The Depressed Psychologist

A story of sadness and regret

This is the tale of a psychologist.
His name is John and he has two kids.
His children are named Joel and Julie,
And he divorced his crazy wife named Ruby.
John is middle-aged and losing hair.
He hates his job, because it isn't fair.
Why did his paycheck just get cut in half?
It's probably the fact that his psychology skills are crap.
He always makes his patients cry and never gives them tissues.
It's sad cause’ all he wants is someone to listen to his issues.
He has two kids to care for,and a dog that smells pretty bad.
He really wished that he could have an easy life as a dad.
He has an average build, brown hair, brown eyes.
He used to be a decently attractive guy.
Until he hit his 40’s and gained lots of weight on his thighs.
His favorite clothes were polo shirts and khakis.
I’d say his fashion sense is pretty wack man.
John never wanted to be a psychologist.
He had always yearned to be a famous geologist.
But his father paid for his college, and he didn't have a choice.
His dad would never listen to his sons quiet voice.
John came from a small town somewhere in Canada.
Then he moved to Massachusetts to build his little familia.
He built up his family and got a divorce.
He ended up getting screwed out of half of his worth.
John's life is turning upside down he can’t ever get a break.
This morning his ex-wife had to call and she gave him a headache.
He stepped in dog poop on his long commute to work.
His coffee was spilt all over by a passing jerk.
“This day really can’t get any worse” he said.
“Why is my life so filled with dread”.
Isn't it hypocritical to have a depressed psychologist?
With more problems than his patients should he even be talking to them?
Why would he give advice to someone when he can't figure out his own?
So John walked into his office and sat down in his chair.
His first patient came at 10 o’clock and he didn’t really care.
He waited for his patient an 18 year old named Janet.
She came in already crying because her uncle got her pregnant.
The next patient after Janet came to the office at 12.
John thought “nice, after this I get to eat lunch”.
So the patient walked into John's office and took his seat.
His hair was combed, his shirt was pressed and very neat.
The man was named Christopher and he seemed very normal.
John asked him some questions about why he was troubled.
Christopher told him his story and why he needed a shrink.
John was thinking the whole time “oh man this guy is a freak”.
Chris was a pathological liar because he was so uninteresting,
He had to make himself look cool and impressive.
But John already knew that all his stories were lies.
He couldn’t understand why he was even seeing this guy.
So John got fed up with Christopher's fibs,
And told him to get the heck out of his office.
After Christopher left in a hurry, his visit was very brief.
John had felt a huge sense of relief.
Now he could eat his lunch and continue his day.
But another patient walked in right away.
“You weren’t scheduled until one thirty?” John said dryly.
“This shouldn’t take long” the man said shyly.
So the man told John his name and it was Craig.
Craig was depressed because his dog was dead.
“Oh man fido was so young he didn't deserve it,
It only took three cars to go by before he got hit”.
John’s patience was short and his temper was too.
He told Craig to suck it up and get a new poochy poo.
So Craig ran out of the office taking John's box of tissues.
And John's boss walked in, he had a big issue.
“John you suck at your job get your things together and leave”.
So John looked his boss in the eye, grabbed his chair and gave it a heave.
The chair flew out of the window and landed on the boss's car.
John lost his job so he thought “I might as well go to the bar”.
John went to the bar and got really drunk.
On his way home he tripped over the curb and into the road with a klunk.
A truck was barreling down the highway right at him.
John was ran over and died right then.

Don't be depressed,

And live your life with lots of stress.

And don't be a mean person because bad things always happen.


To be honest I chose my character because I wanted to pick a profession that is so abundant and unnecessary. Most of my friends are going to college for psychology because they don't know what else to do. So I think of psychology as a failure at a career. John is your average american that is going through life after *explicit* hits the fan. He failed at life and his father had forced him to become a psychologist when he would much rather be something else and he is now living a miserable life that he can't escape from. Finally when he gets fed up with the everyday grind of listening to people with problems he starts wanting to talk about his own problems and that makes him even more angry because who knows a psychologist that visits a psychologist of their own? That is one of the most ironic things about the profession of psychology. Its nothing like a dentist going to the dentist because a psychologist should know how to deal with problems and in order to perform their job to the fullest they should be level headed and on top of all their own issues. John eventually loses his job and embraces the comfort of alcohol which was his biggest mistake of the night. Psychologist's should be well aware of the dangers of emotions and alcohol and how they influence each other. So the ending result of Johns absolutely adventurous life of psychological study is and early death at the sad age of 42. He would have been happier if he pursued his dreams on his own. So the moral I intended for readers to get out of my story is, don't let yourself have regrets because if you don't do what you want to do your life will eventually lose all worth and depression will take you over. I've seen many people taken over by depression and depression medication and it turns them into lifeless zombies that come out of the situation with no capacity to feel at all. So don't be depressed or only bad things can happen to you. If you are depressed its not that difficult to wake up and at least attempt to be happy. The people that I have seen being depressed are beyond that point, they are so depressed that being around them is depressing and they give off such negative and disgusting vibes. So John wasn't completely completely consumed by depression but he was on his way there. Bad things always happened to John because he would emit negative vibes so bad luck clung to him like a magnet. If he had been happier and gave off positive vibes good things would have happened to him. But poor John didn't realize that until seconds before he became a pancake splattered on the pavement of the road.