/Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 5

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Brienne can’t understand why Jaime didn’t just tell everyone that he saved countless innocent lives, but Jaime’s concept of right and wrong is rooted in how well he is obeying the boss, not his own moral code (lest we forget that his girlfriend is his sister). And with a dramatic “My name is JAIME!” he faints in Brienne’s arms.

If you had asked me a couple of seasons ago whether it was really bad to be a Lannister or really good to be a Lannister, I would have probably said “Yeah, really good. It’s really good to be a Lannister”. It turns out that would have been an idiot answer for idiots, because it SUCKS to be a Lannister.

Cersei is still trying her “The Tyrells, amirite?” bit, this time with Littlefinger who she threatens into getting her dirt on them, because that’s generally how Cersei makes friends. In between being creepy with Sansa, Littlefinger uses one of his prostitute spies to uncover the Tyrell’s plan to marry Loras and Sansa. HMM, INTERESTING says everyone except Sansa because she’s probably praying or whatever.

Now that Tyrion has an actual job to do in King’s Landing, he’s a square. Lady Olenna heard he was a womanizing drunk and thus automatically liked him, but now is like “Ugh, you actually want to talk about money?” Tyrion looks at her like she’s just accused him of being a virgin who can’t drive, but is still like “Seriously… we have like, no money”. Lady Olenna thinks the people want a royal wedding, let me eat cake etc. and says, “Fine we’ll pay for half because Tyrells have endless money, go get me a fig”.

Despite all the shady deals and backdoor promises Cersei and Tyrion have made today, Tywin doesn’t really give two figs about them. Not two figs! He knows that Robb has lost half his army and think that the Tyrell’s want to hedge their bets by marrying Lady Prays-a-lot Sansa.

“Tyrion you have nothing else on, you can marry her instead!” says Tywin.

“WTF! She’s like, really young,” says Tyrion. “Are you kidding? She’s had her period for at least three months. Also, HAHAHA!!!” says Cersei.

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