Dolphin Tales
From your School Psychologist
Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
As a side note: I was working on this flier prior to the recent news. Given the recent news I thought it would be good for parents to have this article. If you have a child that has been impacted by the recent incident in Las Vegas please let me know and I would be happy to check in on them.
High profile acts of violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved-ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security and talking with them about their fears.
- Reassure children that they are safe. Emphasize that schools are very safe. Validate their feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs. Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately.
- Make time to talk. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. Be patient; children and youth do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.
- Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.
- Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.
- Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.
- Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs.
- Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at school and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and in the community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk.
- Observe children’s emotional state. Some children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also indicate a child’s level of anxiety or discomfort. In most children, these symptoms will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may be at risk for more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Seek the help of mental health professional if you are at all concerned.
- Limit television viewing of these events. Limit television viewing and be aware if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Adults also need to be mindful of the content of conversations that they have with each other in front of children, even teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry comments that might be misunderstood.
- Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed.
Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children
- Schools are safe places. School staff works with parents and public safety providers (local police and fire departments, emergency responders, hospitals, etc.) to keep you safe. The school building is safe because … (cite specific school procedures).
- We all play a role in the school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous or frightened.
- There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.
- Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and probability that it will affect you (our school community).
- Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routine, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event.
- Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to handle their anger, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from mental illness. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or angry and to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
- Stay away from guns and other weapons. Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun. Access to guns is one of the leading risk factors for deadly violence.
- Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.
NASP has additional information for parents and educators on school safety, violence prevention, children’s trauma reactions, and crisis response at www.nasponline.org.
© 2016, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814, 301-657-0270, www.nasponline.org
EARLY WARNING SIGNS: GETTING HELP FOR TROUBLED CHILDREN
The following articles were handed out to all staff at Dry Creek. I felt it was also important to give these warning signs to parents.
We believe that EVERYONE has the responsibility for reducing the risk of violence. Maintaining order, demonstrating mutual respect and caring for one another, and getting help for children who are troubled, are ALL of our responsibilities.
Use these signs responsibly:
It is important to avoid inappropriately labeling or stigmatizing individual students because they appear to fit a specific profile or set or early warning indicators. It’s okay to be worried about a child, but it’s not okay to overreact and jump to conclusions. Be careful not to misinterpret the signs. None of these signs alone is sufficient for predicting aggression and violence. It is inappropriate--and potentially harmful--to use the early warning signs as a checklist against which to match individual children. These signs are not listed in order of seriousness and are not equally significant. It is not always possible to predict behavior that will lead to violence. However, a good rule of thumb is to assume that these warning signs, especially when presented in combination, indicate a need for further analysis to determine appropriate intervention. Use these signs to refer students so that other professionals may evaluate and consult with the child’s parents to determine a course of action.
Social withdrawal.
In some situations, gradual and eventually complete withdrawal from social contacts can be an important indicator of a troubled child.
Excessive feelings of isolation and being alone.
Research has shown that the majority of children who are isolated and appear to be friendless are NOT violent. These feelings are sometimes characteristic of children and youth who may be troubled, withdrawn, or have internal issues that hinder development of social affiliations. However, research has also shown that in some cases feelings of isolation and not having friends are associated with children who behave aggressively and violently.
Excessive feelings of rejection.
In the process of growing up many young people experience emotionally painful rejection. Their responses to rejection will depend on many background factors. Without support, they may be at risk of expressing their emotional distress in negative ways.
Being a victim of violence.
Children who are victims of violence--including physical or sexual abuse--in the community, at school, or at home are sometimes at risk themselves of becoming violent toward themselves or others.
Feelings of being picked on and persecuted.
A child who feels constantly picked on, teased, bullied, singled out for ridicule, and humiliated may initially withdraw socially. Some may vent their feelings in inappropriate ways, including aggression or violence.
Low school interest and poor academic performance.
Poor school achievement can be the result of many factors. Consider whether there is a drastic change in performance, or whether poor performance has become chronic. When the low achiever feels frustrated, unworthy, or chastised, acting out or aggressive behaviors may occur. It is important to assess the emotional and cognitive reasons for the performance to determine the true nature of the problem.
Expression of violence in writings and drawings.
Many children produce work about violent themes that for the most part is harmless when taken in context. However, an over representation of violence in writings and drawings that is directed at specific individuals (family members, peers, other adults) consistently over time, may signal emotional problems and the potential for violence. It is important to seek the guidance of mental health professionals or counselors who can consider other relevant information and help to determine the meaning of such signs.
Uncontrolled anger.
Anger is a natural emotion. However, anger that is expressed frequently and intensely in response to minor irritants may signal potential violent behavior toward self or others.
Patterns of impulsive and chronic hitting, intimidating, and bullying behaviors.
Some mildly aggressive behaviors such as constant hitting and bullying of others that occur early in children’s lives, if left unattended, might later escalate into more serious behaviors.
History of discipline problems.
Chronic behavior problems both in school and at home may suggest that underlying emotional needs are not being met. These needs may be manifested in acting out and aggressive behaviors. Such problems may set the stage for the child to violate norms and rules, defy authority, disengage from school, and engage in aggressive behavior with others.
Past history of violent and aggressive behavior.
Unless provided with support and counseling, a youth who has a history of aggressive and violent behavior is likely to repeat those behaviors. This behavior may be directed toward other individuals, or expressed in cruelty to animals, or fire setting. Seek the guidance of mental health professionals or counselors if there is the presence of such signs so that the child’s history can be reviewed with the parents.
