How to respond to, "It's Not Fair"
Does your child say, “It’s not fair” whenever things don’t go their way or they don't get what they want? Mine does!
How are some ideas for how to respond if your child complains that something is not fair:
1) My favorite phrase: Name it to Tame it! Often our children use the word "unfair" because they don't have other words to describe how they feel. In this case, what you can do is to help your child find the word that best fits how they're feeling. You can say something like, "You didn't get what you wanted and now you feel disappointed." or "You feel angry because you expected something different."
Here's another reason why we need to help our children identify and name their emotions. When we teach children about different kinds of emotions, we help them build emotional knowledge or emotional literacy. And this is very important because it helps them understand and manage their own feelings AND understand the emotions of other people and respond to them appropriately.
2) Help them understand the difference between "fair" and "equal". You can explain that your job as a parent is to make sure that everyone gets what they NEED. And everyone doesn't need the same things or at the same time. So things are not usually equal but they are usually fair. You can say something like:
"Your brother got new shoes because his feet grew. No one else got new shoes because our feet can still fit in out current shoes. Is it equal? No. Is it fair? Yes. When your feet grow and your current shoes become uncomfortable, you let me know so we can get you new shoes."
So you're essentially emphasizing that things might not be equal but they are FAIR and you will make sure that everyone in the family has what they NEED.
I hope this was helpful. Happy holidays!
*Adapted from Big Life Journal
