Christina Rapert, Saige Holst, Yvonne Kim of the CFTGNLFW
The Scourge of Our Beautiful Nation
Join the Litter Busters!
Do you want to....
- Get and create jobs for you and your buddies? Technicians, scouts, investigators, squad leaders, bakers, organizers, hackers, interrogators, pyrotechnicians, planners, officers, medieval weapons experts, high-ranking government officials, the staggeringly wealthy, bored, and naive are all welcome and needed! Invite your friends!
- Eliminate pestilence, danger, and disease? We all know litter is an eyesore, but is it simply that or much more? You may not know it, but litter can cause health and sanitation problems! Cigarette butts are a fire hazard, broken glass and beer bottles are an obvious safety hazard, various types of organic litter can attract rodents and pests and even simple cans or containers can hold rainwater that becomes a breeding ground for mosquitoes! Not to mention the dangers litter presents to creatures outside of urban areas- animals die from litter! It's true! For the money-minded, think of the savings in health care costs that the nation can enjoy without these hazards!
- Create a more beautiful, clean America? With nations such as Iceland, Switzerland, and Finland taking the spotlights for being some of the most pristine and beautiful nations on earth, the obviously best nation in the world is being unjustly overshadowed because of such issues like reckless consumption and wastefulness. Other than appending a "-land" suffix to our nation's name (and destroying what is right, good, and American for eternity by associating ourselves with the Europeans), there's not much we can do on a civilian level except take immediate action to clean our cities, towns, and landscapes one piece of trash at a time!
If you said "YES" to any of these questions and are young and energetic enough to change the world, then maybe this is your calling! If you're lucky, you could be one of the select many to be the main brunt of our Litter Busters force....
Our Grand Solution!
We put trash where they belong.
Think it's cool to leave a soda cup in Central Park? You'll get to experience first hand another one of New York's renowned attractions - the Fresh Kills Landfill! Dumping plastic rings into the ocean? We'll strip, toss, and leave you to be food for the sharks! Leaving your camping equipment in the forests of South Dakota? How about we leave your body for the bears of South Dakota?
With the possibility of broadcasting the plight of our litter criminals on national television and hosting major events for their sending off into the landfills, garbage islands, wildernesses, oceans, rivers, and mountains that they have polluted, the Litter Busters has the potential to become a household name in every family without having to resort to violent persuasion!
Supplemented by thorough surveillance cameras in all corners of the nation, fully legal and sponsored by the friendly folks at the government, installed everywhere from public places to parks to ladies' locker rooms, no violator can escape the eyes of the CFTGNLFW!