Helpful Resources
Emily Sybert
Interventions for Different Behaviors
When Your Child is Seeking Attention
It May Sound Like:
- "Please look at me, talk to me, and interact with me."
- "Keep me busy because I don't know how to entertain myself."
- "I need to connect with you, but I don't know how to do It."
Behaviors You May Notice:
- Constantly interrupts others.
- Excessive pleasing.
- Shows off, hyperactive.
- Constantly questioning.
What You Can Do:
- Ignore attention-getting behavior, give no reinforcement for negative behavior.
- Provide child with opportunities for positive attention.
- Provide child with opportunities to feel good through accomplishments and contributions.
- Plan 1:1 activities/ time together.
- Ignore attention, if safe to do so.
- Praise when attention is sought through appropriate behaviors.
- Treat them to activities of their choice.
- Try and ensure their schedule is full of structured/ self- absorbing activities.
- Encourage child to express distress with words.
- Offer a safe spot/ create a safe place for child to go to calm down.
- Model/ role play appropriate and desired behavior.
- Ensure you have an outlet or self-care to avoid feeling drained/ burnt-out.
When Your Child is Seeking Power and Control
It May Sound Like:
- "I am my own boss."
- "You don't control me."
- "Don't tell me what to do."
- "I can do whatever I want, I don't have to listen."
Behaviors You May Notice:
- Oppositional.
- Defiant.
- Refuses to follow directions.
- Temper tantrums.
- The word "NO" often angers them.
What You Can Do:
- Withdraw from power struggle. Don't pick up the rope.
- Set firm limits and take action without getting angry.
- Explain expectations up front and be consistent.
- Praise publicly and criticize privately.
- Use AND, instead of BUT to validate and hold accountability at the same time.
- Avoid asking questions when you are making a demand.
- Give options, but make sure both options are what you want the child to do (take out the trash or clean your room).
- Give them a time frame, instead of saying you have to do it now.
- Planned ignoring- do not continue to engage if they argue.
- Praise child when they are being complaint.
- Connect them to prosocial peer activities.
- Help child label their feelings and identify words to describe their thoughts.
- Provide opportunities for leadership.
- Remind child of expectations, incentives, and consequences.
- Explain purpose of your request.
- Use appropriate consequences (No TV for the rest of the day versus no TV for a month. Make sure consequence is fitting and that you follow through).
- Allow child to have input on consequences.
- Use visual aids to teach expectations.
- Reward when appropriate.
- Encourage child to express distress with words.
- Encourage child to verbalize their needs.
- Model appropriate/ desired behavior.
When Your Child is Seeking Social Withdrawal
It May Sound Like:
- "I can't win."
- "I want to be alone."
- "Don't bother me."
Behaviors You May See:
- Limited or no social interactions.
- Avoids new situations/activities.
- Feelings of inferiority/ inadequacy.
- Excessive self-blame.
What You Can Do:
- Do not give up, maintain faith in child.
- Try to arrange small successes that will encourage them.
- Give leadership role in the house.
- Planned time together.
- Build on strengths and talents and recognize and praise small efforts.
- Encourage to engage in prosocial activities.
- Check in with child daily/nightly (show interest in their daily life).
- Prepare for new situations to alleviate worry.
- Offer activities that can empower/make child feel successful.
- Provide child with exposure opportunities that will reduce distress over time.
- Provide reassurance and ask child to verbalize their true needs.
- Encourage child to verbalize their needs.
- Adjust expectations to children's level/ development.
- Help child identify barriers to success.
- Clarify expectations, break instructions into manageable parts.
- Demonstrate, model, role play desired behaviors.
- Ensure you have supports and an outlet for self-care to avoid feeling drained.
When Your Child is Seeking Sympathy
- "I want you to feel my distress and make it better."
- You, not I, are responsible for my happiness."
- My happiness is externally driven."
- "This is your fault."
- "You did this to me."
Behaviors You May Notice:
- Tearful.
- Anxious.
- Whining.
- Demanding.
