WEEK 5 DI$H
Better late than SUCK MY DICK WHILE I'M PISSING
The Worst
See, also: Weebly.com not letting me paste anything from my di$h writing word doc
See, also: Ugh Dan McMenafartnoises
SYNCHRONIZED FACEPALM
There's nothing better than spending a long weekend completely unplugged, hiking, drinking and murdering the shit out of some stupid fucking trouts, only to drive out Monday morning and discover your fantasy team has left a steaming pile of bloody butt piss in the bed. At least my team didn't put up 2nd most points only to lose by one? Actually that would have been way less depressing, despite what the Vagernaut says.
Moving right along, the spiraling legal troubles of NFL players is getting beyond funny or coincidental. Every day the stories out of the pro and college ranks are more and more ridiculous. Maybe it's time to start a new section - Dumbest NFL move of the week.
Dumbest NFL Move
Adrian Peterson is accused of a serious charge of child abuse, and is out on bond. He is pleading not guilty and thus trying to maintain his innocence while improving his community standing. SO HE SHOWS UP TO A MANDATORY DRUG TEST AND ADMITS TO SMOKING WEED.
Bond revoked, AP arrested again. FAAAAAAAN fucking tastic. Enjoy that trade Jonny boy.
FUCK TIER II
Faces in the Crowd
DIRK DIGGLER: Demaryoooos with 39. Finally he woke up
WILD CARD: Travis “I’m not Kelvin” Benjamin 17, nothing to see here
ANTI-NIRVANA: Once again, in a blowout, it’s the Vagernaut. Capered by Megatron, having Jennings in would have sealed the dub, instead a scorching spicy 1p loss caper ensalada. Honorable mention to Ugh who had some monster bench spots.
PERFECTION: 342 tacos were up for grabs this week gents
Peyton 37, Wilson 34
DT 39, DeSean 21, Quick/Wright 20
Oliver 29, Foster 28, Ellington 26
Olsen 19
Philly 24
Gost 21
SQUANDERED: The Vagernaut with a 2nd undeserved loss, this one due to camping in a phone and internet free zone. The only phone available was a coin-operated payphone. Yeah. They still exist.
To the Matchups...
Jiz-Vag
JC-TDS
HD-FYRB
DB-Red
Alternate Scoring
Ugh Jiz 7
VH FL 6
HD RB 5
Red TDS JC 4
DB 3
Pozishunzzzz
QB
1) FL 226 2) VH 225 3) Red 200 4) HD and FYRB 169 6) Ugh 166 7) Jiz 165 8) DB 156 9) TDS 138 10) JC 124
WR
1) FL 200 2) Ugh 198 3) VH 178 4) FYRB 172 5) Red 168 6) JC 164 7) TDS 157 8) HD 154 9) DB 149 Jiz 149
RB
1) FYRB 178 2) Ugh 177 3) Jiz 166 4) JC 159 5) VH 142 6) TDS 132 7) Red 130 8) FL 127 9) HD 104 10) DB 103
TE
1) Jiz 68 2) VH 55 3) JC 53 4) TDS 51 5) Ugh 48 6) FYRB 36 7) HD 28 DB 28 9) FL 25 10) Red 18
PREDIXXXXX
Poor Greg
Trouble Brewing
When Thursdays Start Like This
ps - Fuck TY Hilton's one awesome game per year.