A Recipe to Save the Nation

"An Army Marches on its Stomach"

The American Civil War

  • 1/2 cup Union North
  • 1/2 cup Confederate South
  • 1 tablespoon Abraham Lincoln
  • 4 Cans of Fort Sumter
  • 1 tablespoon Industry
  • 1 tablespoon Farming
  • 5 Pounds Fresh Slavery
  • 620,000 Chopped Lives
  • 375,000 Sliced Injuries
  • 1 teaspoon Jefferson Davis
  • 1 teaspoon Robert E. Lee
  • 1 teaspoon Ulysses S. Grant
  • Gettysburg Address seasoning
  • Crushed Robert E. Lee Pepper
  • 1 Freeing Emancipation Proclamation


  1. In two separate bowls pour in the 1/2 cup Union North and 1/2 cup Confederate South.
  2. Sprinkle the tablespoon of Abraham Lincoln in both bowls.
  3. Open up the cans of Fort Sumter and let them sit and spoil for 4 hours.
  4. Pour one tablespoon of industry into the bowl with the Union North and one tablespoon of farming into the bowl with the Confederate South.
  5. Place the 5 pounds fresh slavery into the bowl with the tablespoon of farming and Confederate South.
  6. Now take both bowls and mix them together!
  7. Add 1 teaspoon Jefferson Davis, 1 teaspoon Robert E. Lee, 1 teaspoon Ulysses S. Grant, and your Gettysburg Address seasoning.
  8. Now beat the ingredients into a ball as hard as you can and add your Crushed Robert E. Lee Pepper.
  9. This will make your 620,000 chopped lives and 375,000 sliced injuries.
  10. Cook this on 400 degrees for an hour.
  11. You finally get your delicious Free Emancipation Proclamation.
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