HOLY CRAP DUDE LOOK AT THIS

DO YOU SEE THIS MUTHAF*CKERS? DO YOU SEE THIS?

HOLY CRAPBALLS. NOW I'VE CALMED DOWN A BIT, LOOK AT THIS!

LOOK CLOSELY. LOOKS LIKE A NORMAL SWISS ARMY KNIFE. BUT IF YOU LOOK CLOSER, IT'S GOT A GODDAMN USB ON IT! HOW MANY FRIGGIN SWISS ARMY KNIVES HAVE YOU SEEN WITH ONE OF THOSE BAD BOYS ON THEM?!?! NONE! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!

YOU WANT THIS? BOY, IT'S YOURS FROM JUST $20!

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD BUY AT THIS PRICE?!?! 2 MEALS FROM A FAST FOOD PLACE BUT THAT'S IT MAN! AND THIS SH*T WILL LAST A LIFETIME! YOU WANT IT TO BE BURIED WITH YOU?!? IT'LL LAST LONGER THAN YOUR GODDAMN BONES! ARCHEOLOGISTS WILL FIND THIS AND DIE OF HOW AWESOME THIS THING IS! IT WILL CHANGE THEIR WHOLE WAY OF THINKING! THEY WILL HAIL THIS THING LIKE IT'S THIER GODDAMN GOD!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE EVEN SELLING THIS TO YOU PESEANTS

DAMMIT DUDE! YOU WANT TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS?!?! ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN THING ON THE MARKET. NOTHING WILL BEAT THIS! YOU KNOW WHAT GOD USES TO CUT HIS BREAD? THIS DAMN KNIFE! CHUCK NORRIS EVEN OWNS ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS! ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR CHUCK NORRIS? HE WILL FIND YOU AND MESS YOU UP! DAMMIT I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK AGAIN. BUY THIS DAMN KNIFE.

WE ARE GODDAMN SERIOUS ABOUT THIS

CALL US YOU PILLOCKS OR WE WILL CUT YOU WITH THIS AND THEN YOU'LL BE ALL LIKE "OH NO... IF ONLY I HAD BOUGHT THAT KNIFE" AND THEN WE WILL EAT YOUR KIDNEYS.