Reptile Law Firm

Come and see what the Lizard King has in store

Why Choose Us?

You should choose our fine company because we offer the best service at the most affordable price. We also accept livestock as currency. Also we accept golden coins as currency. Our company offers the kindest and most reptilian services you can find on this planet. Please, come on by! :)


We also offer training in vocabulary, there is a whole list of words and their definitions in the box below, this is very cool for those of this species who aren't so good with words.


We represent anybody, all animals, all species, all kinds of entities.

Terms You Need To Know

You will need to acknowledge certain terms to understand this process.

Firstly: Plaintiff, if you are the being taking another being to court you are the plaintiff. Simply the proposing starting the court session.

Second: The Defendant, is the being that is being accused of said doing. You don't want to be this being.

Third: Complaint, you can make a complaint if you believe an aspect of the situation is unacceptable.

Fourth: Summons, this one is very important so take mind to remember. This is an order from the court to appear in said court. For example, say you did not pay a parking ticket, you would get a summons, or perhaps a summons for jury duty.

Fifth: Pleadings, these are emotional or somewhat "biased" appeals to another being.

Sixth: Pre-Trial, this is a meeting where the Judge informs the defendant and the plaintiff of the steps to take in the actual trial.

Seventh: Meditation, this is simply a document containing the thoughts of one being, or more.

Eighth: Trial, this is the actual deal, this is where the evidence is brought forth to a Judge and examined for further process.

Ninth: Preponderance of Evidence, in non-criminal cases, the amount of evidence does not matter, it is the authenticity of the evidence and the probability of truth.

Tenth: Verdict, this is simply the conclusion to a discussion.

Eleventh: Appeal, simply this is just an urgent request to another being or entity.

Open all days excluding the Solstices and Equinoxes and Spike Lizard Feedings.

My fine, and well adjourned facility will bring you happiness in your pursuits.

I have trained associates and employees. These employees were handpicked by me and the finest associates in the trade. Ready for the task at hand. Also if needed my lizard named Spike Lizard the Dawg will assist the case by eating crickets and squash in front of the Jury. Then he will find his way into my lap. Wiggle his way into my shirt pocket and slumber for an unknown amount time. Then he will speak what needs to be said. Otherwise he will just hang out in his cage in the office. But on the winter and summer solstices, and the fall and spring equinoxes, and as well as when Spike Lizard is feeding, there will be no activity in this firm.

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Highest Ranked Employees

These employees offer the very best service in the state. I have hand picked these fellows along with a few of my associates. They go for the back of beyond when it comes to you and your problems!!

Information

Phone # (919) 336 9011

Address ( 8 pizza lane hill, Raleigh, NC

Hours ( Weekdays 6-10; Weekends all day everyday.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who does all the paperwork?

My Wife Beth. A picture can be found here.

What is the highest stature education in your facility?

We were all trained by Ra.

How fast will you win my case?

So fast that you wont even see the Lawyer get out of his/her seat. For we are shapeshifting lizard beings.

Are Shape Shifting Lizard Beings dangerous for my kids?

For those under 2 years of age yes.

When will I get service?

Usually immediately, if not you can hang with the company Lizard. As well as feed him a cricket or two while you wait, but with the speed of our shapeshifting lizard team, you shall not waste a second in our fantastic firm.

Can I call in from home?

Absolutely, you can call at any time for we are shapeshifting lizard beings.

Please Check Out Our Company Song

Eric Cartman The Dawg Full

My Personal Bio

I am the Lizard King, I can do anything, your problems are no more when you find yourself inside the Reptile Law Firm.