- Accusing others.
- Somatic complaints.
What You Can Do:
- Offer initial empathy, not sympathy ("I'm sorry you feel...") but gradually shift to questioning the child about what can be done to help deal with the distress/ prevent it.
- Request child to demonstrate appropriate behavior and speech.
- Medically clear somatic complaints and then nonchalantly address them, instead of focusing on them.
- Distract them from conversations about somatic complaint.
- Ensure you have an outlet for selfcare so you don't feel drained.
- Encourage pro-social activities.
- Validate their feelings and explore what is behind the reported symptoms.
- Offer reflective listening to validate concerns.
- Encourage them to engage in activities where they are contributing to others or a cause of their choice.
- Encourage child to express distress with words.
- Encourage child to verbalize their needs.
- Model and roleplay appropriate and desired behavior.
When Your Child is Seeking Revenge
- "No one cares about me."
- "I don't care about anyone."
- "It is just me, myself, and I."
- "Everyone I have trusted has betrayed me."
Behaviors You May Notice:
- Verbal aggression towards people, property, animals, and self.
- Physical aggression towards people, property, animals, and self.
- Attitude of, "I will make you as miserable as I am. You will pay for this."
What You Can Do:
- Do not take the attack personally or feel hurt, try to be empathetic.
- Find out what is bothering the child.
- Encourage child to express distress with words.
- Offer safe place for expressing emotions.
- Encourage them to verbalize their needs.
- Model appropriate/desired behavior.
- Praise when child is appropriate in their behavior.
- Find opportunities for pro-social behaviors.
- Find things they can master.
- Remain positive and available, make sure child feels safe and heard.
- Try to reinforce positive behaviors- catch them being good.
- Have child identify distress triggers proactively and identify plan for next time.
- Be firm and consistent
- Ensure you have an outlet for self-care to avoid feeling drained. .
When Your Child is Seeking Escape From Reality
- "This it too hard."
- "I cant do this on my own."
- "I cant manage this."
Behaviors You May Notice:
- Extreme sadness.
- Over/under eating.
- Oversleeping.
- Excessive vide/ TV time.
- Running away.
- Promiscuity.
- Self harming statements/behaviors.
What You Can Do:
- Help find a positive safe alternative to current behaviors.
- learn about the effects of trauma on the brain.
- Provide opportunities for child to get artistic or exercise.
- Provide opportunities for pro-social behaviors.
- Provide opportunities for mastery.
- Give child positive affirmations verbally and written.
- Encourage child to express distress with words.
- Encourage child to vocalize their needs.
- Model appropriate and desired behaviors.
- Offer rewards when appropriate.
- Ensure you have supports in place.
- Ensure you have an outlet for self-care to avoid feeling drained.
Psychiatric and Mental Health Services
Gosnold on Nantucket:
Provides outpatient behavioral health and psychiatric services at its office at 35 Old South Road in Nantucket. Gosnold on Nantucket incorporates outpatient therapy including individual, couples and family therapy. Outpatient groups are provided for family support and early recovery. In addition, psychiatric services, including diagnostic evaluations and medication management, are provided in person as well as via telepsychiatry. Gosnold on Nantucket and Baycove are currently providing mobile Emergency Services 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- Mobile Crisis (24/7): 877-784-6273
- Gosnold on Nantucket office: 508-228-3955
- Psychiatric & Medication Appointments: 508-540-6550 X 5522
Fairwinds: Nantucket's Counseling Center:
Provides confidential, quality professional care to adults and youth on who seek mental health and addiction services. Fairwinds programs include outpatient mental health counseling; community-based treatment; addiction and recovery treatment; and medication management. All are welcome, regardless of ability to pay. Call 508-228-2689 for more information.
**For more information regarding psychiatric and meatal health services offered on Nantucket please refer to the link below.
Contact Information
Email: syberte@npsk.org
Website: https://www.npsk.org/
Location: 30 Surfside Road, Nantucket, MA, USA
Phone: 508-228-7290 4321