. Good work, everyone!

A few preliminary details about the upcoming nuptials:

  • Kevin and Heather are planning to tie the knot on May 31, 2014. They plan to send out Save-the-Dates by May 29, 2014.
  • Heather recently said "yes" to the dress! She's still only a "maybe" on Kevin.
  • Kim and Mike are aiming for September 2014. If Ed can afford it, they'll have the reception at a local VFW somewhere in Maine. Meghan is Kim's Junior Bridesmaid and is expected to throw one heck of a bachelorette party.
  • Tim and Olivia are also planning something...at sometime...soonish. They are also leasing a new house together! Expect their vows to include things like "I promise to love you even when you leave dishes in the sink" and "I'll be there for you whether you mow the lawn or not".

Labor Day Cookout

Saturday, Aug. 31st, 2pm

Wareham, MA

Wareham, MA

Do you like Day Labor? Then we have just the party for you! The cape house could use a little landscaping, so Uncle Tom would like to extend an invite for a Labor Day cookout to the entire family. Bring your own hedge trimmers and plan to stay busy. Alternatively, you can just come by, relax, and have a beer. You know, if you want to be that guy.

Appetizers from 2-3

Burgers, Dogs, and Steak Tips at 5:30

Big Storm is due to roll in around 6:15

Bring an Appetizer or a side dish! "Ketchup" is not a side dish.

See you all on Saturday!

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Meggie Hobbs has requested to take out a 1/2 page advertisement in the family newsletter in an effort to locate the clothing she lost at Kim's surprise party at the cottage in May. If anyone sees creepy neighbor Tom walking around wearing ladies clothing, please alert the local authorities.