The Commoner's Post

Too bad commoners can't read...

New Wife NOW!

Do you need a wife but can't afford it? Come to New Wife NOW ©! We have many women from 12-42 years old. Why are some of the wives we have cheaper? Don't worry, those ones probably have a "great personality". Get your companion today! We ship women, too! We also take applications from women, in case you need money, but you're stuck with what you get, ladies!

Assyrian Comic of the Day

The Death of a Hero's Friend

Recently, Gilgamesh's best friend, Enkidu, has passed away. The funeral is going on now, and everybody is emotionally affected, especially Gilgamesh. Right before Enkidu died, he managed to tell his best friend, "It's shameful for a man to die like this!"

"Ishtar hasn't just killed me; she has managed to shame me, too..." Tough times, but we will all remember Enkidu for the hero he was, and the respect he gave everybody, a noble man he was. "I'm weeping for you, Enkidu. Wake up now. Wake up and see how the world prizes you. Don't sleep your life away. Wake up now. Don't get lost in the dark." says Gilgamesh.

King Hammurabi

Guess what? Hammurabi is coming to town! That's right, the king is actually coming out of his palace and giving a speech in town! Want to see what the king has to say, or do you want to give him an idea for his famous Code of 282 laws? The price is only 13 bushels of wheat to participate.


Assyria has been more violent and ruthless than ever, killing citizens of other city-states just for fun. Rumor says they invented a new torture method where they stick a pole in you, and have you slide down it until it comes out your mouth, and then they leave you to die (They have named it impaling). Doesn't THAT sound like fun... Just a fair warning, to avoid them, although I bet everyone new that by know. The author of this article has informed us to avoid putting his name in for safety reasons.

Shipping and Handling Inc.

Need any goods or items taken anywhere to or from a customer? Well, look no further than Shipping and Handling Inc. We have skillful traveling merchants that will bring your product anywhere (not including regions of Assyria; safety reasons apply)! Every 10 minas cost only 16 bushels of wheat. Interested? Contact us 8 shops northeast of the Ur ziggurat. We can't wait to "handle" your goods!

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A Fair Trade!

What would you rather have, your daughter or a domesticated cow? We all know you would pick the cow. So now, come to us for help! We can help you get rid of that kerfuffle, and give you animals in exchange. A young girl for 2 chickens or a middle-aged woman for 2 cows! Being annoyed? Grounding your daughter? This is the way to go!

Recipe for the most mediocre flatbread in Mesopotamia!


14 oz. of flour, 1 c of water, 1/2 tsp of salt.

Mix the water, flour, and salt together slowly.


Knead the dough and form it into flat round patties.


Cover the dough with a cloth and let it sit overnight.


The next day, bake it in an oven at 350°F for 30 minutes.


*OPTIONAL: You could add pieces of dried fruit, like raisins or dates, or chopped nuts. You could also add various spices. If you want it sweeter, add some honey.


Monday, Nov. 14th 101 at 10:30am


We have recently captured some hill people, and have decided to form a slave auction. Since they are all buff men and efficient women, we are selling one for a mina of silver. A steal! Need somebody to care for your crops, or tend to your animals? Or maybe you could even have them produce more of your product! Just make sure you pay us, before we decide to auction YOU off...

Companion Collecter

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Famous dog breeder Tal-Intu is in town right now, selling his high quality companions to the rich and the poor, the powerful and the weak, anybody at all! These companions are loving, playful, and helpful no matter what your job is! King Hammurabi uses Tal-Intu for all his doggy needs. Mesopotamian student Jordan-Zietz has said, "Tal-Intu is the best! Anybody that wants a dog should go to him for their business, he can convince anybody to buy his loving companions!"

New to the Neighborhood?

20 minas of gold ~ All it takes to get your very own mud brick house right smack in the center of town. Outrageous, right? But it's all real, starting from 3 stories to a house with roof dividers, a courtyard, and it even comes with chickens! If you prefer a reed house, then 48 minas of silver will do. Reed houses won't get damaged in storms, and water is pointless to destroy it! Contact us via camel today for your new gate to society!