How To: Become President in 2017
Passionate Speeches and Integrity
Gaining Public Attention
In the past, a presidential candidate would have been chosen based on political activism or accomplishments. However, in the 21st century, the best candidates are those that get their faces on TV and make outrageous statements for media attention. These are the kind of people we need in office! The people who can't make up their minds because they have so many great ideas in their head all at the same time! We want a candidate with so many allegations against him/her that he/she couldn't possibly be a bad person! The more drama the better!
The world doesn't have enough drama... We haven't had a World War in over seventy years for crying out loud! We need a president that isn't afraid to speak his mind to our other world leaders. Who cares what they think? This is America! We came out on top in the last two world wars, so who says we can't do it again? The people want a president who gets his hands dirty and isn't afraid to cut through some red tape. The president can break all the laws he/she wants because... well, he/she is the president, right?
Giving the People What They Want
America needs a candidate that gives everyone exactly what they want even if that's not what everyone else wants! A president that promises something but never follows through could easily win if history is a trend-setter, so the more false promises the better for America. If a candidate possesses each of the previously described characteristics, we can make America great again!