THE RUNDOWN
Weekly Information for CBC YOUTH Leadership
February 4-11, 2020
- Entering Into The Spicy Zone
- Resources
- Asian American Parenting Micro Conference // Registration
- Spring Calendar
- The Vine Conference
Entering Into to The Spicy Zone // Love, Sex, Dating, and all the other Stuff
- When it comes to dating, the stats over the past 5-10 years have largely remained the same for students. According to the CDC, in 2017 males are more likely to date frequently than their female peers.
- The likelihood of sexual activity increases with grade. While 16% of freshmen report to be sexually active, the number raises to 46% by the time they are seniors. Furthermore, approx. 40% of high school students report that they have had sexual intercourse, an all-time low in recent decades.
- According to Buzzfeed stats, 23% say that they would date more than one person at a time. 45% of students say that they should have sex "within a month" of seeing another person (not necessarily within an exclusive dating relationship). 36% of students said they have "sexted", 23% said they have cheated on someone and 42% said they have been cheated on.
- We found multiple sources on Vogue, Vanity Fair, Snapchat Stories, New York Times on dating and sex that have varying advices and solutions. What seems to be most prevalent right now are techniques on dating and on sex. Our conclusion is that pop culture is utterly confused when it comes to love, sex, dating, and marriage. There's no true standard for relationships and the general wisdom is to keep things casual, free, and non-committal. However, what is telling is that pop culture cannot seem to give a solution for its problems. Those giving these sex advices have an inconsistent view of what is "right" and "wrong" but it is difficult to provide a solution when the definitions continue to change. All they know is that the system is broken and doesn't fulfill.
- We acknowledge at this moment that though these are the statistics out there, our students are being mentored and discipled in this sexual worldview. Someone is coaching the students in what sex is, how relationships work, why marriage should/should not exist, how to seduce women/men, pornography, hooking up, etc. The ones that daily disciple the students are typically social media and peer worldviews.
Where we stand // CBC YOUTH Positions: these are some questions that have come up in our youth group and leadership and this is where we stand on some of the bigger issues.
- What is the purpose of dating? We do NOT believe that dating is something to be taken casually. We also do NOT believe that dating is the ultimate thing in the world. We believe that the purpose of dating (in the context of two Christians) is to purposefully pursue the other for the sake of evaluation with the intention of marriage. We believe there should be intentionality and not just random "let's see where this goes" without any thought to it. We also believe that dating should lead somewhere. We've always said that dating ends in only two ways: breakup or marriage. It is why we want you to take it seriously and wisely because we also believe that even in dating you will inevitably invest parts of your heart, energy, and efforts. But ultimately for the Christian, dating ought to be done as an act of worship to God (as all things are).
- When should one date? (time) We don't believe that there is a certain age that allows someone to date rather we believe that it is more about a readiness and maturity that can answer that question. But we can answer that too. We believe that one is ready to date with individually the guy/girl is in a good/maturing space in a few areas: physically, and spiritually. By the way, we are first talking to two Christians who are asking this question. We will address the other scenarios later. So what we mean by physically is that the individual should be able to simply take care of themselves - financially, time-management, habits, etc. It's just can that person handle their own business first? Like can they set a schedule and keep it? Can they respond in communication? Are they able to clean up after themselves? Nothing crazy just basic human day-to-day activities. Then we would say, are they in a good spot spiritually? This is not to say that they have to be "perfect" but we're saying if they are living a faithful and consistent life that matches what they believe. So basic questions would be, "If i'm to date this other Christian (who is supposedly loving and following after Jesus) are they in a local community that worships and prays together? Are they going to church and growing there? Do they hate sin and desire to put it to death in their life and when it creeps up are they quick to repent and confess it? Do they love to tell others about the goodness of the Gospel and evangelize? This is why we will also say, just because a person says that "they are a Christian" is insufficient for us. It is not the label they given themselves but their lives and their action. And again...this isn't just for that other person, this is for you to ask yourself. How in the world do you plan on growing "together" if you're not already doing it by yourself? Because if you're not in that place then we would say you are not ready to date. So when are you two ready to date? We'll say when both of you are independently growing and in a good place physically and spiritually.
- When should one date? (accountability) We want you to date (shocker!) But we want you to succeed in dating...we really do. What we said above is part of it, but we also want you to have a community behind you cheering you on but also protecting you because we love you. So we are putting this out there...you're ready to date when your family, closest friend group/discipleship group, and mentors agree that you're in a good place to date. If you truly love these people in your life and you trust them because they have been there for you and proven to be faithful...then you should consider their opinion BEFORE you get involved in the talking phase (much less making it official). You should ask for their advice but also you should welcome their questions (hard questions too). You probably aren't aware of your blind spots when it comes to this so allow those who truly love you and who will truly give you honest thoughts for their opinions and honestly take it. If they tell you, "hold on...give it some time" then trust them.
