Apple Rightfully Shuns Creativity

Apple Fires Several Workers In The Manufacturing Division

It has recently been discovered that Apple fired several of their workers after discovering that they had attempted to be "creative". The world has subsequently doffed their collective hats to Apple, because boy, do we hate change! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the fact that Apple is lightyears behind pretty much every other Android phone on the market in terms of hardware. I mean, who wants to spend $180 on an Android phone with software and hardware that won't be obsolete for at least 4 years, when you can spend no less than $600 on an iPhone that you'll probably have to replace within a couple of months? Not to mention that your screen will inevitably crack within the first two weeks of obtaining your brand-new iPhone! Oh, joy! Why these rogue workers attempted to "be creative" is beyond me. Apple doesn't "innovate". They stagnate, and that stagnation has made them what they are today. Godspeed, Apple. Godspeed.

Breaking News: Apple is Creating Yet ANOTHER Apple Watch!

Well, it looks like the second coming is imminent, folks. Apple has announced that they are making another Apple Watch, named the Apple Watch 2 (How creative!). For those who don't know what an Apple Watch is, it's a watch. But not just any watch! It's a watch that you have to charge! It's filled to the brim with completely useless-- uh, I mean useful apps! I mean, it's not like we have apps on our phones or anything. It can also browse the internet, because who cares that laptops are objectively better at surfing the web? It's an Apple Watch! It's cool! Oh yeah, and you'll probably never, ever, use it to check the time. But who cares? It's an Apple Watch! All in all, if you buy this new Apple Watch when it is released, you are probably made out of money, and have nothing better to do with your life.

This article was written by Mr. P. S. Eudonym, and co-written by Mr. Gull Ible.