Intolerance for differences and prejudicial attitudes.
All children have likes and dislikes. However, an intense prejudice toward others based on racial, ethnic, religious, language, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or physical appearance--when coupled with other factors--may lead to violent assaults against those who are perceived to be different. Membership in hate groups or victimization of others with disabilities or health problems should be treated as early warning signs.
Drug and alcohol use.
Drug and alcohol use reduce self-control and can expose youth to violence, either as perpetrators or victims.
Affiliation with gangs.
Youth who are affiliated with gangs who support anti-social values and behaviors may adopt these values and act is aggressive or violent ways in certain situations.
Inappropriate access to, possession of, and use of firearms.
Children who have access to firearms have a higher probability of becoming victims, and an increased risk for violence. Children who have a history of aggression, impulsiveness, or other emotional problems should not have access to weapons.
Threats of violence or suicide.
Threats may be verbal, written, artistic or physical in nature. Idle threats are a common response to frustration. However, a detailed and specific threat to use violence against oneself or others should be taken very seriously. Report all threats verbatim.
Direct Threats: A statement of clear intent to do harm to someone.
Indirect Threat: Threat is phrased tentatively or told to a third party. The threat is implied.
Conditional Threats: This type of threat is made contingent on a certain set of circumstances. Contains the words "if", "or".
Veiled Threats: This is the hardest to address because it is usually vague and subject to interpretation. This type of threat may be minimized by the perpetrator when confronted with their behavior.
Reference: Dwyer, K., Osher, D., & Warger, C. (1998). Early warning, timely response: A guide to safe schools. Washington, DC: US Department of Education
IMMINENT WARNING SIGNS: Getting Help for Troubled Children
Imminent warning signs indicate that a student is very close to behaving in a way that is potentially dangerous to self and/or others. Imminent warning signs require an immediate response. Again, no single warning sign can predict that a dangerous act will occur. The signs are usually presented as a sequence of overt, serious, hostile behaviors or threats directed at peers, staff, or other individuals. These signs are usually evident to more than one staff member--as well as to the child’s family. When these signs occur, safety must always be the first and foremost consideration. Action must be taken immediately.
Imminent warning signs may include:
Serious physical fighting with peers or family members.
Severe destruction of property.
Severe rage for seemingly minor reasons.
Detailed threats of lethal violence against self or others (time, place, method).
Possession and/or use of firearms and other weapons.
Self-injurious behaviors or threats of suicide (time, place, method).
- Seek consultation with your school principal, dean, mental health professional, or counselor.
- Parents will be informed of these concerns immediately.
- Know your school’s reporting procedures.
- Do not delay in reporting these concerns.
- If after school hours, call the district CARE Line, 720-554-CARE (720-554-2273)
Reference: Dwyer, K., Osher, D., & Warger, C. (1998). Early warning, timely response: A guide to safe schools. Washington, DC: US Department of Education.
THREATS - AN IMPORTANT WARNING SIGN
All threats should be taken seriously, even if they sound ridiculous. If an individual continues to make threats after being warned to stop, there is a stronger case for that person's intent on committing violence unless there are enough impediments in the way. The individual making a threat does not necessarily pose a threat. Evaluation of the threat and the intent must take place.
Threats can either be verbal, non-verbal, written, or artistic and fall into four categories: Direct, Indirect, Conditional, and Veiled. If there is incongruency between a student's verbal and nonverbal signals, the non-verbal communication is always more reflective of the person's emotional state.
DIRECT THREAT
A statement of clear intent to do harm to someone. There is no ambiguity or doubt (e.g. "I'm going to kill you" or "I'm going to blow them away.”) A direct threat is punishable by law and authorities should be contacted. Those who make detailed threats are more likely to become violent than those who make vague threats.
INDIRECT THREAT
Threat may be phrased tentatively. The threat may be implied or told to a third party. Suggests a violent act COULD occur, not that it WILL occur. (e.g. “If I wanted to, I could kill everyone at this school.”)
CONDITIONAL THREAT
A conditional threat is made contingent on certain set of circumstances. They contain the word "if", and/or the word "or". These are designed to manipulate or intimidate the target into compliance. Examples include "You better do this or you're dead," and "If you don't give me what I want, you will pay." If these are not met with resistance or clear intolerance, they are likely to increase.
VEILED THREAT
This is hardest to address because it is usually vague and subject to interpretation. This type is easily minimized by the perpetrator, as they refute how the receiver interpreted the threat. They may state the recipient was blowing the situation out of proportion or they only intended the threat as a joke. Examples can include, "I can see how something like Columbine happened. I'm surprised more kids don't go off the edge" or "I'm going to do something crazy tomorrow." These are the most difficult to detect due to vagueness and multiple interpretations.
What adults can do to help:
- Train students how to identify threats
- Teach students how and to whom to report threats; support them when reporting
- Report all threats verbatim, since exact wording offers insight into the perpetrator's state of mind and possible intentions.
- Respond to all threats, assess threats using danger assessment process and give appropriate consequences
Sources:
O’Toole, M.E. (2000, August). The school shooter: A threat assessment perspective. Federal Bureau of Investigation, U.S. Department of Justice.
Nicoletti, J. & Spencer-Thomas, S. (2002). Violence goes to school. Bloomington, IN: National Educational Service.