Davis Read

For President of the United States

Biography and Campaign Pitch

Raised under a strong willed mother in southern Kentucky, you can be certain that Davis Read won't take nothing from no one. Davis received a masters degree in philanthropy and kindness from Depaul University, so you know he is one man who will look out for your rights. He'll implement plans for you, for your father, for your mother, for your grandmother, for your dog, and for your frog. There'll be so many plans you won't know what to do with yourself anymore. You'll have new rights slapping you in the face before he even puts his hand on that bible. A vote for Davis is a vote for freedom and equality for all.

Roles and Plans

Chief of State-No one will look at the United States of America the same way after Davis Read's 2 extremely successful terms. We, as a nation, will be the figurehead of a movement of economic, military, environmental, and moral prosperity that will wash over the rest of the world like hurricane Katrina.

Chief Executive- A combination of careful planning and moderation will lead Davis's executive orders and congressional cooperation to victory as he leads our country through these trying times.

Commander in Chief- Davis plans to cut military spending as he relies on his own imposing presence to ward off any potential challengers to our American liberty.

Chief Administrator- Davis will request an expansion of the budget of bureaucracy with the newly acquired funds from the military budget cut. These funds will be put towards creating new jobs to implement all of the shiny new laws and programs meant to improve your life in this glorious country of ours.

Chief Citizen- There's no one more fit to lead the people of the U.S. than Davis Read. He's a man of humble beginnings who will lead all people to economic prosperity through huge welfare and medical care spending programs. No one will be poor or die ever again under Davis's leadership.

Chief Legislator- Only the utmost liberal bills will pass under Davis's pen. That means no more guns, no more violence, no more suffering. The environment will prosper under Davis with his approval of bills endorsing things such as solar power and high speed rail systems. He will lead this country to a level never thought possible before.

Chief of the Party- The Democrat party will never see such absolute prosperity as it will under Davis Read. He will appoint 7 Democratic justices within the first year. He will support the election of Democrats at all levels of both state and federal governments by supporting an agenda that no sane person will be able to shoot down. No other party will ever again be able to successfully stare down the liberal empire that Davis creates.

Chief Diplomat- With his Secretary of State, Mark Wahlberg, no country in the world will be able to get mad at the good vibes spewing out of the U.S. like a volcano. We will spread over the rest of the world like wildfire, covering them in feelings of freedom and prosperity as we improve our trade relationships and attempt to end all nuclear threats.