My Genius

I think my job, what makes me important, is being my sisters’ and niece’s protector. That is what makes me important. Making them happy and making sure everything is okay and will always be okay.

When my littlest sister was just a couple days old, we brought her home from the hospital. Her second day home, I went just to look at her in her bassinet, because I was a curious kid. When I looked at her, I realized she wasn’t breathing and her face was turning blue. I told my parents and they called 911, but by the time the ambulance finally got there, my dad had got her breathing again. She had acid reflux, and she was choking because of it. My mom says I’m her angel. If I would have never looked at her right at that moment, she wouldn’t be with us today.

So I think that’s why I am here on earth. To always be their protector, their hero. I will always be there to make sure nothing ever happens to them. Any of them. I can tell they need me, because when I just leave for a little while to the store they tell me they don’t want me to ever leave them. It hurts me, but it also makes me feel good about myself. I do matter.

What breaks my heart?

What breaks my heart? Seeing my little sisters sad or hurt. Some days they come home and tell me about how certain kids wouldn’t let them play with them, or that certain people tell them they are ugly. That breaks my heart because they aren’t old enough to know that it isn’t true or not to listen to it. They cry to me because they believe they aren’t pretty. I wish they were still babies and didn’t have to grow up. So no one would hurt them.

Thinking about my parents getting old breaks my heart. I’m scared to live without them. I’m scared to put them in a nursing home and watching them just die. It breaks my heart just thinking about it.

Seeing my brother cry breaks my heart. He gets so stressed sometimes and just breaks down. I hate seeing him like that.

The commercials on tv that talk about the animal abuse and show all the sad pictures, those break my heart. I love animals as if they were my own babies. I can’t stand seeing them hurt. I guess I’m a pretty emotional person.

My Greatest Fears

What are my deepest fears? The number one thing on my list would definitely be getting raped and kidnapped and dying because of it. Since I was a kid I have always been terrified of it. I have nightmares all the time. When I’m in Wal-Mart I pick out the people I think would do that. My anxiety doesn’t help much. It makes it a lot worse.

The tv shows I watch probably make it worse too. It’s always been my biggest fear. Would people care if I was gone? Would they do everything to find me? I guess I wouldn’t know. At this point, since it hasn’t happened yet. I have always been careful not to do anything that would allow it to happen. Like going on chat sites, or adding people I don’t know on facebook, anything like that.

My Biggest Dreams

What are my biggest dreams? I think my biggest one would be to have a family of my own. I honestly cannot wait to have kids and get married and be a wife and mother. I think I want it so bad because I want to be better than my mom. I want to have all of the cleaning done every time my husband comes home. I want to have dinner being made. I don’t want to have to make my kids do my job. I will be a great mother. My second dream would to be a cosmetologist. I love doing hair and makeup, and it makes me feel good when I make someone else feel pretty or confident. That is the stuff that I am actually good at. But I also want to get my CNA because it pays good money. And I don’t want to be broke. I want to have a back-up plan just in case I fail at being a cosmetologist.