- What does a Christian relationship look like in dating? Ben Stuart, in his sermons and books, called the dating phase a time of "evaluating." You are dating to evaluate whether this is the person that you can journey together for the sake of the Gospel. You are trying to see whether this person has the same vision and direction that you're going on. But ultimately what you're doing is in part the same thing you should have been doing as a single - worshipping the Lord, chasing hard after Jesus, discipling others, being within community, serving, etc. Now as you date, you get to do the same thing and you get to share some of those opportunities with the other person. Just because you start dating doesn't excuse your spiritual growth, if anything it enhances it. So here's an easy question: does your dating relationship fuel your love for Christ? Does your dating relationship show off to others watching the goodness and grace of the Gospel?
- Who should I date? Can I date a non-Christian? The "who" kind of ties back to some of the other questions that we talked about. You should date someone who is in a good place physically and spiritually. What about the other stuff like looks, similar interest, pet peeves, etc? That we don't have an answer for you...what we do know is that the other person will never be "perfect" because that person may be able to put on a good front for a few weeks but eventually baggage and issues will come out. The person you begin dating will look/be quite different as you continue...and the reason is because you will get to know them (their good and their bad) and then you get to decide and evaluate whether or not the two of you will work through and work together as a couple or not. That other person is a sinner just like you and that is why your common foundation is the Gospel. Because you cannot treat the other as if they are or can be your savior. They do not possess the ability or capacity. It is why Jesus must be central in your relationship...but the one who defines it. This is why we believe you should not date a non-Christian. Why? Well it's NOT because we believe it has nothing to do with them personally but it has all to do with two competing worldviews and allegiances. If one is a Christian then they are inevitably going to worship the Lord in all parts of their life. They have given themselves to his leading and Christ now has given them a new direction and new identity. Their purpose in life is drastically different than before. So how does a Christian honestly date a non-Christian, whom the Christian theologically and fundamentally believe that the non-Christian has not only differing but opposing worldviews? It is unfair and dishonest for the Christian to demand the non-Christian to bend to their worldviews when in fact it is impossible because they 1) don't want to submit to Christ and/or 2) they don't know Christ. And the danger of dating a non-Christian is that you're interjecting all this romantic emotions and crossing potential boundaries and you may make their path to Jesus more and more difficult and confusing. Christian, if you truly care for them and love them, then love their soul and salvation above your romantic needs. And honestly, because there will be so much emotional confusion from you, the best person to share the gospel with them would be someone of the same sex and will drive home a good gospel witness.
- What do believe about those who have fallen/are stuck in sexual sin? We believe the same grace that is afforded to the rest of us is still available to you. We do not believe that any amount or degree of sin will ever separate a Christian from the finished work of Jesus. You have not gone too far and God is not disappointed in you and unwilling to take you back. God loves and continues to love you and begs you to come to him. But that love also reminds you to kill that sin. Why? Because we know that sin kills. Sexual sins kills and it has a lot of collateral damage. So we beg you that the first thing you do is to come back to a Christian community and feel safe because the church is a bunch of messed up people who confess in a perfect savior who took away our sins (even the ones you're committing now). But come back and lift those sins up to the Lord in the safety of community. We also say be serious about killing sexual sin and don't just treat it as if its nothing. We don't care whether its porn, masturbation, sexual flirting with someone that is not your SPOUSE, oral sex or touching in a sexual way...any of it we beg for you to put it to death. Expose it to your community, confess, and repent. Replace that deed with the goodness of God and replace it with things that fuel your heart and mind with the things of God. Replace your porn with bible study. Replace your sexual flirting with biblical discipleship. Replace your guilt and shame with worship and prayer. Lastly, I know some of you have been involved in so much dark stuff that you don't know how to get out. If this is you, there is grace for sure but please contact us and let's get some help to start making your way out of it.
OUR FAVORITE RESOURCES
Asian American Parenting Micro Conference
Parents of children & youth, you're not going to want to miss this opportunity. This is a collaborative effort by the Chinese Churches in Houston and we're bringing you some of the best speakers and workshop teachers around to equip, train, and encourage you. $20 covers lunch and resources and what's better is that we provide childcare and Chinese translations if needed.
Saturday, Apr 4, 2020, 09:00 AM
Fort Bend Community Church, Highway 6, Missouri City, TX, USA
Spring Calendar 2020
Feb 21 Girls Appreciation
Feb 23 Youth Membership Meeting
Mar 1 Parents Meeting
Mar 29 Spaghetti Luncheon
Apr 4 Parents Micro-Conference
Apr 5 Adult Leadership Meeting
Apr 12 Easter
Apr 26 Youth Membership Meeting
May 3 Parents Meeting
May 15 Last ACCESS
May 24 Senior Banquet
The Vine Project Workshop
In case you’re not familiar with the Vine Project Workshop, let me give you a quick rundown. It’s organized by Matthias Media and led by Tony Payne, co-author of "Trellis & the Vine". These one-day workshops are designed for church leaders (staff and lay) and aim to pass on biblical principles of disciple-making. It’s not about selling you on a methodology but about helping you and your leadership team to engage the biblical principles and to work them out in your unique ministry context. There’s a website you can check out, but it’s not about the workshop per se. It’s about their “workbook“ also called The Vine Project: https://thevineproject.com/about/