Social Security:Modest Proposal
Satire by Woo Son and Noah Gabehart
Our nation has been in a severe economic debt lately. Do you know whose fault it is? Old people. Social Security costs our nation millions of dollars each year, and it all goes to people who contribute nothing to our nation except tradition, wisdom, and a rich heritage. To solve this issue, all people above the age of 62 should be sent to a concentration camp where they will be promptly shot in the head. A bullet costs only $1, while a human life is priceless. It is therefore far cheaper to shoot the elderly in the forehead instead of paying the millions of dollar in repayment for their lifetimes of service.
Waste of space
Without old people there will be more space for the young and more space to grow food.
A bullet is cheaper than paying for an old person.
These "retirement offices" will take up less space than all the houses for the old people.