Prevention for Families
Keep Your Teen Drug-Free :: April '24 Issue
Preventing Teen Alcohol Use: What You’re Drinking vs. What You’re Thinking
April is alcohol awareness month, and a great time to talk about alcohol with your child!
As kids are back in school and spending more time with their peers, they may encounter situations where alcohol is present. We know most teens choose not to use alcohol regularly, but when they are in a social situation, or experiencing peer pressure, they may be tempted to use.
Often teens use alcohol to fit in at social events because they get bombarded with the idea that alcohol makes you more social, easygoing, or less awkward. We’ve all seen this idea depicted in TV shows, movies, songs, or other media. What your teen may not have heard is that alcohol doesn’t actually affect your social behaviors, if we’re just talking about the chemical structure. The behaviors we see depicted in media (or in our own lives) are a result of our expectations of what will happen if we drink alcohol. In other words, it is a social construct that we are more social, likable, or less awkward when we drink alcohol. This information comes to us from a study done at the University of Washington– check out the short video in the resource section below.
Certainly, we are affected by alcohol– the clumsiness, slower reflexes, and tiredness are a result of alcohol in our brain – but if your child thinks alcohol will make them more likable at a party, they are misinformed. This is important because if your child’s goal is to feel more comfortable in social situations, they should know they have better options than alcohol use. Here are some tips to share with your teen for handling social situations:
1. Take a buddy to an event so you’re not alone.
2. Hold a cup/drink with something in it other than alcohol (even if others are drinking alcohol)
3. Do a mindfulness meditation before a date/party to calm your nerves.
4. Think about some things you can talk about before you go.
One thing a parents should also do is give their child ways to say no. When faced with a peer pressure situation, it is important for teens to be confident in their answers and their decisions, and the way to do that is to rehearse it beforehand. Parents can role play a situation with their teen, or at least give them these different ways to say no if they need them.
Respond with a reason why you don’t want to drink or use drugs. Teens can say no to drugs by giving an excuse, such as:
1. I can’t stay; I’ve got to help my dad with something.
2. That stuff makes me sick.
3. I’m supposed to meet so and so in a few minutes.
4.Teens can explain to their friends about the dangers of these substances:
5. That stuff is so bad for you.
6. Why would you use that junk?
7. Haven’t you heard about the kid in the news who died from doing that?
Teens can also just be honest with their friends:
8. I’m not into that.
9. My mom would kill me if she found out.
10. I don’t have time for drugs.
11. I’d be suspended from the team.
12. Forget it. There’s no way I’m going to do drugs.
13. I’ve got more to do with my life.
Once your teen has given their answer, they should be ready to leave.
Resources
Crucial Conversations Challenge
Asking the Suicide Question
After a tough year, many children and teens may be struggling with mental unwellness. You may be the person your child or your child’s friends turn to for help, so it’s important to be prepared if they do confide in you. One of the hardest things to do is ask if someone is thinking about suicide, but it can be the most important thing to ask. The best way to ask is by directly saying “are you thinking about killing yourself?” We may be tempted to opt for words that aren’t quite as blunt, like “hurting yourself,” but hurting yourself and killing yourself can be two very different things, so it is important to be extremely clear. Practice asking that question in the mirror or with another adult so that you know how it feels when the time comes to ask your child or another young person. The best things you can do are to reach out to someone you are worried about and believe someone who tells you they need help. Here is a step-by-step guide to asking the question.
1. Pick a place and time to maximize privacy.
You want to respect their privacy and minimize the chance you will be interrupted. If this feels like an emergency, however, don’t wait and skip to step nine.
2. Start by expressing your concern and desire to help.
Share your specific concerns. Try phrases like:
“I’m worried because I noticed you [insert things you’ve noticed]. How can I help you through this?”
“It seems like you have been up and down lately. I’ve been there myself. Talking about it really helps.”
3. Ask them directly if they have thought about suicide.
You may worry that using the word “suicide” could put the idea in their head, but research shows the opposite is true. Asking someone if they are feeling suicidal can bring them relief, because someone finally acknowledges how badly they are feeling.
You can simply ask:
“Are you thinking about suicide?
“Have you had thoughts about suicide?
4. Keep the door open if they won’t talk to you.
If they are not comfortable talking to you, ask them if there is someone else they would feel comfortable talking to. If you’re not worried for their immediate safety, you can let them know you will always be available to talk and ask if it’s OK for you to check in again.
Consult with a professional or someone you trust—a family member, teacher, professor, therapist, or counselor, for example—about next steps.
5. Stay calm if they say yes.
Just because someone is having—or has had—thoughts of suicide, it does not necessarily mean they are in immediate danger. You can take some time to listen calmly to what they have to say and ask some follow-up questions to figure out how you can help.
6. Listen and validate their struggle.
You may feel the urge to tell your loved one about all the things they have going for them to try to cheer them up, but that will feel dismissive and make them less likely to open up to you. Here are some alternatives.
What not to say:
“But you’ve got so much going for you!”
“What would I do without you?”
“Think of what this would do to X, Y, Z person.”
What to say instead:
“What you’re feeling sounds really painful and difficult. I don’t have all the answers, but I am here to listen.”
“I’m so glad you told me this. Let’s keep talking.”
“I understand you are really struggling, and I am here to listen.”
7. Tell them you want to connect them to help.
If your friend, family member, or loved one is thinking of suicide, they need professional support and the most powerful thing you can do is connect them to it.
Here are some things you can say:
“Let’s connect you with someone who is trained to help you, like a school counselor or therapist.”
“I know there are hotlines with trained counselors you can talk to in confidence. Would you like me to stay with you while you text one?”
8. Don’t promise to keep what they tell you a secret.
If someone is thinking of suicide, they need professional support. It isn’t something you can keep secret. It is possible that they could be upset with you in the short term, but you need to do what’s best for them in the long run.
9. Get immediate help if they are unsafe.
If your loved one appears to be in immediate distress—they may tell you, but they also may take a more indirect route, like a social media post—you can say: “I am really worried that you are not safe right now, and I want to connect you to someone who can help you stay safe.” Then:
- Help them get in touch with their therapist if they have one.
- Offer to text or call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline together.
- Call or text 988 yourself if the person is unwilling to.
- Drive them to the emergency room.
- Call 911 if there is an immediate risk of harm and tell the operator you need support for a mental health crisis.
- Stay with them until they are connected to help.
10. Take care of yourself.
It can feel overwhelming to help someone struggling with suicidal feelings. Be sure to take care of yourself by talking to someone you trust or seeking your own support from a therapist. You’ve been a good support to someone else, so now offer that same care to yourself.
Check the parent recourse section for more support and information.
Resources
What Would You Like To See in the Next Edition
Kelly Giles
Student Assistance Professional (SAP, SUDP)
Shuksan Middle School,
Options High School
Northwest ESD 189
Email: kelvin.giles@bellinghamschools.org
Website: https://shuksan.bellinghamschools.org/
Phone: 360-676-6454 (ext4857)